Heh
So many thoughts. On the positive. I managed to qualify for pony Club Championships in July. I have no clue how. My rides were horrible, but whatever. On the down side, the trainer that hepled me get ready for that and helped me improve 10 fold in the past month or 2 is leaving. A few influentail people didn't like her andthey aren't renewing her contract. This on top of sooo much if sending me on a down-ward spiral. I can't control my thoughts and am falling for someone I really shouldn't be. That is disturbing. And I am unable to stop my bi-polar swings. In previous years I have been able to curb the swings and avoid break downs. It isnt working now. That and I have become dependent on people. I noticed before that I was much happier and did better when in a relationship, but always hated that I needed that aproval if you will call it that. Right now though, I find my self craving that feeling. I don't know want to do, I want so badly to give in, but know I'll regret it later. *cry* I hate doing this. But I need help. I might give and talk to someone about it. But once again, I really don't want to.