This Feels Like Home
It's been quite a long while now and thankfully, when you're hiding out from everyone else, it's better to come back to a place that people have already overlooked - livejournal. Yes, I get to be myself here and not pissed at what I see and read at Multiply; it's just too much for me to digest at the moment. I just want to put all my thoughts into perspective. And thank God for GossipGirl to get me interested to be alive still. I love, love, love Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf!
I just want to scream at everyone who seemed to have disappointed me this early part of the year. I guess that what you get when you put some trust in them, you end up getting disappointed. So now, I plan on just making 1 set of friends only. This will limit the disappointment factor in the future. Seems as I am already alone right about now, then there won't be problems when it comes to heartaches (friends) in the future. Actually, I kinda am sick and tired of being alone since being currently unemployed makes me alone here at home most of the time. Then there's the group of friends that you realized you've absolutely nothing in common with already. I just run away from them, then. They don't get me and I don't think they ever will. I mean, they used to but somehow things change as it always does. With all the craziness and the grief that I am still going through, I don't think I need to be around people who don't understand the real me, I think what I need right now is be understood since I can't even understand why I'm going through this. It all boils down to missing my mom actually, and no one has the firm grasp of how drastic I am currently feeling even if it's been 6 months now. All the anxiety and the moments I miss my mum so much that I tend to cry myself to sleep. And somehow my dad seems to be far, far away too. I get so angry at everything that I feel like cutting everyone out and running away (somewhere far and disconnected). Being unemployed doesn't help the cause too especially when you want to be busy and not keep on thinking and thinking and thinking.
I talked to a friend last Sunday, he said that it sounded as if I were a boy-hater. On the contrary, I actually agreed with him when he said, "I hope someone would sweep you off your feet; that'd make you eat your words". I have been wishing that for some time now, it's kinda depressing being alone all the time, and being in-love looks like something I want to get into right now. I don't think I'm too young for a relationship, man I'm already 22 this year! I think being in a relationship will help me with the bruises that I still have, I don't think they've turned into scars yet, they will, in time.
Xoxo.
I just want to scream at everyone who seemed to have disappointed me this early part of the year. I guess that what you get when you put some trust in them, you end up getting disappointed. So now, I plan on just making 1 set of friends only. This will limit the disappointment factor in the future. Seems as I am already alone right about now, then there won't be problems when it comes to heartaches (friends) in the future. Actually, I kinda am sick and tired of being alone since being currently unemployed makes me alone here at home most of the time. Then there's the group of friends that you realized you've absolutely nothing in common with already. I just run away from them, then. They don't get me and I don't think they ever will. I mean, they used to but somehow things change as it always does. With all the craziness and the grief that I am still going through, I don't think I need to be around people who don't understand the real me, I think what I need right now is be understood since I can't even understand why I'm going through this. It all boils down to missing my mom actually, and no one has the firm grasp of how drastic I am currently feeling even if it's been 6 months now. All the anxiety and the moments I miss my mum so much that I tend to cry myself to sleep. And somehow my dad seems to be far, far away too. I get so angry at everything that I feel like cutting everyone out and running away (somewhere far and disconnected). Being unemployed doesn't help the cause too especially when you want to be busy and not keep on thinking and thinking and thinking.
I talked to a friend last Sunday, he said that it sounded as if I were a boy-hater. On the contrary, I actually agreed with him when he said, "I hope someone would sweep you off your feet; that'd make you eat your words". I have been wishing that for some time now, it's kinda depressing being alone all the time, and being in-love looks like something I want to get into right now. I don't think I'm too young for a relationship, man I'm already 22 this year! I think being in a relationship will help me with the bruises that I still have, I don't think they've turned into scars yet, they will, in time.
Xoxo.