(no subject)
There’s a group of high schoolers just outside the window. They’re yelling and cursing and cat calling at every woman that has to squeeze past them on the sidewalk. Their faces are painted -red and yellow and blue. I forgot what it felt like to be excited for Halloween.
Last year, I laid out my costume and pre-gamed with a vodka tonic that had too much cheap vodka and not enough tonic. I didn’t have a lime, because I never have limes. Just like I never have tape or spare batteries.
The owner of the tea shop turns up the music, maybe in an attempt to drown out the boys, maybe because he just really likes the song. My hands nurse the cup, grateful for the warmth. Winter may not be my favorite season, but tea always tastes slightly better, and the soups! Oh, the soups!
I’m not particularly fond of the music, so I turn my attention back to the book I found resting on a trashcan.
They said not working would never work. I mean, you have to eat right? We ate…we ate what they threw away, whatever we could fit in a basket and walk out with. Ironic that as perceived “struggling” and “starving” kids, we maybe gave away more than we ate. What does a vegan do with fifty packages of Chips Ahoy anyway? And why did Walgreens throw them all away?
The boys are getting irritating, and I don’t like the voice of whoever is drifting through the speakers. Her voice is making the hair on my arms stand, I should probably leave. Maybe I’m just overcaffeinated, or undercaffenated - sleep deprived or underliving.
My therapist and I have been discussing ways to cure my chronic boredom. She thinks that’s the key to ‘fixing me.’ The way to get me to live in an apartment for more than a year, maybe stay in one state or country long enough to feel like I’m home.
The owner of the café looks out the window. His hands are in his pockets in a way that makes me think he is comfortable with his job - his life. The storm is going to hit hard, he says, to no one in particular. Let’s shut this city down.
There’s a couple in the corner, just in front of me. The woman is resting her head on the man, and they look so happy. I used to think that there was something wrong with me that I couldn’t understand relationships - couldn’t (can’t) function in them. No matter how much I try to tweak the situation, I can’t seem to find my ‘other half.’
One and one always make two.
“They said, “You can’t live this way forever.” Some of us agreed, and secretly planned to leave youth behind one day. Others thought - “We’re good now, in ten years we’ll be pros, in twenty we’ll conquer the world!” Some hoped not. They wished people wouldn’t throw so much away - food, books, whole buildings. That one day the means of production would be returned to the people so we wouldn’t need their food, or their old houses. They made the mess, may as well dance in it. Some of us shrugged and said, “Why not?” Others found the implication odd that they could live their way forever - working and drinking and watching TV - and why they would want to.
My tea is done. This might be my new favorite blend - if I can remember the name….something with a rose. There’s a thin layer of sugar still on the bottom. I have a tendency to over sweeten my tea. Sometimes I’m embarrassed to ask for as many spoonfuls as I like. There is a compartment in my bag that has spare sugar packets.
The waitress takes my cup and I offer a quiet thanks. We’ve seen each other enough to be on a first name basis…but we’re not. One day, I’ll introduce myself, but not today. She takes a few steps towards the kitchen, but returns with the cup still in her hand.
“We’re going to start having wine tastings on Thursdays,” she says, pulling a card out of her apron. “15 dollars for two people, and three wines are 5 dollars each. Of course cheese will be provided.”
I take the card. This sounds like my kind of meal. No main courses, white wine, and cheese. Maybe I’ll be daring and go for the red. I’ve been feeling bored, after all, and a slight change will cure that - at least for a while. I have to decide who to bring with me - maybe I’ll finally find out the waitresses name.
“Something happened when we quit our jobs, quit paying rent, quit paying for anything. And I think back to the early days - when, like clouds parting to reveal the sin, we discovered what we were told had been lies, that it could be done, and that it would mean the time of our lives.”
It’s about time to shut this laptop down. The storm is coming, and I have two puppies waiting for me to return.