(no subject)
alright. i hold in my lap the one, the only.... the "Would You Rather...?" book!!! back by popular demand, and wanting to be read on the internet. here's some good ones:
1. Would you rather...vomit marbles -or- swear cheese?
things to consider: projectile vomiting, jogging, the flu.
2. would you rather... have living eyebrows that crawl about your face -or- leave a trail of paprika wherever you go?
3. would you rather...have your eyes and nipples switch places -or- your nose and your perineum?
4. would you rather...have a sinus infection where anytime you sneeze while in the presence of others, they change sex -or- have the inability to distinguish between babies and english muffins?
things to consider: grocery shopping, butterein, watching a football game furing allergy season
5. would you rather...emit the smell of sulfur every tim eyou smile -or- cry glue?
5. would you rather have...
bendy straws for hair -or- newspaper for skin?
pork chops for earlobes -or- magic eight balls for elbows?
crayolas for teeth -or- shrimp for nipples?
6. would you rather...eat by putting food down your pants -or- not?
7. would you rather be..a toll booth operator -or- the guy who mops up at X-rated movie houses?
8. would you rather...watch porn with you parents -or- watch porn starring your parents?
9. would you rather...have sexual organs that glow red like ET's heart when you're attracted to someone -or- have the faint sound of playground chatter perpetually emanating from your crotch?
things to consider: funerals, wearing white pants, oral sex
10. would you rather...have sultry porno movie music sound out whenever you make a romantic advance -or- lost all sexual inhibition inn the presence of cantaloupe?
things to consider: possible X-rated film career, fruit salad at Grandma's house.
11. would you rather...have an incredibly adhesive face -or- a mildly magnetic scrotum(men); magnetic breasts (women)
things to consider: kissing, metal benches, zippers
12. would you rather...have sex with Tim Bosley and recieve 15,000 dollars' worth of non-redeemable arcade tokens -or- have sex with tom cruise and get a venereal disease called "Pubic Elves" where little green men infest your crotch area, leaving nothing but a sparking green rash?
13. would you rather...have a receding hairline -or- a PROceeding hairline
14. would you rather...have skin that tans upon hearing the voice of Al Gore -or- be able to make amish people break-dance?
15. would you rather...have the power to shave just by thingins really hard -or- have an unexplainable gift, whereupon flushing the toilet, everybody in the building renounces their religion?
things to consider: impressing dates, bar mitzvahs
16. would you rather...have retractable claws -or- prehensile dreadlocks?
17. would you rather...be able to walk on pudding -or- be able to project holograms of mexican super-group Menudo?
things to consider: street performing, convincing primitive cultures you;re a god
18. would you rather...have a ketchup dispensing navel -or- a pencil-sharpening nostril?
19. would you rather...be able to successfully aviod doing chores and facing minor relationship problems by hiding inder some coats for a little while -or- be able to bake a chicken pot pie in your pants?
20. would you rather...swallow a douzen thumbtacks -or- cut off your lower lip with a rusty pair of scissors?
21. would you rather...be stoned to death by pickles -or- be submerged in mayonnaise until you suffocate?
22. would you rather...have your head implode -or- have your head explode?
23. would you rather...notice live magots in you Milkey Way after you've eaten two big bites -or- find a few pubic hairs at the bottom of your Caesar salad?
24. would you rather...break a lightbulb in your mouth -or- be slashed with a thousand papercuts and then dipped into a giant bowl of rubbing alcohol?
25. would you rather...take all your showers naked in a storefront window or a month -or- masturbate infront of your fourth grade teacher?
26. would you rather live in a world...where the handshake was replaced by the act of grabbing another's genitals, giggling, abd bouncing up and down-or- where all international disputes were settled by means of break-dancing contests?
27. would you rather live in...
the Star Trek universe -or- the world of Dr. Seuss?
a salvador Dali landscape -or- Tolkien's middle earth?
28. would you rather live in a world...where at the end of a rainbow there really was a pot of gold -or- where at the end of a rainbow there were five hundred cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon?
29. would you rather live in a world...where people's heights fluctuated significantly from day to day -or- where their ages did?
30. would you rather...have a fifty-inch vertical leap but swell up around the neck and face when storms are brewing -or- have baby-soft skin but have to carry a picture of Leonard Nimoy in your wallet?
31. would you rather...have perfectly developed trapezius muscles but skahy moral grounding -or- be able to generate complez shadow puppets but comprehend absolutely nothing said to you between the hours of three and four p.m.?
32. would you rather...have a flair for interior design but wibble ceaselessly in the presence of small children -or- be able to type eighty words a minute but moan like Chewbacca when you defecate?
things to consider: public restrooms, domestic life
33. would you rather have complete control over...every headline of the NY times -or- who mates with whom?
34. would you rather...go to the store -or- borrow the milk?
35. would you rather...be unaffected by the Higgs Field- a theoretical superforce that permeates the univers, endowing matters with mass -or- fart confetti?
36. would you rather...have a variety of dyslexia where anything you try to read becomes a page from Yes, I Can, the story of Sammy Davis, Jr. -or- have a bizarre sleep disorder where you always wake up ona train to New Orleans?
37. would you rather...fight Mike Tyson -or- talk like him?
38. would you rather...have veins on the outside of your skin -or- have your mood directly dependent on how high your socks are?
things to consider: bathing depression
39. would you rather be stuck on a desert island with...hungry cannibals -or- horny inmates?
40. would you rather...have a love of dance so insatiable that at the sound of any music you feel compelled to do the Conga (this stemming from your inablity to control yourself any longa) -or- have an unbelievably extreme phobia of vegtables, rice, and naybody named Samuel?
41. would you rather... have a unique venereal disease where whenever you kiss someone they transform into a Japanese soldier who things the war is still on -or- have the inablilty to distinguish between the taste of m int and the concept of increasing?
42. would you rather... compulsively mumble "kibbles 'n bits. kibbles'n bits. I've got to get me some kibbles 'n bits." anytime you run or walk swiftly -or- have a condition whereupon becoming increasingly irritates, more and more popcorn starts to pop in your trousers?
43. would you rather... appear to be three feet to the left of where you really are -or- not exist on december 18 every year?
44. would you rather... never be able to complete a thought -or-
hey, bitches, answer the questions.