short love with a long divorce, and a couple of kids of course, they dont mean anything
it sucks to be awake and quite active while everyone you know is sleeping
i should really figure out how to shake this nocturnal schedule
maybe less coffee or no coffee at all
maybe i should get a job where im not schedule for the nite shift
maybe i should start going to work and get tired out and actually make money
im back where i was like two fuckin years ago
too fuckin apathetic
school?
meh
doing something besides sleeping?
meh
its the same now
just replace school with work
and sleeping with smoking entirely too many cigarettes
i suppose its just a low period of my life
not everything in ones life must be fuckin epic
i have alot of great memories
and i refuse to believe that i will never have any new ones
like any problem, the first step is being aware of it
so im quite aware that i have a problem
my life is a bore...i know that
whats next
i suppose it would be a series of changes that would make me want to get out of the bed in the morning
eh fuck that....i wanna get out of the bed, in the afternoon, but i dont mind getting up eventually
i still have a blast with my life
listening to great music
having laughs and great conversations with friends
minor bursts of creative energy that i eventually put down on paper
but those things are not the greater percent of my day
that are overshadowed by boredom and doing things i dislike
a new job is so completely something to look into
even if my new job sucks, it probably wont suck as much as my current one
and change is always fun right?
i think maybe i should get up early tomorrow and go looking for a job
i probably wont though
maybe ill just check out random applications online instead
so there you go
psuedo career editing...a better job equals a happier james
my life has never been about obtaining money or doing well at work or school
no, no, no
this is my life and i must enjoy every second i can
my life is just like that horrible sandwich i threw and kicked around
eating it wouldnt do shit for it
i got considerably more enjoyment from it by throwing it about
as much as someone who liked to eat horrible sandwiches would get from eating it
my life isnt about making smart decisions and making something of myself
its about me being reckless and enjoying just being alive
im happy with the fact that i can fuck up so badly and then fix things
ya know
instead of avoiding situations where i would fuck up in
im stupid, curious and naive
and thats why i have most of all of my problems
blargh
to get back on subject though
those random nothings that make me happy arent around as much
i feel stuck
there arent any new problems to try to solve
and this is like a creative drought for me right now
my art skills have fuckin dissolved found
im no longer a psuedo artist
and im not even a cartoonist...the thing i have been good at before my age was a double digit
and my guitar playing has become redundant and even i am bored of it
how the fuck am i going to sell cds of it when i dont even believe it any more
the only thing i can half smile about is that my songwriting has gotten alot better
but ya know...i can always read something my darling nicole scribbled on a napkin and discarded
and then ill feel like im writing total trite...
but ya know
shes a writer i guess
thats her thing
im just a novice at this, trying to learn how to do it even
hmm
i think my problem is less about my life and how i feel stuck
how im not enjoying myself and im bored
im pretty sure its more about how i feel about myself
and i feel that i am uncreative, lazy and god damn insane
i shall fix this
i think ill take piano classes or something
learn a fuckin instrument correctly
and even though its heartbreaking to attempt to draw and such at it when i use to be so good
ill practice more...to return to monarchy of art
and ill try to learn how to write better using miss nicole
ill show her things i have written and she can tell me what i can do with them and such
besides...i really like it when shes alot better at something than me
or knows alot more about something than me
an insanely smart girl who likes to talk to you for some reason makes you feel good about yrself
i must me smart, creative or atleast entertaining if i can hold her attention for so long
maybe...
oh yea
and fuck
of course, i suppose im pretending to be an adult now
i should try to get my life together like other adults
like having a good job, and going to college and having a place to live that isnt an attic in yr parents house
im still young though...its not that dire
but i want it
im not living the rest of my life in obscurity and unimportance
look the fuck out everyone
i am the once and future king
by the way
you know what i get a kick out of
everyone comments on my random psuedo stanza entries
about oranges in attics and people wishing they were married to rockstars
random quotes, song lyrics and extremely vague sentence fragments
but a extremely important entry all about whats going on in my life will probably get no comments
no one will tell me how im a peach or perfect drug
or even how my friends leave stupid comments
maybe i should another cute picture of myself and make a new icon
that always gets everyones attention
and thats just what i want
look at me
love me
i should really figure out how to shake this nocturnal schedule
maybe less coffee or no coffee at all
maybe i should get a job where im not schedule for the nite shift
maybe i should start going to work and get tired out and actually make money
im back where i was like two fuckin years ago
too fuckin apathetic
school?
meh
doing something besides sleeping?
meh
its the same now
just replace school with work
and sleeping with smoking entirely too many cigarettes
i suppose its just a low period of my life
not everything in ones life must be fuckin epic
i have alot of great memories
and i refuse to believe that i will never have any new ones
like any problem, the first step is being aware of it
so im quite aware that i have a problem
my life is a bore...i know that
whats next
i suppose it would be a series of changes that would make me want to get out of the bed in the morning
eh fuck that....i wanna get out of the bed, in the afternoon, but i dont mind getting up eventually
i still have a blast with my life
listening to great music
having laughs and great conversations with friends
minor bursts of creative energy that i eventually put down on paper
but those things are not the greater percent of my day
that are overshadowed by boredom and doing things i dislike
a new job is so completely something to look into
even if my new job sucks, it probably wont suck as much as my current one
and change is always fun right?
i think maybe i should get up early tomorrow and go looking for a job
i probably wont though
maybe ill just check out random applications online instead
so there you go
psuedo career editing...a better job equals a happier james
my life has never been about obtaining money or doing well at work or school
no, no, no
this is my life and i must enjoy every second i can
my life is just like that horrible sandwich i threw and kicked around
eating it wouldnt do shit for it
i got considerably more enjoyment from it by throwing it about
as much as someone who liked to eat horrible sandwiches would get from eating it
my life isnt about making smart decisions and making something of myself
its about me being reckless and enjoying just being alive
im happy with the fact that i can fuck up so badly and then fix things
ya know
instead of avoiding situations where i would fuck up in
im stupid, curious and naive
and thats why i have most of all of my problems
blargh
to get back on subject though
those random nothings that make me happy arent around as much
i feel stuck
there arent any new problems to try to solve
and this is like a creative drought for me right now
my art skills have fuckin dissolved found
im no longer a psuedo artist
and im not even a cartoonist...the thing i have been good at before my age was a double digit
and my guitar playing has become redundant and even i am bored of it
how the fuck am i going to sell cds of it when i dont even believe it any more
the only thing i can half smile about is that my songwriting has gotten alot better
but ya know...i can always read something my darling nicole scribbled on a napkin and discarded
and then ill feel like im writing total trite...
but ya know
shes a writer i guess
thats her thing
im just a novice at this, trying to learn how to do it even
hmm
i think my problem is less about my life and how i feel stuck
how im not enjoying myself and im bored
im pretty sure its more about how i feel about myself
and i feel that i am uncreative, lazy and god damn insane
i shall fix this
i think ill take piano classes or something
learn a fuckin instrument correctly
and even though its heartbreaking to attempt to draw and such at it when i use to be so good
ill practice more...to return to monarchy of art
and ill try to learn how to write better using miss nicole
ill show her things i have written and she can tell me what i can do with them and such
besides...i really like it when shes alot better at something than me
or knows alot more about something than me
an insanely smart girl who likes to talk to you for some reason makes you feel good about yrself
i must me smart, creative or atleast entertaining if i can hold her attention for so long
maybe...
oh yea
and fuck
of course, i suppose im pretending to be an adult now
i should try to get my life together like other adults
like having a good job, and going to college and having a place to live that isnt an attic in yr parents house
im still young though...its not that dire
but i want it
im not living the rest of my life in obscurity and unimportance
look the fuck out everyone
i am the once and future king
by the way
you know what i get a kick out of
everyone comments on my random psuedo stanza entries
about oranges in attics and people wishing they were married to rockstars
random quotes, song lyrics and extremely vague sentence fragments
but a extremely important entry all about whats going on in my life will probably get no comments
no one will tell me how im a peach or perfect drug
or even how my friends leave stupid comments
maybe i should another cute picture of myself and make a new icon
that always gets everyones attention
and thats just what i want
look at me
love me