What'cha Got to Say 'Bout That, Freud?
I'm realizing that the reason I was reluctant to move in with Adam, and instead will go with Joey and babies, is because of mom. All through my teenage years, it was her telling me 3 times a day how she wanted to kill herself, how her life was hell, and nothing in the house, including the people, made her happy. And I fully knew that one day I could walk into her bathroom to find her bleeding in the bathtub. Am I being too morbid? Well, that's how it was. "I'm going back to Mexico," she always said. "I so regret marrying your father and having kids."
When I finally couldn't put up with it anymore, even though I knew I was the only one she could talk to, her reply was, "Oh. Me saying all that made you depressed? REALLY?"
Really!
It got to the point that I wished she did leave to Mexico. Fine. Go. Life is going to be the same for you there because YOU make it that way.
But the separation from Jonathan has improved her. (She's not suicidal, at least.) Yet living in the same 10x10 room with her for a year takes its toll. I feel myself being too quick to irritate with her. I feel bad about it. But she's just always THERE. Always, just being... you know... her? Argh. I know it's cruel. But damn. Please let us move soon!
When I finally couldn't put up with it anymore, even though I knew I was the only one she could talk to, her reply was, "Oh. Me saying all that made you depressed? REALLY?"
Really!
It got to the point that I wished she did leave to Mexico. Fine. Go. Life is going to be the same for you there because YOU make it that way.
But the separation from Jonathan has improved her. (She's not suicidal, at least.) Yet living in the same 10x10 room with her for a year takes its toll. I feel myself being too quick to irritate with her. I feel bad about it. But she's just always THERE. Always, just being... you know... her? Argh. I know it's cruel. But damn. Please let us move soon!