(no subject)
I think i want to move to Holland or one other of a handful of countries that have legalized the practice of euthanasia. Letting a person decide when his/her life is over is the ultimate sign of a civilized society. If I take an active part in how my life is lived day to day, I think i should be allowed to choose the time and method of my death. Why all these morbid thoughts? My great-grandmother is in the hospital. I was lucky enough to know 3 of my great-grandparents, and she is the last one who is still alive. The woman is 96 years old. I can't fathom the times she lived through and the experiences she's had. What is it they say? Nobody dies from old age, you either die from cancer or a heart attack. Well, considering she had a pacemaker put in a few years back, fate came back around for a one-two combo. She is on some serious pain killers, administered every 3-4 hours, not much of a quality of life there. There are like 20 minutes between the doses when she is not yet in pain and not hallucinating when she is as lucid as always, and happy as hell to see us, whoever is there. But from what she says I can tell she just wants this to be over. And i can't blame her. Anyways, I am just glad I've managed to be around here the last few months, before she got worse. I can tell it's like a holiday to her to see me or my sister there. Her eyes light up, she smiles. Meanwhile i feel like a complete dick, like, I haven't done anything, how can this mean so much to her? She keeps wishing us happiness, and always gets as close to saying goodbye without actually saying it. What can I respond to that? What do I say that isn't going to sound completely trite and false? Get better? She is not a stupid lady, she knows what's coming. It's like a game we all play. Everybody knows, but nobody says it. I am completely torn between wanting her to live for as long as she can, and at the same time thinking that maybe that is a little self-serving, since it looks like she'd be better off if the pain just ended. I am obviously not alone in this thinking. I see my entire family strugling with this issue right now. Euthanasia is definitely a way to go for me, if I ever was in this position. I wouldn't want to suffer, nor would I want my family to watch me go through it. Yep, Holland is definitely the way to go. Until then, I am making up a living will...