On Film, and my love for it
Since young, I've loved watching films,
A favorite past-time, for most I would say,
Going to the big screen, tidbits and drinks in hand,
though gone are the good ol' kacung putih stand, with my all-time fave steamed chickpeas (even its replacement buttered corn could be a rare sight these days)
Be it with friends, in a large group, say, the then-final Star Wars instalment, where the fans were spontaneous enough to dress up for the occasion,
Sharing the moment with everyone, that gasp, that laugh, that cry
That hey-you're-not-alone-moment
or with me, myself and I, twice ever in my life, once for Closer - after WNG - and once last year, for X-Men,
alone, but not alone
It wasn't till university days, where I took firstly, Film and History, one that delves into a critical inquiry onto film - be it the story or the medium - upon a certain historical concern, say on the construction of museums for instance,
and it was indeed a good break away from the dryness of our thick, heavy coursepacks and all.
And secondly, an Introduction to Film Art, where I had the honour to attend it with a good friend then, Shawn.
The lecturer, a geeky, charming Dr Gilbert Yeoh, would wax poetic on each and every film that he chose so carefully, so selectively, mostly his favorites, and for good reasons
In this class, we learnt the various film devices, other than script that is, to craft out the essence of the story, the message, oblivious to the naked eye
And it is here, from rosebudto California dreamin', where I've discovered the world of cinematography, of the leitmotif, of the mise-en-scene
And it is here, where I began to be enchanted by this sheer magic of this powerful medium
and will forever be
Most times after school hours, whenever possible, Shawn and I would have travelled from Kent Ridge,
on the Bus 10, to the library@esplanade,
where he would introduce much more of his world of his favorite films and directors
Many of which have left a deep imprint in me,
Many of which I've still taken joys to rewatch them, re-deconstruct them,
From Bergman's Seventh Seal, Kieslowski's Dekalog, WKW's ITMFL, to name a few
And soon, mine to him
It was as if this journey of a friendship of ours, were made into a film,
its narrative played out, and reeled backwards, by the hands of Fate
and with all stories, heard or otherwise, there would be a complication
though it wasn't what one might think,
but a complication's a complication, no two doubts about it
Years go by, and i still very, very much think that film is a wonderful medium into the human condition,
and with it a certain romance in that, the stories are condensed, or fast forwarded,
and in that the stories and its characters are one we could all relate to
in that few hours of movie magic
But years gone on,
and I have learnt
as Alfredo has told an older but still naive Toto, like me,
Life isn't like in the movies,
Life's played out in one long continuous reel
at times bitter, as times sweet,
and at times the changes unbeknowst played out so fast
before you could even grasp it, face it, accept it,
that it hurts,
more so to be kept in this forbidden truth, in darkness,
and hurt, unmanaged, grows into doubt, doubt into fear
But if I could accept and learn from the one advice I learnt from the films I've come to love,
it would be that I could just be,
just be and have the maturity, the patience, the tenacity
to be simpler, not overthink things, to do more good, to be contented, and keep my heart, body, soul, and mind all at peace
Life is tough and scary as it is in that one would never know when the final 'cut' would be signalled
a clap so haunting like the reaper's scythe taking your final breath, and all the memories good and bad, away,
into oblivion
So while I'm still at it,
directing it, being cast in it,
I hope someday this film of mine,
with its many stories, characters, emotions, leitmotifs, mise-en-scene, soundtracks and music,
would be worth telling,
would be worth watching,
in good times or hard ones -
if mistakes were made, forgive me -
and it would bring a joy and a worthy lesson to those wanting to come watch it
to the ones who have never met me, and whom i have never met,
the ones whose paths have once crossed mine, and for whichever reasons walked away,
and more so the ones whose paths have crossed mine
and decided to walk on this journey with me
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