titties and beer
THE TITLE OF THIS POST IS NOT MY FAULT, OKAY, IT'S REALLY NOT.
Right, so, I almost finished the Steve counterpart to that fic I put up earlier, only then my brain crapped out and elrhiarhodan did this music quiz thinger where you put your iTunes on shuffle and answer questions with the songs that come up. So I did that, and got mostly hilarious results, which I then...went through and talked about...because I have this problem where I am incapable of shutting up.
You guys are going to think so much fucking less of my music taste after this. HOWEVER, the basic principals of this XKCD comic (totally and very much copyright Randall Munroe) pretty much apply here as well:
In conclusion: try to contain your disdain. I know it will be difficult.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY: Swing Batter Batter - Trace Adkins
WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN. I have this. This shameful love of really atrocious country music, okay. It's like my love of ridiculous badfic and The Room! It's entertaining in its epic fail, and this is maybe the worst song of all time, but every once in awhile I feel like just laughing my ass off at terrible…stop judging me! STOP JUDGING ME, I SEE YOU JUDGING ME.
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Womanizer on Fire - Kings of Leon vs. Britney Spears vs. Jason Nevins (Mashup by LeeDM101)
While I hope I'm not a womanizer, I kind of…hope I'm not on fire more…
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? In The Car - Barenaked Ladies
WELL, ACTUALLY. I have this theory that you shouldn't seriously commit to anyone until you've had to spend 18+ hours in a car with them. While this is probably borne of the fact that my parents used to say things like LET'S GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE FROM OHIO TO SOUTHERN FLORIDA WITH TWO TEENAGERS AND A 5 YEAR OLD, YES, EXCELLENT PLAN, it has proved an effective test. If you can spend that much time cooped up with someone and come out of it not wanting to kill them dead too much, it's probably a solid match, I'm just saying.
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
I'm pretty sure this is actually my iTunes projecting, because I pretty much just used it to play "Dog Days are Over" on a constant loop today.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Althea - The Grateful Dead
In five years, when I'm inevitably a hobo waving around a sign that says "Will write for food," I am going to come back to this quiz and use it to justify adopting a nomadic lifestyle following Grateful Dead cover bands.
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? I Shot The Sheriff - Eric Clapton
FUCK YOU ITUNES, I DIDN'T SHOOT ANYONE. Also oh my fucking god I love Clapton a lot but I hate this song so much. It's only on my computer because my mother hates it even more than me, and I like to burn it onto CDs for her (the times, you guys, she is a little behind them), tucked in amongst music she enjoys, because she leaves me the most hilarious messages ever about how this and A Horse With No Name are the worst songs ever written, and why am I like this, and this is my father's influence isn't it, and she knew she should have married someone less crazy, and she's going to get me back for this, and thank you for the rest of the CD that isn't terrible and soul-destroying, and she loves me. :D
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Silent All These Years - Tori Amos
Ahahahahhahahahahahhaahahahahahah. I once overheard a friend of mine describe me to a third party as, "No, the little blonde girl, you met her at that party, she was the one holding the bottle of Jameson and yelling about monkeys." I'm actually pretty sure iTunes is mocking me.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
hermette, I AM SO FREAKED OUT BECAUSE OF THIS, OH MY GOD. Everyone else…okay, I am working on this story that I'm not going to talk about because it's ridiculous and I can't even think about it right now, but this is like. dfhdjskfhdsj THIS IS A VERY SCARY THING MY ITUNES DID HERE, I THINK IT IS SENTIENT, SEND HELP.
WHAT IS 2+2? Rocket Man - Elton John
While completely nonsensical, the disconnect between the question and the answer here is an extremely accurate representation of my relationship with mathematics. SORRY, cherrybina, I CAN'T HELP IT D:
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Whenever, Wherever - Shakira
Oh, god, why why why why is this on my iTunes why, dsjfhsdjkf please refer to the comic above, Christ.
On the plus side, I did send my best friend a text that said "lucky that my breasts are small and humble" when this came up, and she sent back I HAVE BEEN CONFUSING THEM WITH MOUNTAINS ANYWAY, so at least I can be sure we're still good together ♥
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
Well, as the most active relationship in my life right this moment is the one I am having with my laptop and the six million docs I have open, THIS IS KIND OF SPOT-ON.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Everyday People - Sly and the Family Stone
This is accurate if we have an Eats, Shoots and Leaves moment and insert a comma. Everyday, people! Because seriously, you guys, PEOPLE HAPPEN TO ME EVERY DAY.
Otherwise, lolno. The people in my life are many things, but they are not particularly "everyday." Please see every entry ever about my family for further proof.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Napolean - Ani Difranco
Shit, iTunes has revealed my plan to take over the world too soon. I was going to learn from Eddie Izzard history, too! Ah, well, foiled again.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Wishing He Was Dead - The Like
…oh my god, apparently iTunes is really bitter about my single-mindedness with Dog Days today. I AM NOT ACTUALLY EVIL, TRYING TO KILL ANYONE, OR PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION. Christ.
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Rocky Raccoon - The Beatles
I am tempted to do this now, if I ever end up deciding to legally bind myself to another person instead of just sharing houseroom with them and causally thieving from their closet. The absurdity value alone, man.
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? I Can Sleep When I'm Dead - Jason Michael Carroll
If you don't know this song, please do not google it. Please do not. Please do not, it will only hurt you. If you do know this song, please refer to the first answer I gave about terrible country music and not judging me, because I just. I have nothing to say for myself. I have nothing to declare, not even my genius.
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? No Sleep Tonight - The Faders
Well, writing does often lead to no sleep. I'll give you this one, iTunes, but you are still on notice.
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? I'm Crazy and Gay Cats - Mike Birbiglia
WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN AGAIN. I do not actually have a song called I'm Crazy and Gay Cats in my iTunes--Mike Birbiglia is a hilarious comedian I discovered via This American Life, and this is a bit from one of his comedy albums. He is amazing, you guys should try him.
Also, I do not possess any cats, gay or otherwise, and if there is anyone reading this blog who thinks my insanity is a secret, I'm going to advise going back and looking a lot harder.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Pena - Captain Beefheart
dfjsdkf I was just telling someone about this stupid fucking thing the other day--I have this friend, okay, who hooks me up with awesome music all the time, and she loves Captain Beefheart, and I HATE CAPTAIN BEEFHEART (sorry, Captain Beefheart fans on my flist, I am not judging you, I just, ugh). Anyway, she put a bunch of it on my computer because she likes to see me suffer and I keep forgetting to delete it, and THIS SONG starts off with someone repeating the phrase "fast and bulbous!" enthusiastically, because Captain Beefheart is all absurdist whatever.
This is jarring at the best of times, but it is ESPECIALLY JARRING WHEN WRITING PORN SJDKFHDSKFDSF
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Toxic - Britney Spears
It said the worst thing that could happen, not the worst song, iTunes. Oh, god, I am mortified to have to admit that I own this song, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
HOW WILL YOU DIE? Broken - Norah Jones
HOW COMFORTING, ITUNES, THANK YOU
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Shelter Me - The Waifs
While neither pertinent to the question nor funny, this does give me the chance to pimp The Waifs! They're this really awesome Aussie folk band I've been obsessed with for years, you guys should check them out.
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Hurricane Drunk - Florence & The Machine
There are a couple people on my flist who have received drunk dials from me and can confirm this--this is scarily accurate. I laugh like a hyena when trashed, pretty much constantly. It's very sad for me, or at least for the people around me.
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Carry Me Home - The Hush Sound
Well, okay, the first line of this song is "I used to dream until I stopped writing fiction," and NOT WRITING FICTION WOULD TOTALLY MAKE ME CRY. So, fine, this one gets a checkmark.
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? I Want You Back - Jackson 5
…I tried to actually write something about this like four times, and stopped and danced around in my chair all four times. I GIVE UP, EVERYBODY DANCE NOW.
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Yellow - MIT Logarhythms (a cappella cover of the Coldplay song)
Yes indeed. The color yellow strikes fear into my heart. I quiver in terror. In fact, I would go so far as to say yellow…bring out my yellow streak.
…oh, whatever, it's 1 AM and there's never a bad reason to whip out the instant rimshot button.
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Relentless - Jo O'meara
YES, THIS QUIZ IS INDEED RELENTLESS ON THAT TOPIC. I mean, look, I'm as willing to talk about sex and whatever as the next girl, but I am not in middle school, quiz. If I want to know if someone likes me, I will ask them, because I am a fully developed adult. LET IT GO.
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Bonnie & Clyde II - Martina Sorbara
Kudos for actually grabbing a song with a historical event in the title, iTunes! But really, this is the one you pick?
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? American Boy - Estelle & Kanye West
Yes, this song does hurt me. I think it hurts us all.
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Titties & Beer - Rodney Carrington
…fuck you, iTunes. Fuck you so much.
Right, so, I almost finished the Steve counterpart to that fic I put up earlier, only then my brain crapped out and elrhiarhodan did this music quiz thinger where you put your iTunes on shuffle and answer questions with the songs that come up. So I did that, and got mostly hilarious results, which I then...went through and talked about...because I have this problem where I am incapable of shutting up.
You guys are going to think so much fucking less of my music taste after this. HOWEVER, the basic principals of this XKCD comic (totally and very much copyright Randall Munroe) pretty much apply here as well:
In conclusion: try to contain your disdain. I know it will be difficult.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY: Swing Batter Batter - Trace Adkins
WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN. I have this. This shameful love of really atrocious country music, okay. It's like my love of ridiculous badfic and The Room! It's entertaining in its epic fail, and this is maybe the worst song of all time, but every once in awhile I feel like just laughing my ass off at terrible…stop judging me! STOP JUDGING ME, I SEE YOU JUDGING ME.
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Womanizer on Fire - Kings of Leon vs. Britney Spears vs. Jason Nevins (Mashup by LeeDM101)
While I hope I'm not a womanizer, I kind of…hope I'm not on fire more…
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN THE OPPOSITE/SAME SEX? In The Car - Barenaked Ladies
WELL, ACTUALLY. I have this theory that you shouldn't seriously commit to anyone until you've had to spend 18+ hours in a car with them. While this is probably borne of the fact that my parents used to say things like LET'S GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE FROM OHIO TO SOUTHERN FLORIDA WITH TWO TEENAGERS AND A 5 YEAR OLD, YES, EXCELLENT PLAN, it has proved an effective test. If you can spend that much time cooped up with someone and come out of it not wanting to kill them dead too much, it's probably a solid match, I'm just saying.
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
I'm pretty sure this is actually my iTunes projecting, because I pretty much just used it to play "Dog Days are Over" on a constant loop today.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? Althea - The Grateful Dead
In five years, when I'm inevitably a hobo waving around a sign that says "Will write for food," I am going to come back to this quiz and use it to justify adopting a nomadic lifestyle following Grateful Dead cover bands.
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? I Shot The Sheriff - Eric Clapton
FUCK YOU ITUNES, I DIDN'T SHOOT ANYONE. Also oh my fucking god I love Clapton a lot but I hate this song so much. It's only on my computer because my mother hates it even more than me, and I like to burn it onto CDs for her (the times, you guys, she is a little behind them), tucked in amongst music she enjoys, because she leaves me the most hilarious messages ever about how this and A Horse With No Name are the worst songs ever written, and why am I like this, and this is my father's influence isn't it, and she knew she should have married someone less crazy, and she's going to get me back for this, and thank you for the rest of the CD that isn't terrible and soul-destroying, and she loves me. :D
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Silent All These Years - Tori Amos
Ahahahahhahahahahahhaahahahahahah. I once overheard a friend of mine describe me to a third party as, "No, the little blonde girl, you met her at that party, she was the one holding the bottle of Jameson and yelling about monkeys." I'm actually pretty sure iTunes is mocking me.
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band - The Beatles
hermette, I AM SO FREAKED OUT BECAUSE OF THIS, OH MY GOD. Everyone else…okay, I am working on this story that I'm not going to talk about because it's ridiculous and I can't even think about it right now, but this is like. dfhdjskfhdsj THIS IS A VERY SCARY THING MY ITUNES DID HERE, I THINK IT IS SENTIENT, SEND HELP.
WHAT IS 2+2? Rocket Man - Elton John
While completely nonsensical, the disconnect between the question and the answer here is an extremely accurate representation of my relationship with mathematics. SORRY, cherrybina, I CAN'T HELP IT D:
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Whenever, Wherever - Shakira
Oh, god, why why why why is this on my iTunes why, dsjfhsdjkf please refer to the comic above, Christ.
On the plus side, I did send my best friend a text that said "lucky that my breasts are small and humble" when this came up, and she sent back I HAVE BEEN CONFUSING THEM WITH MOUNTAINS ANYWAY, so at least I can be sure we're still good together ♥
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Oxford Comma - Vampire Weekend
Well, as the most active relationship in my life right this moment is the one I am having with my laptop and the six million docs I have open, THIS IS KIND OF SPOT-ON.
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Everyday People - Sly and the Family Stone
This is accurate if we have an Eats, Shoots and Leaves moment and insert a comma. Everyday, people! Because seriously, you guys, PEOPLE HAPPEN TO ME EVERY DAY.
Otherwise, lolno. The people in my life are many things, but they are not particularly "everyday." Please see every entry ever about my family for further proof.
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Napolean - Ani Difranco
Shit, iTunes has revealed my plan to take over the world too soon. I was going to learn from Eddie Izzard history, too! Ah, well, foiled again.
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Wishing He Was Dead - The Like
…oh my god, apparently iTunes is really bitter about my single-mindedness with Dog Days today. I AM NOT ACTUALLY EVIL, TRYING TO KILL ANYONE, OR PLANNING WORLD DOMINATION. Christ.
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Rocky Raccoon - The Beatles
I am tempted to do this now, if I ever end up deciding to legally bind myself to another person instead of just sharing houseroom with them and causally thieving from their closet. The absurdity value alone, man.
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? I Can Sleep When I'm Dead - Jason Michael Carroll
If you don't know this song, please do not google it. Please do not. Please do not, it will only hurt you. If you do know this song, please refer to the first answer I gave about terrible country music and not judging me, because I just. I have nothing to say for myself. I have nothing to declare, not even my genius.
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? No Sleep Tonight - The Faders
Well, writing does often lead to no sleep. I'll give you this one, iTunes, but you are still on notice.
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? I'm Crazy and Gay Cats - Mike Birbiglia
WAIT LET ME EXPLAIN AGAIN. I do not actually have a song called I'm Crazy and Gay Cats in my iTunes--Mike Birbiglia is a hilarious comedian I discovered via This American Life, and this is a bit from one of his comedy albums. He is amazing, you guys should try him.
Also, I do not possess any cats, gay or otherwise, and if there is anyone reading this blog who thinks my insanity is a secret, I'm going to advise going back and looking a lot harder.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Pena - Captain Beefheart
dfjsdkf I was just telling someone about this stupid fucking thing the other day--I have this friend, okay, who hooks me up with awesome music all the time, and she loves Captain Beefheart, and I HATE CAPTAIN BEEFHEART (sorry, Captain Beefheart fans on my flist, I am not judging you, I just, ugh). Anyway, she put a bunch of it on my computer because she likes to see me suffer and I keep forgetting to delete it, and THIS SONG starts off with someone repeating the phrase "fast and bulbous!" enthusiastically, because Captain Beefheart is all absurdist whatever.
This is jarring at the best of times, but it is ESPECIALLY JARRING WHEN WRITING PORN SJDKFHDSKFDSF
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Toxic - Britney Spears
It said the worst thing that could happen, not the worst song, iTunes. Oh, god, I am mortified to have to admit that I own this song, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
HOW WILL YOU DIE? Broken - Norah Jones
HOW COMFORTING, ITUNES, THANK YOU
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Shelter Me - The Waifs
While neither pertinent to the question nor funny, this does give me the chance to pimp The Waifs! They're this really awesome Aussie folk band I've been obsessed with for years, you guys should check them out.
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Hurricane Drunk - Florence & The Machine
There are a couple people on my flist who have received drunk dials from me and can confirm this--this is scarily accurate. I laugh like a hyena when trashed, pretty much constantly. It's very sad for me, or at least for the people around me.
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? Carry Me Home - The Hush Sound
Well, okay, the first line of this song is "I used to dream until I stopped writing fiction," and NOT WRITING FICTION WOULD TOTALLY MAKE ME CRY. So, fine, this one gets a checkmark.
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? I Want You Back - Jackson 5
…I tried to actually write something about this like four times, and stopped and danced around in my chair all four times. I GIVE UP, EVERYBODY DANCE NOW.
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Yellow - MIT Logarhythms (a cappella cover of the Coldplay song)
Yes indeed. The color yellow strikes fear into my heart. I quiver in terror. In fact, I would go so far as to say yellow…bring out my yellow streak.
…oh, whatever, it's 1 AM and there's never a bad reason to whip out the instant rimshot button.
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Relentless - Jo O'meara
YES, THIS QUIZ IS INDEED RELENTLESS ON THAT TOPIC. I mean, look, I'm as willing to talk about sex and whatever as the next girl, but I am not in middle school, quiz. If I want to know if someone likes me, I will ask them, because I am a fully developed adult. LET IT GO.
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Bonnie & Clyde II - Martina Sorbara
Kudos for actually grabbing a song with a historical event in the title, iTunes! But really, this is the one you pick?
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? American Boy - Estelle & Kanye West
Yes, this song does hurt me. I think it hurts us all.
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Titties & Beer - Rodney Carrington
…fuck you, iTunes. Fuck you so much.