(no subject)
don't make me do this. not tonight. not any other night. I can't handle anything anymore. so just leave me alone.
i took a walk tonight around the lake. a few hours ago. thought about a lot. cried. its just something about that lake at night that just brings it all out of me. i hate it.
i think im getting alcohol and weed tomorrow. and a boy. my 3 favorite things. and the first 2 are all i have left to keep me sane.. from killing myself and everyone around me. kind of sad, but true. nothing works anymore. its all i can do to make me happy, or atleast forget everything bad. although sometimes it just makes me think about it more. but i can live with that cause then i just grab a boy and use him to make me forget about it. so i need this stuff.
i think i'm making a lot of mistakes. looking back, i regret a lot of things. a few boys. a few friends. a few one night things. especially the most recent. very stupid mistake. and many choices that i make. but what can you do now? nothing.
i'm so close to just giving up. i dont know what it is that is keeping me living. besides the thoughts of my family and friends without me. it makes me smile thinking about the thoughts of people that fucked me over or were rude or plain stupid if it happened. they'd feel so bad. but what is it that is keeping me here. keeping me living through all this shit. someone tell me please. why havent i just fully given up yet?
these drastic steps i've taken are just an act of desperation. i knew no one would miss me so what the hell. i fought i lied i drank too much hurt everyone i've ever touched and just how much i've hurt you its hard to tell. this is not some cry for help, its goodbye i wish you well. because i love you, i'm gonna kill myself.
i took a walk tonight around the lake. a few hours ago. thought about a lot. cried. its just something about that lake at night that just brings it all out of me. i hate it.
i think im getting alcohol and weed tomorrow. and a boy. my 3 favorite things. and the first 2 are all i have left to keep me sane.. from killing myself and everyone around me. kind of sad, but true. nothing works anymore. its all i can do to make me happy, or atleast forget everything bad. although sometimes it just makes me think about it more. but i can live with that cause then i just grab a boy and use him to make me forget about it. so i need this stuff.
i think i'm making a lot of mistakes. looking back, i regret a lot of things. a few boys. a few friends. a few one night things. especially the most recent. very stupid mistake. and many choices that i make. but what can you do now? nothing.
i'm so close to just giving up. i dont know what it is that is keeping me living. besides the thoughts of my family and friends without me. it makes me smile thinking about the thoughts of people that fucked me over or were rude or plain stupid if it happened. they'd feel so bad. but what is it that is keeping me here. keeping me living through all this shit. someone tell me please. why havent i just fully given up yet?
these drastic steps i've taken are just an act of desperation. i knew no one would miss me so what the hell. i fought i lied i drank too much hurt everyone i've ever touched and just how much i've hurt you its hard to tell. this is not some cry for help, its goodbye i wish you well. because i love you, i'm gonna kill myself.