okay, here's a real update for you bitches.
this is going to be a real lj post. exciting, huh? thought so.
right now in my life things are falling down all around me, but it hasn't seemed to really GET to me, ya dig? like the car thing... the fucking car thing. this car has been in my garage for weeks begging to be driven. i had the money to pay for registration, which is the deal, but then my mother had to borrow 10 dollars from me and now i am just as fucked as i was when there was no car. at least untill friday, when i get paid, but i want to it happen sooner than that. i have been waiting so long for this. i know i am whining and bitching like a spoiled brat. but whatever, i mean, if you dont like it fuck off. stop reading. get a fucking life. i should be saying that to myself. i should stop holding stupid grudges. shoulda coulda woulda. fuck it. so yet again, i look like a fool over the car thing, and yet again, i am fucked when it comes to hanging out with people, because i am just not cool enough to be considered untill the 5th person or so. meh....
david and i are no longer together. and for you fucks who are thinking: "well, that wont last, look at what happened last time. how many times have they broken up, now?" fuck you. you didnt talk to me about it, instead you fed the rumor mill. fuck you, you, oh yeah... and you, too. but the weird thing is, when david and i broke up i wanted him back so fucking bad. i missed that feeling. and that's exactly it. the feeling. i missed feeling like i was cared about, i missed having someone to care about like that. i am a relationship-a-holic. yeah, but i think i am not going to have a serious relationship with someone for a long time, because i like having that innocence. i like just having fun and it seems that with a relationship there is fun, but it becomes too... mundane. i get bored too fast. that's why i could never get married. is it wrong that i have a crush on someone? is it wrong that i encourage david to like girls so i won't feel bad when i like boys? whatever, at some point in time we are all in the wrong.
i am not getting involved in the drama. i need to talk to kaylynn. i need to talk to ty ty. i need to talk, and not isolate myself. that's what happened with me and david. we isolated ourselves from the world. it was just me and him. and in a way it is still just me and him. i am going to get back the people that i have lost. i am going to meet new people. i now know that david cant be my whole life. although.... someone else could... haha. just kidding.
i feel giddy at the thought... =-D