So, the 'fun' girl really does have some deep thoughts..how bout that
Current mood: irritated
Category: Religion and Philosophy
So many thoughts have been trudging their way though my mind these last few days. I have felt sort of out of kilter and moody, and unfortunately I cant blame it on PMS this time. I have to figure a goodly part is a bit of 'euphoric crash' with the closing of faire. I was really teary when everything ended. Ive been reading the posts on the yahoo group from everyone involved, and Ive had a certain feeling of wonder, amazement, gratitude, fulfillment, and true contentment in addition to that bit of euphoric crash.
I look back on all the wonderful people I made friends with and smile a whole, whole lot. I think about all the little kids I made smile and feel magical for a few moments..just because I took the time to make them 'number one' for however long we happened to be talking. I was glad to read about posts from others who got so much gratification from those little moments too...Im certain there were many many little magical moments like that for all of us involved. I love that I took the time to be involed, and that I could be one of the ones making that happen for someone else. I have already written a blog about feeling like that is a big part of the true meaning in life. So to everyone out there from faire who happens to be reading this, and who I have to happily added to my list of friends...I love ya tonnes!
This entry is going to ramble some because my mind is swarming right now. Its funny to me how I am teetering between total contentment in so many aspects of my life...my family is doing wonderfully, I love my job, I love my hobbies, I have countless friends who I would do anything for and who I know would give the same in return. In so many ways this has been the mosts fulfilling and happy year of my life. And that my friends, does make me smile and get a bit teary. Thank you all for the parts you play in my daily happiness, and more importantly in the many wonderful memories that will last me a lifetime. I have a diverse group of friends...some I see everyday, some I get see at special times..like when I get to play pirate- heh, and some who I never get to physically see, but their friendships mean so much to me regardless of where they are in the world. In these things my life is rich, and I am content, happy and thankful.
Which leads me to the area of contention in my life. I am currently at a crux in the faith, beleive, spirituality, religion department. I dont necessarily see this as a bad thing, so please dont feel the need to rush to my side with evangelical offerings, although I am certain they would be well meant if offered. Its not about being saved or not, falling off the deep end, being faithless or a multitude of other religious niches one might find themsleves. Its about being at a turning point of knowing what you beleive and what is important to you no longer meshes with what you were/are taught in the church of your parents. I was raised Catholic. Its really all I have ever known, and in many ways the traditions of the old world church were comforting. But I have over the past few years grown farther and farther away from being able to stomach the religious politcalisms that are so intertwined in organized religion.
Its come to the point now that I cannot willingly want to walk into a catholic church, or one even closely resembling it. I know I am a spiritual person, I am a faithful person, and I try to live my life by making good choices and making others happy. But those things do not fit into the image of traditional christanity in how I feel I'd like to express my self.
Now, I can imagine if anyone is actually taking the time to read this, that some people might want to jump right up and defend their beleif or faith in the church or Christianity if they feel strongly about it. And I admire that. I am all about people finding what is right for them and embracing it. Which is where I am right now. Trying to find just that.
My crux is that I have ties to Christianity which are deep set from many years of up bringing, but there are so many things about organized religion, mainly, "men" who make decisions which are to be declared divine, making interpretations on historical/spiritual events and then squeuing them into something that matches the message they wish to preach. Just so many things making me go Hmmmm lately.
Then of course I have a true affinity for nature and the amazing spritiual connection I have with it. Its a simple contentedness that makes me feel complete. At this point in my life I could have a more profound spirutual moment of awakening under a maginificant starry sky or an emeral forest than I could in the walls of any church. It also doesnt befront me which diety you choose to call divine. I see them as all pathways to the same end that everyone wants to achieve. I know any devout Christians reading this may want to jump up and tell me how mislead I may be in feeling that. I have this feeling that spirituality is so much larger than one little peg hole of Christianity. Jesus is/was a magnificant teacher and leader in his preachings. The stories of the bible can teach much about life. But I also think that those stories parallel so many other religions and their teachings and dieties. The foundation of Christianity is paganism..no way in getting around that. Much is borrowed from the old ways. And I respect and hold an affinity for those ways as well. I often wonder why it is that they touch me and speak to me the way they do.
Now you realize this clashes with the years of catholic upbringing, and that nagging voice of catholic guilt still tries to rear its nasty little head when I realize how much respect I have for many aspects of nature and mother earth spirituality. I still thnk maybe i was druid or wiccan in a past life. I do believe we return to continue on in future lives and carry aspects of those things with us...or the other consideration is that it is part of our ancestry and its in our blood from generations past who worshipped long before Christianity took hold. Hmmm this entry could go on and on...
I had someone tell me about Neo-paganism so I did a web search on it today. It led me to a website called www.beliefnet.com I did a little reading on it, thought Yah.. I see some things there that I can agree with, but I still donÃ?t know if its where I fit. Then I found some quizzes, and thought, ok lets see what insights they can offer me. I took one on What is your Spiritual Type? it declared that I was, based on my answers, An Old fashioned Seeker-- Happy with my religion but seeking the right expression of it.Ã? Hmmm ok. I donÃ?t know if I would say I am happy with my religion, because if we are talking organized religion, Im far from it. If they mean my religious beliefs, I believe what I believe. ..LOL As far as seeking the right expression of it..yes. Of course one can only put so much stock in these insiteful quizzes. Id rather write my own answer than pick one of theirs that kinda fits what I am really thinking. So a grain of salt goes there. Some questions I didnÃ?t like any of the answers too.
Im sure questions like do you see the bible as myths and legend of a story teller, divine truth, a book of some truths and some legends, or nothing important (or something like that) pegged me in the old fashioned department. I think there are some truths in the bible and its stories and lessons hold weight, but I also believe it is a document that has been so politcalized over the years that "men" have written their own interpretations and laws, edicts and versions of what they want the people to know or believe into it, that one has to take that into consideration when interpreting it. There in lies a big crux for me.
Yes I read DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons. I loved the way it made the reader think. In no way am I saying Da Vinci Code is all truth blah blah blah, but I donÃ?t think its all lies either. Not that it matters to me. I think there are misleading interpreations in the bible. I think politics back to Constantine play a part of what the bible presentation outcome would be. Those are things that make me go hmmm. I think its entirely possible that Jesus had a relationship with Mary Magdelene. Not that its here nor there, but Im certainly one to say, if he did, it wouldnÃ?t change an iota of respect or feeling that I have for him or his teachings. Its entirely possible that many things are covered up in the bible. That is the point. We will never know which ones. So that leaves me to looking at the foundations of spirituality before man needed to go and mess with it to make it something that proved a point he wanted to make about something. (By the way, I think there is MUCH to be said about the divine femine, and the ways Christianity has succeeded in corrupting the age old images of it. But that is another blog)
I am a tolerant person. Religious freedom is a god given right of free will. A good friend once said to me that she saw all the religions of the world as spokes on a wheel..they all led to the center, they just took a different path of getting there. That makes a lot of sense to me. Now this doesnÃ?t mean that I condone suicide bombings and zealots who decide more people need to be murdered in the name of God. ThatÃ?s been going on for thousands of years as it is. And the Christians certainly have played their share in it as well. That's something else that makes me sick.
So I took another test What is your faith? It came out 100% Neo pagan. Oh the irony, that is what I went to the site to look up, and 98% Unitarian Universalism. (huh? whats that!) It then listed many other faiths in order of decending percent that might mesh with my beliefs as stated in their questions. (again not happy with the questions offered or some of the possible replies). But funny, Catholicism was listed at the VERY bottom of the list, only thing beneath it was Jehovah's Witness at dead last. I did take some time to look up Unitarian Universalism. Which in some ways incorporates Christianity in their teachings, but they are not a Christian organization per se. Interesting but Im still at a crux aren't I?
So what's my point? God, do I have one? I want to find a form of expression where I fit. Where I can have elements of Christianity and also the acceptance of divinity in nature and the powers I feel it holds. I want tolerance, I to be able to question, I donÃ?t want to be told. I want to be in awe. I want to believe science and see that it can work with spirituality somehow. I know there are more than angels among us. There are many kinds of angels and demons, I believe in the fae, I believe in spirits, I believe in metaphysical powers of body and spirit, and I donÃ?t believe they are heresy.
I want to teach my kids about a higher power, but I don't want it to be what I learned in a catholic church. But I don't know that I will feel any different if it were coming from a Methodist or Lutheran church. That feeling doesnÃ?t sit well with me. I read up a bit on Unitarianism, and some of it is very interesting. But then there is the part of me that says..ok is this left field freakyness? LoL Yes that's the Catholic guilt speaking again. Hush!..and be tolerant for two seconds, would you?
I know I am raising my kids to be good people--To be compassionate and respectful, To be loving and kind, charitable, to do unto others as they would have them do unto them. I preach the golden rule. Mom was right about that one. I do believe that Jesus was risen on the third day, but there are so many other things I question. Things just donÃ?t mesh. Billions of people are on this planet. One form of religion cant be it, and everyone else is wrong. There are things of worth in each of their teachings. I believe they all stem from the same source of divinity. There in lies the crux and I'm still standing here wondering what to do.
PS
I found this post on a board at beleifnet.com. Its called questioning catholicism. I hear some voices that sound like my own. http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/message_list.asp?boardID=762&discussionID=505112
Category: Religion and Philosophy
So many thoughts have been trudging their way though my mind these last few days. I have felt sort of out of kilter and moody, and unfortunately I cant blame it on PMS this time. I have to figure a goodly part is a bit of 'euphoric crash' with the closing of faire. I was really teary when everything ended. Ive been reading the posts on the yahoo group from everyone involved, and Ive had a certain feeling of wonder, amazement, gratitude, fulfillment, and true contentment in addition to that bit of euphoric crash.
I look back on all the wonderful people I made friends with and smile a whole, whole lot. I think about all the little kids I made smile and feel magical for a few moments..just because I took the time to make them 'number one' for however long we happened to be talking. I was glad to read about posts from others who got so much gratification from those little moments too...Im certain there were many many little magical moments like that for all of us involved. I love that I took the time to be involed, and that I could be one of the ones making that happen for someone else. I have already written a blog about feeling like that is a big part of the true meaning in life. So to everyone out there from faire who happens to be reading this, and who I have to happily added to my list of friends...I love ya tonnes!
This entry is going to ramble some because my mind is swarming right now. Its funny to me how I am teetering between total contentment in so many aspects of my life...my family is doing wonderfully, I love my job, I love my hobbies, I have countless friends who I would do anything for and who I know would give the same in return. In so many ways this has been the mosts fulfilling and happy year of my life. And that my friends, does make me smile and get a bit teary. Thank you all for the parts you play in my daily happiness, and more importantly in the many wonderful memories that will last me a lifetime. I have a diverse group of friends...some I see everyday, some I get see at special times..like when I get to play pirate- heh, and some who I never get to physically see, but their friendships mean so much to me regardless of where they are in the world. In these things my life is rich, and I am content, happy and thankful.
Which leads me to the area of contention in my life. I am currently at a crux in the faith, beleive, spirituality, religion department. I dont necessarily see this as a bad thing, so please dont feel the need to rush to my side with evangelical offerings, although I am certain they would be well meant if offered. Its not about being saved or not, falling off the deep end, being faithless or a multitude of other religious niches one might find themsleves. Its about being at a turning point of knowing what you beleive and what is important to you no longer meshes with what you were/are taught in the church of your parents. I was raised Catholic. Its really all I have ever known, and in many ways the traditions of the old world church were comforting. But I have over the past few years grown farther and farther away from being able to stomach the religious politcalisms that are so intertwined in organized religion.
Its come to the point now that I cannot willingly want to walk into a catholic church, or one even closely resembling it. I know I am a spiritual person, I am a faithful person, and I try to live my life by making good choices and making others happy. But those things do not fit into the image of traditional christanity in how I feel I'd like to express my self.
Now, I can imagine if anyone is actually taking the time to read this, that some people might want to jump right up and defend their beleif or faith in the church or Christianity if they feel strongly about it. And I admire that. I am all about people finding what is right for them and embracing it. Which is where I am right now. Trying to find just that.
My crux is that I have ties to Christianity which are deep set from many years of up bringing, but there are so many things about organized religion, mainly, "men" who make decisions which are to be declared divine, making interpretations on historical/spiritual events and then squeuing them into something that matches the message they wish to preach. Just so many things making me go Hmmmm lately.
Then of course I have a true affinity for nature and the amazing spritiual connection I have with it. Its a simple contentedness that makes me feel complete. At this point in my life I could have a more profound spirutual moment of awakening under a maginificant starry sky or an emeral forest than I could in the walls of any church. It also doesnt befront me which diety you choose to call divine. I see them as all pathways to the same end that everyone wants to achieve. I know any devout Christians reading this may want to jump up and tell me how mislead I may be in feeling that. I have this feeling that spirituality is so much larger than one little peg hole of Christianity. Jesus is/was a magnificant teacher and leader in his preachings. The stories of the bible can teach much about life. But I also think that those stories parallel so many other religions and their teachings and dieties. The foundation of Christianity is paganism..no way in getting around that. Much is borrowed from the old ways. And I respect and hold an affinity for those ways as well. I often wonder why it is that they touch me and speak to me the way they do.
Now you realize this clashes with the years of catholic upbringing, and that nagging voice of catholic guilt still tries to rear its nasty little head when I realize how much respect I have for many aspects of nature and mother earth spirituality. I still thnk maybe i was druid or wiccan in a past life. I do believe we return to continue on in future lives and carry aspects of those things with us...or the other consideration is that it is part of our ancestry and its in our blood from generations past who worshipped long before Christianity took hold. Hmmm this entry could go on and on...
I had someone tell me about Neo-paganism so I did a web search on it today. It led me to a website called www.beliefnet.com I did a little reading on it, thought Yah.. I see some things there that I can agree with, but I still donÃ?t know if its where I fit. Then I found some quizzes, and thought, ok lets see what insights they can offer me. I took one on What is your Spiritual Type? it declared that I was, based on my answers, An Old fashioned Seeker-- Happy with my religion but seeking the right expression of it.Ã? Hmmm ok. I donÃ?t know if I would say I am happy with my religion, because if we are talking organized religion, Im far from it. If they mean my religious beliefs, I believe what I believe. ..LOL As far as seeking the right expression of it..yes. Of course one can only put so much stock in these insiteful quizzes. Id rather write my own answer than pick one of theirs that kinda fits what I am really thinking. So a grain of salt goes there. Some questions I didnÃ?t like any of the answers too.
Im sure questions like do you see the bible as myths and legend of a story teller, divine truth, a book of some truths and some legends, or nothing important (or something like that) pegged me in the old fashioned department. I think there are some truths in the bible and its stories and lessons hold weight, but I also believe it is a document that has been so politcalized over the years that "men" have written their own interpretations and laws, edicts and versions of what they want the people to know or believe into it, that one has to take that into consideration when interpreting it. There in lies a big crux for me.
Yes I read DaVinci Code and Angels and Demons. I loved the way it made the reader think. In no way am I saying Da Vinci Code is all truth blah blah blah, but I donÃ?t think its all lies either. Not that it matters to me. I think there are misleading interpreations in the bible. I think politics back to Constantine play a part of what the bible presentation outcome would be. Those are things that make me go hmmm. I think its entirely possible that Jesus had a relationship with Mary Magdelene. Not that its here nor there, but Im certainly one to say, if he did, it wouldnÃ?t change an iota of respect or feeling that I have for him or his teachings. Its entirely possible that many things are covered up in the bible. That is the point. We will never know which ones. So that leaves me to looking at the foundations of spirituality before man needed to go and mess with it to make it something that proved a point he wanted to make about something. (By the way, I think there is MUCH to be said about the divine femine, and the ways Christianity has succeeded in corrupting the age old images of it. But that is another blog)
I am a tolerant person. Religious freedom is a god given right of free will. A good friend once said to me that she saw all the religions of the world as spokes on a wheel..they all led to the center, they just took a different path of getting there. That makes a lot of sense to me. Now this doesnÃ?t mean that I condone suicide bombings and zealots who decide more people need to be murdered in the name of God. ThatÃ?s been going on for thousands of years as it is. And the Christians certainly have played their share in it as well. That's something else that makes me sick.
So I took another test What is your faith? It came out 100% Neo pagan. Oh the irony, that is what I went to the site to look up, and 98% Unitarian Universalism. (huh? whats that!) It then listed many other faiths in order of decending percent that might mesh with my beliefs as stated in their questions. (again not happy with the questions offered or some of the possible replies). But funny, Catholicism was listed at the VERY bottom of the list, only thing beneath it was Jehovah's Witness at dead last. I did take some time to look up Unitarian Universalism. Which in some ways incorporates Christianity in their teachings, but they are not a Christian organization per se. Interesting but Im still at a crux aren't I?
So what's my point? God, do I have one? I want to find a form of expression where I fit. Where I can have elements of Christianity and also the acceptance of divinity in nature and the powers I feel it holds. I want tolerance, I to be able to question, I donÃ?t want to be told. I want to be in awe. I want to believe science and see that it can work with spirituality somehow. I know there are more than angels among us. There are many kinds of angels and demons, I believe in the fae, I believe in spirits, I believe in metaphysical powers of body and spirit, and I donÃ?t believe they are heresy.
I want to teach my kids about a higher power, but I don't want it to be what I learned in a catholic church. But I don't know that I will feel any different if it were coming from a Methodist or Lutheran church. That feeling doesnÃ?t sit well with me. I read up a bit on Unitarianism, and some of it is very interesting. But then there is the part of me that says..ok is this left field freakyness? LoL Yes that's the Catholic guilt speaking again. Hush!..and be tolerant for two seconds, would you?
I know I am raising my kids to be good people--To be compassionate and respectful, To be loving and kind, charitable, to do unto others as they would have them do unto them. I preach the golden rule. Mom was right about that one. I do believe that Jesus was risen on the third day, but there are so many other things I question. Things just donÃ?t mesh. Billions of people are on this planet. One form of religion cant be it, and everyone else is wrong. There are things of worth in each of their teachings. I believe they all stem from the same source of divinity. There in lies the crux and I'm still standing here wondering what to do.
PS
I found this post on a board at beleifnet.com. Its called questioning catholicism. I hear some voices that sound like my own. http://www.beliefnet.com/boards/message_list.asp?boardID=762&discussionID=505112