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in
gyonggo_ss
For rawrstarrr
Title: Dream as if you'll live forever (live as if you'll die today)
Pairing: Hyunjoong/Youngsaeng
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: -
Notes: Inspired by One OK Rock's "Chaosmyth". Set post-SS501. ~1500 words; I'm sorry it isn't longer!
Summary: Staying in touch is surprisingly difficult when you're not in the same group anymore. Then, suddenly, it's surprisingly easy.
I.
Youngsaeng isn't particularly surprised when he goes from seeing Hyunjoong on an everyday basis to not seeing him at all for weeks on end.
It's easy enough to find reasons why; they're not in the same group anymore, they're not with the same company anymore, they don't have the same circle of friends, they're both so busy with their new projects and their new lives, they just haven't gotten around to it yet. The excuses are many and perfectly valid and yet Youngsaeng knows that there's really only one reason why they're not spending any time together anymore - they don't need to and it's much easier not to.
It takes Youngsaeng months to realize the one thing that Kyujong probably realizes in the second month with their new company, when Youngsaeng is annoyed and irritable and spends a stupid amount of time fuming over every little thing that goes wrong; he misses Hyunjoong.
"Fuck," Youngsaeng mutters to himself when it finally dawns on him, and he dials Hyunjoong's phone number only to hang up seconds later because really, what would he say?
It's still easier to just leave it.
"You're an idiot," Kyujong informs him on Youngsaeng's third consecutive day of whining.
Youngsaeng is inclined to agree.
II.
Youngsaeng finally catches up with Hyunjoong months later, backstage at Music Bank.
Or, well, maybe catch up isn't the right thing. Youngsaeng offers Hyunjoong a stiff smile and gets one in return and they greet each other as if they're total strangers - to the amusement of everyone else around them.
Some things never do change.
"How have you been?" Hyunjoong asks, and Youngsaeng takes it as an invitation to actually talk, telling Hyunjoong about all the things he's been wanting to tell him for months - even if Kyujong has probably told him about at least half of them already. Somehow, Youngsaeng talking makes Hyunjoong talk as well and they settle on a couch in a corner, chatting for the entire evening, only interrupted by stylists and the show's crew and their own performances because oh yeah, they're actually here for a reason.
Hyunjoong drags Youngsaeng with him to the front of the stage at the end of the show and they stumble backstage together afterwards, arms linked and laughing as if they were stupid teenagers.
Hell, in many ways they still are stupid teenagers. Youngsaeng has a feeling that it's not going to change any time soon.
"I missed you," Hyunjoong says, then grimaces as if he regrets saying it.
"I missed you too," Youngsaeng admits. He's not about to make things awkward and stilted again. Well. More awkward and stilted than they already are.
He's not quite sure what kind of reaction he expected, but he definitely doesn't see it coming when Hyunjoong stares at him long and hard before grabbing him, pulling him close and kissing him. It's hard and direct and almost desperate and there's certainly nothing subtle about it and Youngsaeng's head is spinning before long because he's pretty damn sure that he's never been kissed like that in his entire life.
"What," Youngsaeng says, so surprised that he can't even get the rest of the question out. Or maybe he just doesn't know what he would ask.
"I just don't want to waste any more time," Hyunjoong says.
It's hard to argue with that kind of logic and Youngsaeng closes his eyes and steps forwards, half crashing into Hyunjoong as they kiss again and again until they're both breathless and shaky and Youngsaeng can't help but wonder what the hell just happened.
III.
It's much easier to be together if they're both drunk.
That's the way it has always worked and that's the way it still works; they buy cheap beer and soju and some vodka and play stupid drinking games, just the two of them, sitting on the floor of Youngsaeng's living room. He has no idea why it works, but it does. It worked when they were still teenagers and were awkward because they didn't know each other, and it works now that they're in their twenties and awkward because they know each other too well.
"I've always been envious of you," Hyunjoong says. He's gotten to the point where he sounds a little too honest and a little too sincere and it makes Youngsaeng squirm.
"Why?"
Hyunjoong waves his hand and nearly smacks Youngsaeng in the face in the process. "You have the best voice. You're the, the... You're the best."
"You're the one winning the awards," Youngsaeng says dryly, but he appreciates the compliment nonetheless and he drags Hyunjoong closer, knocking over empty glasses and bottles and making a mess and not caring in the least bit because he'd much rather have Hyunjoong close to him than have a neat apartment.
"You're my precious treasure," Hyunjoong sing-songs and half falls across Youngsaeng's lap.
"Gross," Youngsaeng says, but he leans down and kisses Hyunjoong nonetheless.
IV.
This isn't what Youngsaeng had imagined, nor what he had planned on.
He's not sure how to deal with waking up in the morning to find Hyunjoong snoring heavily next to him. He doesn't know how to react when Hyunjoong barges into his bathroom and invades his shower - while Youngsaeng's still in it. He doesn't know how to deal with his fridge being taken over by all the weird and random things that Hyunjoong likes to buy (and never actually eat) or how to function with Hyunjoong messing up his kitchen and rarely, if ever, cleaning up after himself. He's not used to Hyunjoong emailing him and calling him more often than not and he doesn't know what to say when Hyunjoong cheerfully asks him how his day went and in the same breath asks him what he's wearing and if he can take it off right now please. He can't make sense of the knowledge that they have this indefinable something going on and that it feels nice most of the time, because none of this should be desirable to him. He can't figure out if he hates Hyunjoong or loves him or both at the same time and he's scared of discovering that maybe he does love Hyunjoong because that would turn his entire life upside down and he's pretty sure he's not ready for that yet, if he ever will be. He has a million questions and dilemmas, but no answers or solutions for anything.
And he certainly doesn't have an answer when Kyujong asks him - with barely concealed mirth in his voice - what the hell the two of them are doing.
"It just happened," he says helplessly, and suppresses the urge to hit him when Kyujong just laughs.
Useless bastard.
"Just take it slow and see what happens," Kyujong advises. "I'm surprised this hasn't happened before, honestly; you two have been headed towards this ever since you met."
Youngsaeng isn't quite sure how, but he thinks Kyujong has a point.
V.
Youngsaeng comes home after a recording session to find Hyunjoong in his apartment, curled up in front of the computer with piles of paper and empty plates and glasses around him. It makes him look like a crazy hermit, especially with the ruffled hair and the worn clothes, but Youngsaeng hardly even reacts to the sight.
He thinks that's a definite sign that he's been around Hyunjoong far too much lately.
I hope that even ten, twenty, thirty years in the future, we will still be together and work together. Youngsaeng frowns because he's pretty sure he can hear his own voice coming from the computer's speakers, and he walks over and leans down behind Hyunjoong to take a look at the screen. It's tempting to cringe at the hair and clothes on all five of them in the clip Hyunjoong is watching, but he just chuckles instead and curls an arm around Hyunjoong from behind, leaning down a bit further.
"You looked crazy," Hyunjoong comments.
"Pot, meet kettle," Youngsaeng shoots back and turns his head, biting Hyunjoong's cheek lightly and ignoring Hyunjoong's little shriek of protest.
They watch the rest of the interview in silence, listening to the past versions of themselves talking about their hopes and dreams and goals. Youngsaeng smiles and tightens his hold on Hyunjoong; he finds himself wishing that Kyujong, Jungmin and Hyungjoon were here because that's how they were supposed to be, after all.
"What happened to those guys," Hyunjoong says, and he's smiling too, but it's easy to tell that watching these clips doesn't inspire solely happy memories. "Do you think we'll ever get back to that? All five of us?"
"Five forever as one," Youngsaeng mutters quietly against Hyunjoong's ear and somehow, he can still manage to believe that it's still true.
Pairing: Hyunjoong/Youngsaeng
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: -
Notes: Inspired by One OK Rock's "Chaosmyth". Set post-SS501. ~1500 words; I'm sorry it isn't longer!
Summary: Staying in touch is surprisingly difficult when you're not in the same group anymore. Then, suddenly, it's surprisingly easy.
I.
Youngsaeng isn't particularly surprised when he goes from seeing Hyunjoong on an everyday basis to not seeing him at all for weeks on end.
It's easy enough to find reasons why; they're not in the same group anymore, they're not with the same company anymore, they don't have the same circle of friends, they're both so busy with their new projects and their new lives, they just haven't gotten around to it yet. The excuses are many and perfectly valid and yet Youngsaeng knows that there's really only one reason why they're not spending any time together anymore - they don't need to and it's much easier not to.
It takes Youngsaeng months to realize the one thing that Kyujong probably realizes in the second month with their new company, when Youngsaeng is annoyed and irritable and spends a stupid amount of time fuming over every little thing that goes wrong; he misses Hyunjoong.
"Fuck," Youngsaeng mutters to himself when it finally dawns on him, and he dials Hyunjoong's phone number only to hang up seconds later because really, what would he say?
It's still easier to just leave it.
"You're an idiot," Kyujong informs him on Youngsaeng's third consecutive day of whining.
Youngsaeng is inclined to agree.
II.
Youngsaeng finally catches up with Hyunjoong months later, backstage at Music Bank.
Or, well, maybe catch up isn't the right thing. Youngsaeng offers Hyunjoong a stiff smile and gets one in return and they greet each other as if they're total strangers - to the amusement of everyone else around them.
Some things never do change.
"How have you been?" Hyunjoong asks, and Youngsaeng takes it as an invitation to actually talk, telling Hyunjoong about all the things he's been wanting to tell him for months - even if Kyujong has probably told him about at least half of them already. Somehow, Youngsaeng talking makes Hyunjoong talk as well and they settle on a couch in a corner, chatting for the entire evening, only interrupted by stylists and the show's crew and their own performances because oh yeah, they're actually here for a reason.
Hyunjoong drags Youngsaeng with him to the front of the stage at the end of the show and they stumble backstage together afterwards, arms linked and laughing as if they were stupid teenagers.
Hell, in many ways they still are stupid teenagers. Youngsaeng has a feeling that it's not going to change any time soon.
"I missed you," Hyunjoong says, then grimaces as if he regrets saying it.
"I missed you too," Youngsaeng admits. He's not about to make things awkward and stilted again. Well. More awkward and stilted than they already are.
He's not quite sure what kind of reaction he expected, but he definitely doesn't see it coming when Hyunjoong stares at him long and hard before grabbing him, pulling him close and kissing him. It's hard and direct and almost desperate and there's certainly nothing subtle about it and Youngsaeng's head is spinning before long because he's pretty damn sure that he's never been kissed like that in his entire life.
"What," Youngsaeng says, so surprised that he can't even get the rest of the question out. Or maybe he just doesn't know what he would ask.
"I just don't want to waste any more time," Hyunjoong says.
It's hard to argue with that kind of logic and Youngsaeng closes his eyes and steps forwards, half crashing into Hyunjoong as they kiss again and again until they're both breathless and shaky and Youngsaeng can't help but wonder what the hell just happened.
III.
It's much easier to be together if they're both drunk.
That's the way it has always worked and that's the way it still works; they buy cheap beer and soju and some vodka and play stupid drinking games, just the two of them, sitting on the floor of Youngsaeng's living room. He has no idea why it works, but it does. It worked when they were still teenagers and were awkward because they didn't know each other, and it works now that they're in their twenties and awkward because they know each other too well.
"I've always been envious of you," Hyunjoong says. He's gotten to the point where he sounds a little too honest and a little too sincere and it makes Youngsaeng squirm.
"Why?"
Hyunjoong waves his hand and nearly smacks Youngsaeng in the face in the process. "You have the best voice. You're the, the... You're the best."
"You're the one winning the awards," Youngsaeng says dryly, but he appreciates the compliment nonetheless and he drags Hyunjoong closer, knocking over empty glasses and bottles and making a mess and not caring in the least bit because he'd much rather have Hyunjoong close to him than have a neat apartment.
"You're my precious treasure," Hyunjoong sing-songs and half falls across Youngsaeng's lap.
"Gross," Youngsaeng says, but he leans down and kisses Hyunjoong nonetheless.
IV.
This isn't what Youngsaeng had imagined, nor what he had planned on.
He's not sure how to deal with waking up in the morning to find Hyunjoong snoring heavily next to him. He doesn't know how to react when Hyunjoong barges into his bathroom and invades his shower - while Youngsaeng's still in it. He doesn't know how to deal with his fridge being taken over by all the weird and random things that Hyunjoong likes to buy (and never actually eat) or how to function with Hyunjoong messing up his kitchen and rarely, if ever, cleaning up after himself. He's not used to Hyunjoong emailing him and calling him more often than not and he doesn't know what to say when Hyunjoong cheerfully asks him how his day went and in the same breath asks him what he's wearing and if he can take it off right now please. He can't make sense of the knowledge that they have this indefinable something going on and that it feels nice most of the time, because none of this should be desirable to him. He can't figure out if he hates Hyunjoong or loves him or both at the same time and he's scared of discovering that maybe he does love Hyunjoong because that would turn his entire life upside down and he's pretty sure he's not ready for that yet, if he ever will be. He has a million questions and dilemmas, but no answers or solutions for anything.
And he certainly doesn't have an answer when Kyujong asks him - with barely concealed mirth in his voice - what the hell the two of them are doing.
"It just happened," he says helplessly, and suppresses the urge to hit him when Kyujong just laughs.
Useless bastard.
"Just take it slow and see what happens," Kyujong advises. "I'm surprised this hasn't happened before, honestly; you two have been headed towards this ever since you met."
Youngsaeng isn't quite sure how, but he thinks Kyujong has a point.
V.
Youngsaeng comes home after a recording session to find Hyunjoong in his apartment, curled up in front of the computer with piles of paper and empty plates and glasses around him. It makes him look like a crazy hermit, especially with the ruffled hair and the worn clothes, but Youngsaeng hardly even reacts to the sight.
He thinks that's a definite sign that he's been around Hyunjoong far too much lately.
I hope that even ten, twenty, thirty years in the future, we will still be together and work together. Youngsaeng frowns because he's pretty sure he can hear his own voice coming from the computer's speakers, and he walks over and leans down behind Hyunjoong to take a look at the screen. It's tempting to cringe at the hair and clothes on all five of them in the clip Hyunjoong is watching, but he just chuckles instead and curls an arm around Hyunjoong from behind, leaning down a bit further.
"You looked crazy," Hyunjoong comments.
"Pot, meet kettle," Youngsaeng shoots back and turns his head, biting Hyunjoong's cheek lightly and ignoring Hyunjoong's little shriek of protest.
They watch the rest of the interview in silence, listening to the past versions of themselves talking about their hopes and dreams and goals. Youngsaeng smiles and tightens his hold on Hyunjoong; he finds himself wishing that Kyujong, Jungmin and Hyungjoon were here because that's how they were supposed to be, after all.
"What happened to those guys," Hyunjoong says, and he's smiling too, but it's easy to tell that watching these clips doesn't inspire solely happy memories. "Do you think we'll ever get back to that? All five of us?"
"Five forever as one," Youngsaeng mutters quietly against Hyunjoong's ear and somehow, he can still manage to believe that it's still true.