but you just want to fix yourself just to break again

Nov 05, 2009 09:36



heyy, that community that's in the highlights on the main page? well i went to it, and saw this. and really liked it. so i copied & pasted what the person wrote.

"Consider the young soldier being deployed for the first time (average age of a first timer is nineteen years old, give or take). Often newly married, usually seperated from family for the first time, and generally just getting used to the idea that there are other people that rely on him. He's got a young wife at home, possibly one or two small children, or one on the way. In his mind, he's a central part to their lives, as he should be, AND HE IS!

Now fast forward 6 months. Mid-Deployment. She's emailed him and sent pictures and care packages. He's called home as often as he could just to hear her voice. They keep in touch, and she's a good spouse taking care of her soldier. YOUR JOB IS HARDER THAN OURS, LET THERE BE NO DOUBT! And she prays, and cries, and misses her soldier. Sleeps with a body pillow just to feel like there's someone there, or gets a dog for the warmth at the foot of the bed. Modern day blankies, if you will.

Jump forward another 6-9months. He's coming home. For the last 12-15 months his life has been on hold. He gets up every morning. Goes to work. Possibly gets shot at. Defends another man's freedom, because that's what we do. Goes to sleep, does it all over again. His life has stopped. Nothing around him changes, it's just trudge through and get home in one piece. She's had to learn to cope, made new friends, taken care of babies, probably got a job or volunteers at the elementary school to kill time and make sure that she keeps her mind occupied so she doesn't think about how bad it hurts that he's gone. His sweet little innocent wife is now an independant woman. His little child is growing up. He's missed at least one birthday, if not more, not including his own. Christmas has come and gone. She's got a support group, a close knit circle of women going through the same thing she is. And now he's home, and no longer feels like he belongs. Where does a guy whose last 15 months was just SUCKED away from him, who used to be such an important part of his family's life, fit into the lives of people whose lives have carried on without him there? His life stopped for fifteen months, but he came home to people 15 months more mature, 15 months more grown up than they were when he last saw them. It's an incredible feeling of uselessness, and often leads to workaholism, alcoholism, and general crabbiness that can quickly turn ugly if no one recognizes the problems and does something about them.

All is not lost though. There are many things that you can do to prevent this. FIRST, and most definitely foremost, STAY IN TOUCH. Keep him abreast of what's going on at home, let him see your kids growing up, even if it is just in pictures. Talk, even email or IM, as much as possible so that even though you are seperated by half a world, one ocean, two seas, and a 24 flight plan, you can continue to grow TOGETHER. Be supportive, mail little things that you know he likes. When he does come home he is likely to often be disoriented. Not feel like he belongs. While you may want to push him into going out and doing 8 million things with the family, and new friends, and new friends families, etc., realize that he just spent the last year sleeping less than a few feet away from the same 2-30 people, and is likely to want to spend time with them. It's a comfort thing. They know they can protect each other. Listen to the stories he tells, even if you don't understand them.

LASTLY, and quite possibly the MOST IMPORTANT THING I CAN IMPART TO YOU. IF YOU TAKE ANYTHING AWAY FROM THIS ENTRY THAT HAS SOME HOW BECOME A MINI LECTURE, LET IT BE THIS......
From the time we join the military until the time we die we are trained to rely on the man to our left and right. This is our crew. This is our gang. These are our brothers, friends, family. Your soldier will come back with a tight crew. I urge all of the spouses, significant others, girlfriends, fiances, etc...Learn his friends names. Find out who they belong to, and vice versa. Make friends with his friends wives, etc. That way when everyone comes home and you want to spend time with your husband and your friends and have together time, but he feels the need to keep his people nearby, you are hanging out with the same people. AND NEVER allow yourself to fall into the gossiping, back biting, rumor mill, nastiness that too often happens when the soldiers are deployed. It doesn't help anyone. It makes your life miserable while you wait, and DRAGS morale down for the men and women who are deployed knowing that your wife and your best friend's wife are mad at each other because one of them said something that wasn't nice to the other."

i actually try my best to give Sean every detail of home life. from little changes like buying a blanket to big changes like the car getting fixed or taking that big cabinet out of living room. having someone say how important that is makes me glad i write emails on the daily to Sean and try to keep him in the loop of what's going on..even if it has no effect on him at the time. as far as making friends with other wives i've got one of those but seeing as i'm in a different state from the rest of them it's all i can really do so i'm on the right track. did anybody else like this post? this is a veteran in his 20's btw. 

afghanistan deployment: 2009-2010

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