Wow time flies
Well, almsot to my Mock exams, and then TEE. Wow... And then University and I can finally resume my life from the little hole it's had over the last year. I can't believe its only being a year and sooooooooooo much has happened.
Well, Nickos didn't come over, and well I tell you I feel suprisingly okay about it. I was way way way upset at first and now well I feel okay. Guess all those hours of CBT actually had some kind of affect. I was just thinking, if he needs time then thats what he needs and I'll just make him begin to resent me if I keep resisting it. And well I've enjoyed being alone over the past two weeks, I would have enjoyed just hanging out withhim but well I've made so many new friends on wow and my leveling is back on schedule. Plus with school, and considering I dont even see my friends cause they are all 18 and I am in social limbo until my birthday, I can imagine how hard it must be for him. Its his first time at year twelve I guess that doesnt help him much either.
I just wanted to say about insults... If its coming from a stranger dont you think they are kind of redundant? I mean, it all circumstantial of course, but I find someone I don't even know commenting on how I spend my times, what my hopes are and on my pesonality, intelectual capacity and overall mental condition somewhat ridiculous. I understand I am unfriendly to people I meet, but its maily because I am so shy, and well I can't be unfriendly to everyone cause otherwise how did I make friends with Kimmi and Ben and even Nick, although I have known him for quite a long time. Also when I was at this party on Friday night I had my little group and I fit in and it was fine. And I didn't molest the fifteen year old again lol. But I suppose I have a problem with being prematurely judged, and I shouldn't, because its a mistake in thinking to have should statements, and thinking people shouldn't judge me is a pretty big one. But well I keep this journal for myself and for my friends. And I am not going to be ridiculous and pedantic about the definition of friends I mean you beautiful people who I went to school with and who expanded my thinking and my experience of different kinds of people and different experiences so much. Frankly, I don't want to filter out anything by restricting anonymous posting, just like blocking people on MSN I just cant let myself do it for some reason... However it's starting to annoy me a little to much. Usually, I can dismiss the comments I get on here as redundant, and I am ridiculously flattered someone monitors this thing in such a creepy stalkerish way. But pretty much when someone starts to think they know more about my life then I do it gets to me. Nick and me are having problems, and well, because of who I am as a person I cant deal with things like this in a very calm and controlled ways. But break ups suck and everyone knows that, no one has a good times with them. Ever. SO why should I feel that I should have to be a shining example of the perfect person to break up with, I don't have to. I can get upset about it if I want, I can hope things turn out better, I can try and change his mind because thats what human's do. And then I can accept it. Like I have. He has exams and he has friends and he cant see me this weekend. He can see me the wekeend after that, or after that, or in the holidays, or after leavers, or whenever he's free, when he wants to. Whats happened in the past doesnt dictate what will happen in the future. We could get back together or we could not, but it no one buisness if we do or not. I want to get back with Nick right now, as I feel now, but I am very volatile and even fickle and my emotions can flit from one person to another so easily, in a week I might feel different. A couple of months ago if Kieran had come to me and said he wanted to be with me I would've in a second, but now I wouldn't. Rowan well he's put on some weight but he's still Rowan, I'ld probably go there, but I'm not sure cause he's kind of a big giant flirty slut and I don't think I could trust him. I could trust Nick, I like playing the jealous girlfriend but I could trust him. Either way it doesnt matter because Kieran wasnt that long ago and Tom wasnt that long ago and neither was Rowan or Leigh or any of them and I'm over it now. I'll get over Nick if it doesnt work out. If it does work out thats amazing because he is an amazing person. If we become friends, thats great too. I dont care what happens. But it is between me and him, and if I talk to someone about it then they can tell me their opinion, but pretty much if I don't, your gonna get facts wrong anyway, which makes me dismiss anything you say anyway, and makes your whole comments a giant waste of time and energy.
Okay, five minuteslate for history and I need to go. Au revoir!
Oh btw I screen comments now lol.
Well, Nickos didn't come over, and well I tell you I feel suprisingly okay about it. I was way way way upset at first and now well I feel okay. Guess all those hours of CBT actually had some kind of affect. I was just thinking, if he needs time then thats what he needs and I'll just make him begin to resent me if I keep resisting it. And well I've enjoyed being alone over the past two weeks, I would have enjoyed just hanging out withhim but well I've made so many new friends on wow and my leveling is back on schedule. Plus with school, and considering I dont even see my friends cause they are all 18 and I am in social limbo until my birthday, I can imagine how hard it must be for him. Its his first time at year twelve I guess that doesnt help him much either.
I just wanted to say about insults... If its coming from a stranger dont you think they are kind of redundant? I mean, it all circumstantial of course, but I find someone I don't even know commenting on how I spend my times, what my hopes are and on my pesonality, intelectual capacity and overall mental condition somewhat ridiculous. I understand I am unfriendly to people I meet, but its maily because I am so shy, and well I can't be unfriendly to everyone cause otherwise how did I make friends with Kimmi and Ben and even Nick, although I have known him for quite a long time. Also when I was at this party on Friday night I had my little group and I fit in and it was fine. And I didn't molest the fifteen year old again lol. But I suppose I have a problem with being prematurely judged, and I shouldn't, because its a mistake in thinking to have should statements, and thinking people shouldn't judge me is a pretty big one. But well I keep this journal for myself and for my friends. And I am not going to be ridiculous and pedantic about the definition of friends I mean you beautiful people who I went to school with and who expanded my thinking and my experience of different kinds of people and different experiences so much. Frankly, I don't want to filter out anything by restricting anonymous posting, just like blocking people on MSN I just cant let myself do it for some reason... However it's starting to annoy me a little to much. Usually, I can dismiss the comments I get on here as redundant, and I am ridiculously flattered someone monitors this thing in such a creepy stalkerish way. But pretty much when someone starts to think they know more about my life then I do it gets to me. Nick and me are having problems, and well, because of who I am as a person I cant deal with things like this in a very calm and controlled ways. But break ups suck and everyone knows that, no one has a good times with them. Ever. SO why should I feel that I should have to be a shining example of the perfect person to break up with, I don't have to. I can get upset about it if I want, I can hope things turn out better, I can try and change his mind because thats what human's do. And then I can accept it. Like I have. He has exams and he has friends and he cant see me this weekend. He can see me the wekeend after that, or after that, or in the holidays, or after leavers, or whenever he's free, when he wants to. Whats happened in the past doesnt dictate what will happen in the future. We could get back together or we could not, but it no one buisness if we do or not. I want to get back with Nick right now, as I feel now, but I am very volatile and even fickle and my emotions can flit from one person to another so easily, in a week I might feel different. A couple of months ago if Kieran had come to me and said he wanted to be with me I would've in a second, but now I wouldn't. Rowan well he's put on some weight but he's still Rowan, I'ld probably go there, but I'm not sure cause he's kind of a big giant flirty slut and I don't think I could trust him. I could trust Nick, I like playing the jealous girlfriend but I could trust him. Either way it doesnt matter because Kieran wasnt that long ago and Tom wasnt that long ago and neither was Rowan or Leigh or any of them and I'm over it now. I'll get over Nick if it doesnt work out. If it does work out thats amazing because he is an amazing person. If we become friends, thats great too. I dont care what happens. But it is between me and him, and if I talk to someone about it then they can tell me their opinion, but pretty much if I don't, your gonna get facts wrong anyway, which makes me dismiss anything you say anyway, and makes your whole comments a giant waste of time and energy.
Okay, five minuteslate for history and I need to go. Au revoir!
Oh btw I screen comments now lol.