feeling sooo much better!
w00t.
so the last 24ish hours have been entirely more awesome than the last several weeks... which were more or less a whole lot of nothing/a crushing sense of emptiness, punctuated by explosions of crap.
it is safe to say that as of yesterday, my funk lifted. :D
IT'S ABOUT TIME!!! hehee
i ended up not meeting up with [literary OKC username] on friday evening due to being epically tired and not feeling so well, but we'll hang out at some other point soon, most likely. i let him know in what i hope was plenty of time so it didn't mess up his plans for the night, and hopefully he found something else fun to do. i did not figure that snowboard mike was actually going to show on friday, but AT LEAST he could have texted or something and told me so. this was at least the 4th time that he has bitched out on coming to see me, and ewe had actually spent a significant amount of time on weds/thurs IMing about what the plans were and all, and he seemed to be really looking forward to seeing me. then nothing. :B i have to say i was really effing annoyed with him and i will *not* plan on seeing him again. someone who is not respectful of my time, who cannot exert the energy to even text me out of courtesy when i drove 2 hrs each way to see him on several occasions... well, he is just not worth my energy. so there went that, and i'm really not too broken up about it. that's kind of idiotic, and not something i am going to waste any more time on.
on to saturday... i really couldn't sleep much friday night, and was having random horrible leg cramps and felt really nauseas. i napped ab it on saturday and then Matt Amber wanted to go out and do something (which had been my suggestion, originally) so i got my arse together and we went down into the city. part of me really kinda wanted to just go home and sleep like the dead, but i am VERY glad that i didn't. :)
we had such a wonderful, relaxing time! the evening was beautiful, warm but with a slight cool breeze, and there were tons of people out downtown. we hung around in Rittenhouse Square for awhile, ate some delicious gelato from Capogiro, and walked so much that my feet were TIRED afterwards. it was great exercise, and i am sure gonna need it tomorrow when i go downtown and apply for jobz everywhere. as soon as i;m done this entry, i'm going to print out a whole stack of resumes to hand out tomorrow.
we met up with some old friends of matt's from back in the day, and they were incredibly nice, friendly, down-to-earth people. the guy works for the fairmount park commission and we had some good talks about nature and the awesome trails in the area that i have yet to explore. i'm looking forward to seeing them again sometime, they seem like very geniune people, and you can never seem to find too many of those sorts of friends. :)
i also met up with jonathan, a really cool, incredibly goofy guy who just graduated from U Arts, and we hit it off pretty well. he made me laugh quite a bit, and i found myself smiling a lot more thani have in awhile. matt & amber wanted to head back, and i didn't even realize it was midnight already, i was feeling so energized and having such a nice time. :D jonathan didn't wanna be too forward by asking, but said i was welcome to hang out and/or crash at his place if i wanted to. i didn't want to put matt out though, especially since he would have to pick me up from the train the next day... my car & other stuff was still at his house. he didn't mind though, there's a station barely 5min from his house so it was no problem.
i had a really, really nice time with jonathan. he had a giant pile of pillows and beanbag chairs in his room, and much cuddling took place. it was a strange for me, because as much as i enjoyed talking with him & cuddling and all, i found that i couldn't really engage things on much of an emotional level. i definitely felt comfortable and pleasant, but it's really weird for me to feel so guarded when i have gone through most of my life being exceptionally open with my emotions. i think that it's gonna take some more time before i learn how to balance how guarded i should be & how open. i was really hating how closed in and shitty i was feeling lately though, and it felt *very* good to connect with an interesting new person, in the hopes that this person would be someone i'd be spending more time with. i like jonathan in a very friendly, flirty kind of way, and we agreed to keep things relaxed between us, and whatever happens, just enjoy it for what it is. neither of us are looking for an actual relationship right now (from my end: AT ALL... i'm just not ready for anything serious and won't be for quite awhile) and agreed to keep things honest, simple, and communicative. now here's hoping that actually happens. :P hehe...
i think we'll have a lot of fun together though. we seem to enjoy doing several of the same things, and he frequents places that matt & i used to go to regularly, years back, and have been talking about checking out again. oh yeah, and he also knows angelique, who i used to work with @ InFusion. that girl is very sweet and *absolutely* crazy. haha
so yeah. here's hoping things continue to go well with that. but even if they don't, i'm not too worried about it. yesterday was just what i needed to turn my energy around and move forward. i'm still really stressed about a lot of things, but feel *much* more capable of handling that stress, and more capable of moving forward with things in a more constructive way.
there are some other things going on too, that i will talk more about later. right now i need to print out these resumes and get going back to my house. nutmeg probably hates me all over again for being away so long.
fresh air, good friends, and laughter really have an *amazing* effect on the spirit.
:D
*
so the last 24ish hours have been entirely more awesome than the last several weeks... which were more or less a whole lot of nothing/a crushing sense of emptiness, punctuated by explosions of crap.
it is safe to say that as of yesterday, my funk lifted. :D
IT'S ABOUT TIME!!! hehee
i ended up not meeting up with [literary OKC username] on friday evening due to being epically tired and not feeling so well, but we'll hang out at some other point soon, most likely. i let him know in what i hope was plenty of time so it didn't mess up his plans for the night, and hopefully he found something else fun to do. i did not figure that snowboard mike was actually going to show on friday, but AT LEAST he could have texted or something and told me so. this was at least the 4th time that he has bitched out on coming to see me, and ewe had actually spent a significant amount of time on weds/thurs IMing about what the plans were and all, and he seemed to be really looking forward to seeing me. then nothing. :B i have to say i was really effing annoyed with him and i will *not* plan on seeing him again. someone who is not respectful of my time, who cannot exert the energy to even text me out of courtesy when i drove 2 hrs each way to see him on several occasions... well, he is just not worth my energy. so there went that, and i'm really not too broken up about it. that's kind of idiotic, and not something i am going to waste any more time on.
on to saturday... i really couldn't sleep much friday night, and was having random horrible leg cramps and felt really nauseas. i napped ab it on saturday and then Matt Amber wanted to go out and do something (which had been my suggestion, originally) so i got my arse together and we went down into the city. part of me really kinda wanted to just go home and sleep like the dead, but i am VERY glad that i didn't. :)
we had such a wonderful, relaxing time! the evening was beautiful, warm but with a slight cool breeze, and there were tons of people out downtown. we hung around in Rittenhouse Square for awhile, ate some delicious gelato from Capogiro, and walked so much that my feet were TIRED afterwards. it was great exercise, and i am sure gonna need it tomorrow when i go downtown and apply for jobz everywhere. as soon as i;m done this entry, i'm going to print out a whole stack of resumes to hand out tomorrow.
we met up with some old friends of matt's from back in the day, and they were incredibly nice, friendly, down-to-earth people. the guy works for the fairmount park commission and we had some good talks about nature and the awesome trails in the area that i have yet to explore. i'm looking forward to seeing them again sometime, they seem like very geniune people, and you can never seem to find too many of those sorts of friends. :)
i also met up with jonathan, a really cool, incredibly goofy guy who just graduated from U Arts, and we hit it off pretty well. he made me laugh quite a bit, and i found myself smiling a lot more thani have in awhile. matt & amber wanted to head back, and i didn't even realize it was midnight already, i was feeling so energized and having such a nice time. :D jonathan didn't wanna be too forward by asking, but said i was welcome to hang out and/or crash at his place if i wanted to. i didn't want to put matt out though, especially since he would have to pick me up from the train the next day... my car & other stuff was still at his house. he didn't mind though, there's a station barely 5min from his house so it was no problem.
i had a really, really nice time with jonathan. he had a giant pile of pillows and beanbag chairs in his room, and much cuddling took place. it was a strange for me, because as much as i enjoyed talking with him & cuddling and all, i found that i couldn't really engage things on much of an emotional level. i definitely felt comfortable and pleasant, but it's really weird for me to feel so guarded when i have gone through most of my life being exceptionally open with my emotions. i think that it's gonna take some more time before i learn how to balance how guarded i should be & how open. i was really hating how closed in and shitty i was feeling lately though, and it felt *very* good to connect with an interesting new person, in the hopes that this person would be someone i'd be spending more time with. i like jonathan in a very friendly, flirty kind of way, and we agreed to keep things relaxed between us, and whatever happens, just enjoy it for what it is. neither of us are looking for an actual relationship right now (from my end: AT ALL... i'm just not ready for anything serious and won't be for quite awhile) and agreed to keep things honest, simple, and communicative. now here's hoping that actually happens. :P hehe...
i think we'll have a lot of fun together though. we seem to enjoy doing several of the same things, and he frequents places that matt & i used to go to regularly, years back, and have been talking about checking out again. oh yeah, and he also knows angelique, who i used to work with @ InFusion. that girl is very sweet and *absolutely* crazy. haha
so yeah. here's hoping things continue to go well with that. but even if they don't, i'm not too worried about it. yesterday was just what i needed to turn my energy around and move forward. i'm still really stressed about a lot of things, but feel *much* more capable of handling that stress, and more capable of moving forward with things in a more constructive way.
there are some other things going on too, that i will talk more about later. right now i need to print out these resumes and get going back to my house. nutmeg probably hates me all over again for being away so long.
fresh air, good friends, and laughter really have an *amazing* effect on the spirit.
:D
*