MIA....where is the dj gypsy woman?
I know everyone is wondering if i have falled off the face of the earth. Maybe my av is in vp..but i am nowhere to be found..or maybe i m just not around at all. I still find my way into vp for a while most nights. But life has def taken a turn here, and reorganized itself for the better.
Homelife is happier than it has been in years. One day back in March I was particularly sad about someone I cared about leaving without a word. I broke down and went back to Brad again needing so desperately for him to see how much ive needed him, wanted him, wanted to be taken care of, loved, cherished. For so long i was so emotionally void that i didnt even realize it. I was looking for fulfillment everywhere. Now i look back and see that it all explains why i would have a wild side break out that was always beyond my control. I was desperate to feel something..to be wanted. So anyway..on this day i had been talking to arte..told her how i was feeling..and i decided to just go up to him..crawl into his lap and try to tell him how i felt without him looking at me like i was the neediest woman on the planet. I dont know what changed in him..if i finally said how i felt in a non threatening way..i dont know..but i finally got the response i have always wanted. And i sat there for like a half hour and we both said how good it was. I told him this was all i ever really needed..with just that he could change any mood i had and make me feel at peace. So thank god for whatever finally happened. Because i feel like things are where they should be again. I am afraid i will mess it up again. So i have be very conscious of my emotional connections, and situations. I still worry that i cant trust myself sometimes, but i def dont feel like i used to. So there is that.
A good lot of my ties in vp were severed several weeks back too..which has been a good thing for letting me feel like i dont have to live attached to this pc. Radio had become constant work. I am glad to not be living it constantly. I have a small handful of people i care about in vp. Most of them are the ones who might actually read this entry. If they or one or two others arent there...there seems to be no reason to be there. I dont feel the pull to escape here. So Im sorry i have left any of you guys hanging. I have some semblence of order in my life again. I start a long term teaching position for the last three weeks of school. And it has been occupying almost all of my time...but in a very good way. Im having to do a lot of research , planning and preparing for my units..but i am loving it and cant wait to get into some of the things i have planned. I love being back at school, and i feel at home in the classroom i am in. The teachers already know me..and thank god they respect me and are happy to see i am there. Makes me feel really wonderful and gives me a sense of purpose again. And lucky me..the kids like me a lot too.
I was on the phone with Scranton university this morning. Finally found an online Masters program that looks worthy. I ve been so frustrated with eastern Mich U where i did my undergrad..they have been dicking me around..cant get classes i want, wanting me to take the GRE standardized test which is a waste of time and money..and lots of other crap, not offering classes i need during summer...blah blah. I need to have 10 credits to get my teaching certificte renewed so i can apply for a full time position. I have a very good chance of getting into my school distrct here in town if a job opens but i need my credits. So looks like i will start my Masters program July 5th and just get a MS in Teaching..a generalized masters instead of spec ed like i was considering.. but its all good. I just want to get back to teaching again. Looks like with this program i will have 12 credits by March and be able to apply for jobs for the following year. Please god let this work out.
So that is my life right now. I have more patience, more peace, more fulfillment, more love, more contentment and more satisfaction than i have in a long long time with brad, with the kids, with my job. Quitting my sales job was teh best thing i ever did..the second best was going back to substitute teach. I feel like i have a purpose and am worthy again.
Life is messed up sometimes...for all of us. Finally at some point things have to turn and go our way...now to just keep it there.
To any of you who take the time to read this.. I Love you guys and i enjoy the times we do get to hang out in vp still. Always feels great when we all manage to get together. Thanks for being very loyal and dediated friends...i appreciate you guys veryvery much. Im sorry i have been MIA in not keeping up with everyone. hope to talk to you soon.
Just jess
Homelife is happier than it has been in years. One day back in March I was particularly sad about someone I cared about leaving without a word. I broke down and went back to Brad again needing so desperately for him to see how much ive needed him, wanted him, wanted to be taken care of, loved, cherished. For so long i was so emotionally void that i didnt even realize it. I was looking for fulfillment everywhere. Now i look back and see that it all explains why i would have a wild side break out that was always beyond my control. I was desperate to feel something..to be wanted. So anyway..on this day i had been talking to arte..told her how i was feeling..and i decided to just go up to him..crawl into his lap and try to tell him how i felt without him looking at me like i was the neediest woman on the planet. I dont know what changed in him..if i finally said how i felt in a non threatening way..i dont know..but i finally got the response i have always wanted. And i sat there for like a half hour and we both said how good it was. I told him this was all i ever really needed..with just that he could change any mood i had and make me feel at peace. So thank god for whatever finally happened. Because i feel like things are where they should be again. I am afraid i will mess it up again. So i have be very conscious of my emotional connections, and situations. I still worry that i cant trust myself sometimes, but i def dont feel like i used to. So there is that.
A good lot of my ties in vp were severed several weeks back too..which has been a good thing for letting me feel like i dont have to live attached to this pc. Radio had become constant work. I am glad to not be living it constantly. I have a small handful of people i care about in vp. Most of them are the ones who might actually read this entry. If they or one or two others arent there...there seems to be no reason to be there. I dont feel the pull to escape here. So Im sorry i have left any of you guys hanging. I have some semblence of order in my life again. I start a long term teaching position for the last three weeks of school. And it has been occupying almost all of my time...but in a very good way. Im having to do a lot of research , planning and preparing for my units..but i am loving it and cant wait to get into some of the things i have planned. I love being back at school, and i feel at home in the classroom i am in. The teachers already know me..and thank god they respect me and are happy to see i am there. Makes me feel really wonderful and gives me a sense of purpose again. And lucky me..the kids like me a lot too.
I was on the phone with Scranton university this morning. Finally found an online Masters program that looks worthy. I ve been so frustrated with eastern Mich U where i did my undergrad..they have been dicking me around..cant get classes i want, wanting me to take the GRE standardized test which is a waste of time and money..and lots of other crap, not offering classes i need during summer...blah blah. I need to have 10 credits to get my teaching certificte renewed so i can apply for a full time position. I have a very good chance of getting into my school distrct here in town if a job opens but i need my credits. So looks like i will start my Masters program July 5th and just get a MS in Teaching..a generalized masters instead of spec ed like i was considering.. but its all good. I just want to get back to teaching again. Looks like with this program i will have 12 credits by March and be able to apply for jobs for the following year. Please god let this work out.
So that is my life right now. I have more patience, more peace, more fulfillment, more love, more contentment and more satisfaction than i have in a long long time with brad, with the kids, with my job. Quitting my sales job was teh best thing i ever did..the second best was going back to substitute teach. I feel like i have a purpose and am worthy again.
Life is messed up sometimes...for all of us. Finally at some point things have to turn and go our way...now to just keep it there.
To any of you who take the time to read this.. I Love you guys and i enjoy the times we do get to hang out in vp still. Always feels great when we all manage to get together. Thanks for being very loyal and dediated friends...i appreciate you guys veryvery much. Im sorry i have been MIA in not keeping up with everyone. hope to talk to you soon.
Just jess