what even is this.
Alright, so, here's the deal: I'm 25K into a fic that isn't even half done, I have more or less forgotten what solid REM sleep feels like, there is a dude at the coffee place using TWO TABLES even though he is only one person, and I think I misplaced my sanity some time ago. I don't have a case of the Mondays so much as a case of the WHAT THE FUCKING HELLS, but! Who cares, who cares, who cares, because THERE IS A NEW 5-0 TONIGHT.
In honor of this, and because I needed to blow off some steam, please have:
Five Hawaii 5-0 Fics I'm Never Going to Write (That Someone Else Should Totally Write Instead)
1) The one where it's Toy Story and Danny is Woody and Steve is Buzz.
Danny: YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You're an action figure! You are a child's play thing!
Steve: You are a sad, strange little man.
You've Got A Friend In Me: *swells in the background*
2) The one where the Chairman from Iron Chef is Wo Fat's good twin, and Five-0 captures him by mistake.
The Chairman: The secret ingredient is INNOCENCE.
Steve: …I can't believe I'm saying this, but, uh, D, are you feeling strangely hungry right now?
Danny: Yeah, but I'm pretty much always hungry.
3) The one where Steve's a dastardly criminal mastermind, and Danny's the long-suffering Interpol agent who loves him.
Danny: You stole a painting for my birthday, didn't you.
Steve: Er…
Danny: It wasn't a question, McGarrett, nobody else would have been rappelling in and out of that museum on dental floss, what is the matter with you, and also, also, would it be so much trouble to do something legal for my birthday? Hell, sit at home, watch some television, just don't get into any trouble, that would be present enough, but no, no, you're stealing paintings--and what the fuck am I going to do with a painting, Steven, you could've at least grabbed me one of Springsteen's guitars or something, I know it's the thought that counts but jeez--
Steve: Hold on, I'll call you back.
Danny: THAT WAS NOT A REQUEST FOR YOU TO STEAL ONE OF THE BOSS'S GUITARS, YOU ANIMAL
4) The one where Steve's Aziraphale and Danny's Crowley.
Danny: Seriously, Angel, I thought--OH MY FUCKING GOD HAS THIS CAR TURNED ANOTHER GODDAMN CD INTO BEST OF QUEEN
Steve: I think it's kinda catchy.
5) The one where Danny Williams arrests Scott Caan for being drunk and disorderly, and Steve nearly has a heart attack when he walks into the station and sees them arguing.
~Further explanation unnecessary~
In honor of this, and because I needed to blow off some steam, please have:
Five Hawaii 5-0 Fics I'm Never Going to Write (That Someone Else Should Totally Write Instead)
1) The one where it's Toy Story and Danny is Woody and Steve is Buzz.
Danny: YOU! ARE! A! TOYYYYY! You're an action figure! You are a child's play thing!
Steve: You are a sad, strange little man.
You've Got A Friend In Me: *swells in the background*
2) The one where the Chairman from Iron Chef is Wo Fat's good twin, and Five-0 captures him by mistake.
The Chairman: The secret ingredient is INNOCENCE.
Steve: …I can't believe I'm saying this, but, uh, D, are you feeling strangely hungry right now?
Danny: Yeah, but I'm pretty much always hungry.
3) The one where Steve's a dastardly criminal mastermind, and Danny's the long-suffering Interpol agent who loves him.
Danny: You stole a painting for my birthday, didn't you.
Steve: Er…
Danny: It wasn't a question, McGarrett, nobody else would have been rappelling in and out of that museum on dental floss, what is the matter with you, and also, also, would it be so much trouble to do something legal for my birthday? Hell, sit at home, watch some television, just don't get into any trouble, that would be present enough, but no, no, you're stealing paintings--and what the fuck am I going to do with a painting, Steven, you could've at least grabbed me one of Springsteen's guitars or something, I know it's the thought that counts but jeez--
Steve: Hold on, I'll call you back.
Danny: THAT WAS NOT A REQUEST FOR YOU TO STEAL ONE OF THE BOSS'S GUITARS, YOU ANIMAL
4) The one where Steve's Aziraphale and Danny's Crowley.
Danny: Seriously, Angel, I thought--OH MY FUCKING GOD HAS THIS CAR TURNED ANOTHER GODDAMN CD INTO BEST OF QUEEN
Steve: I think it's kinda catchy.
5) The one where Danny Williams arrests Scott Caan for being drunk and disorderly, and Steve nearly has a heart attack when he walks into the station and sees them arguing.
~Further explanation unnecessary~