Peace Corps and Questions on Life
So I think everyone knows by now I am going to Orlando for 5 months for an internship with Disney. But does everyone know I am seriously considering joining the Peace Corps? Nope, didn't think so. Well, I am. I looked into and I could really make a difference, but it's a 27 month program. That's 2 years and 3 months more away from Robbie. I decided today that I couldn't go on living for Robbie and with help from Gerri on FM, I decided to use Orlando as a test run, if it all works out then I will address the Peace Corps. I hate being away from him and honestly, it tears me up inside to think of it. But this is my dream, my life and I want to make a difference, I want to help people. And I can, I really can help people this way. I can teach a child English and maybe one day they will go to college and be somebody. I can feed the hungry, save the animals. There is so much one can do in the Peace Corps to give back to the world, to help the world.
See, all this thinking kept me up all night again. Thinking is becoming my grandest foe haha. So alas, I will take a shower and head to class on no sleep, zero sleep. But I have a lot to think about and a lot that I can reflect on. The road less traveled is a hard one with trees and snags in the way and sometimes it's so easy to turn around, say "Fuck this." and head back to the common road. But that common road is not for me and if, god-willing, Robbie waits for me then when I am done trumping through the wild path of my hopes and dreams, my path will run back into his, the common road. And we can have children and be merry and I will have found enough of myself, my personal being, to be content forever. Robbie and I are not one body, even when married, I will remain Amber Grace and he will remain Robbie Persinger. Life is as it is and I am not going to make him wait for me. If it is too much and he can't, then I'm sorry. I know it will hurt like hell and I may regret it when I am alone and old (if that happens) but when I look back thirty or fifty or seventy years from now, I wanna say I took the chance on the road less traveled. I wanna say I lived my life with no regrets and when they lay me in the ground I want them to say that I never stopped running and I never stopped being all that I can be. Call me crazy, but I am young and naiive and I want to save the world. I know I can't but I can damn well try.
And to me, this makes perfect sense but on no sleep, it might not make any sense to anyone else :)
See, all this thinking kept me up all night again. Thinking is becoming my grandest foe haha. So alas, I will take a shower and head to class on no sleep, zero sleep. But I have a lot to think about and a lot that I can reflect on. The road less traveled is a hard one with trees and snags in the way and sometimes it's so easy to turn around, say "Fuck this." and head back to the common road. But that common road is not for me and if, god-willing, Robbie waits for me then when I am done trumping through the wild path of my hopes and dreams, my path will run back into his, the common road. And we can have children and be merry and I will have found enough of myself, my personal being, to be content forever. Robbie and I are not one body, even when married, I will remain Amber Grace and he will remain Robbie Persinger. Life is as it is and I am not going to make him wait for me. If it is too much and he can't, then I'm sorry. I know it will hurt like hell and I may regret it when I am alone and old (if that happens) but when I look back thirty or fifty or seventy years from now, I wanna say I took the chance on the road less traveled. I wanna say I lived my life with no regrets and when they lay me in the ground I want them to say that I never stopped running and I never stopped being all that I can be. Call me crazy, but I am young and naiive and I want to save the world. I know I can't but I can damn well try.
And to me, this makes perfect sense but on no sleep, it might not make any sense to anyone else :)