Basic instinct
What is a life without excitement? What is a life that has no ups and downs? What is life that has no extremities? What is that life which is averse to risks?
All the questions of an agitated mind. Is there a time when this mind will be settled? Think that I have reached the paramount?
How torturous and interesting can life be with all these elements in life?
These were the questions the psychiatrist was pouring upon in the middle of that night. Though he had seen many people who came to him with stranger and rarer symptoms of abnormality, this one person led him to think on the basic nature of the human mind.
An unsettled mind can either be constructive or destructive. Frustration, extreme happiness are common symptoms. But what this person did with his life was what anybody would in that frame mind would do.
Where did it all begin? Well, at the age of 10 when he who was an innocent kid faced the reality which was harsh to that tender age. A lustful gay had changed his life forever though not in terms of sexuality, but in terms of ambiguity. That touch that was uncomfortable had opened a new world to the child. Introduced to the term sexuality. Though he had watched raunchy scenes in the movies, the experience of it had thrown him to whirling pool of the adult world.
And that night was the most horrible one. His grandmother's warmth did not put him to sleep. The first minute he dropped off to sleep, would be awakened by the evening scene and the dark hands poking his body in the most uncomfortable manner.
And his effort to tell his parents of what happened in the shocked state failed. They thought some guy played prank that had scared the boy.
That was the beginning to an agitated mind.
The year was followed by bouts of depression and when he looked to the support it was missing. The nightmarish incident taught him one thing- to live without ground beneath your feet, without the feel of the roots, with a feeling of unsafeness at your own home.
The incident had made the boy aware of his sexuality which was exhibited as he stepped towards teenage when he fell in and out of crushes. And finally got into a relationship that made him feel cared, loved and supported. Well, it culminated into marriage, happy or not the end was separation. No obvious reasons to split, but the unsettled mind did not allow him to continue with the marriage for more than two years.
And those two years were his own. He was tied in a relationship, but felt he had set out to explore the world with his own eyes at a tender age when curiosity overtook the caution. He saw himself, her, house, people, city, society in their penniless form. His heart yearned for something he didn't know. That was when his unsettled mind had begun pushing him to take up another risk in life to keep it busy. The mind was tired, bored of her in these two years. She was no more an interesting thing for him.
He left her behind and walked ahead towards his smaller goal of seeing another city where he learnt the tricks of earning. Earn and earn and earn was his only motto again for two years. This time he saw the world through money.
After two years, it was getting boring. So to bring some excitement to his life he got into a relationship. But he was careful this time not to tie a knot. He had fun again for two years. And again after two years, his unsettled mind....
Such a few compartments of two years passed in his life. In spite of the worldly knowledge he gained in those compartments of two years, his mind remained unsettled. And today he sits in front of a psychiatrist to settle down his unsettled mind.
Who knows if his unsettled mind gets tired of this thing after two years?
All the questions of an agitated mind. Is there a time when this mind will be settled? Think that I have reached the paramount?
How torturous and interesting can life be with all these elements in life?
These were the questions the psychiatrist was pouring upon in the middle of that night. Though he had seen many people who came to him with stranger and rarer symptoms of abnormality, this one person led him to think on the basic nature of the human mind.
An unsettled mind can either be constructive or destructive. Frustration, extreme happiness are common symptoms. But what this person did with his life was what anybody would in that frame mind would do.
Where did it all begin? Well, at the age of 10 when he who was an innocent kid faced the reality which was harsh to that tender age. A lustful gay had changed his life forever though not in terms of sexuality, but in terms of ambiguity. That touch that was uncomfortable had opened a new world to the child. Introduced to the term sexuality. Though he had watched raunchy scenes in the movies, the experience of it had thrown him to whirling pool of the adult world.
And that night was the most horrible one. His grandmother's warmth did not put him to sleep. The first minute he dropped off to sleep, would be awakened by the evening scene and the dark hands poking his body in the most uncomfortable manner.
And his effort to tell his parents of what happened in the shocked state failed. They thought some guy played prank that had scared the boy.
That was the beginning to an agitated mind.
The year was followed by bouts of depression and when he looked to the support it was missing. The nightmarish incident taught him one thing- to live without ground beneath your feet, without the feel of the roots, with a feeling of unsafeness at your own home.
The incident had made the boy aware of his sexuality which was exhibited as he stepped towards teenage when he fell in and out of crushes. And finally got into a relationship that made him feel cared, loved and supported. Well, it culminated into marriage, happy or not the end was separation. No obvious reasons to split, but the unsettled mind did not allow him to continue with the marriage for more than two years.
And those two years were his own. He was tied in a relationship, but felt he had set out to explore the world with his own eyes at a tender age when curiosity overtook the caution. He saw himself, her, house, people, city, society in their penniless form. His heart yearned for something he didn't know. That was when his unsettled mind had begun pushing him to take up another risk in life to keep it busy. The mind was tired, bored of her in these two years. She was no more an interesting thing for him.
He left her behind and walked ahead towards his smaller goal of seeing another city where he learnt the tricks of earning. Earn and earn and earn was his only motto again for two years. This time he saw the world through money.
After two years, it was getting boring. So to bring some excitement to his life he got into a relationship. But he was careful this time not to tie a knot. He had fun again for two years. And again after two years, his unsettled mind....
Such a few compartments of two years passed in his life. In spite of the worldly knowledge he gained in those compartments of two years, his mind remained unsettled. And today he sits in front of a psychiatrist to settle down his unsettled mind.
Who knows if his unsettled mind gets tired of this thing after two years?