The All-American Girl
Vacant truths slurr in her mind, as she stretches a smile across her crooked teeth,bats her eyelashes, and prays they won't notice the face devoid of beauty. At night she prays for a firm belly,long lean legs, and shiny hair. She stumbles when she dances, and cries at night while everyone else sleeps. Her lips do not confess. She paints her masks with Cover Girl and Maybelline. She still gets surprised when they take advantage. Sometimes she leads them on for sport. Sometimes she lies and sometimes she laughs too loud and sometimes she hexes the world and everyone on it. She never got chosen for dodgeball, and she was always too mature for her age. She's caught between woman and girl and doesn't know what to do about the in-between. She creates lovely fantasies because she hates who she's become, and she really just wants to sleep for a long time and wake up beautiful. She gets furious at her parents for building her up with tales of faries and princess and princes that are actually charming and kingdoms where those who love and laugh end up on top. She resents herself for resenting them.She misses having her hair brushed and braided, jellyshoes,too. She really loved those things, even though the plastic smelled like skunk and left blisters. She used to get chastised for climbing trees in pink lace dresses,but now could never muster the energy to care enough to get up there. Her knees are bruised from begging and her cheeks are stained from caring. She still thinks she is going to be a rockstar when she grows up, and paints her nails blood red and loves jenna jameson's work. She prays for a man to take her on a horse drawn sleigh ride with a fur blanket, and hopes God will hear her again someday. She is going to be an angel someday, and she will kiss people eyelashes with snowflakes.