Challenging
This year, I'm not doing Yuletide, and it feels really weird. It's the first time in a long long time I haven't signed up or nominated anything.
Partly it's because I have a book due at the end of November, and I know from experience that I won't be able to start on anything, really, until after that, and the pressure I always feel is tremendous--the past few years, the books have been really problematic and took every bit of my attention, plus there's my birthday in there, and other things that sometimes take time away from work. They're guidebooks, so the amount of detail is incredible that I have to pay attention to, and this publisher uses a really time-intensive and strange author querying system. The past few books I've done, the author hasn't been the one updating; they've all been updated by other people and inevitably they're someone who barely knows how to string words together and they never, ever check their facts.
But I think it's also that last year I had the best Yuletide ever, it was just so perfect: I had the chance to write two stories (both for Kings, feeding my SebStan obsession), my main one and one for destina that allowed me to write the story of my heart, which was just a fantastic experience, and then on top of that, I got THREE freaking wonderful stories (my squee post here). All adjacent to my current obsession of Captain America: one Political Animals-Cap crossover, an exquisite Kings story that was kind of my Kings dream come true, and a hilarious Losers-Cap crossover. So I sort of feel like I won the lottery last year, and I might never have that experience again (Yuletide has very, very often been less wonderful on the receiving front than the giving front, but fortunately I was in it for the giving part).
And also, I have this ginormous fucking Cap story I'm trying to finish because I have to devote my energy to the book now, so I need to post it, and then another one in the works, and a bunch more besides (I keep hoping that I am done with this. That I have tapped out my reserves and I can finally be finished with writing fic for this fandom, because it is really a study in feeling worthless and invisible, but no, ideas keep coming, fuck them), and I'd love to post fic on my birthday again, something I used to do every year but that stopped after sis_r died.
I think I will try to pick up a pinch hit (though I've never been able to), or do a treat, once the book's finished, we'll see. And I'm waffling on Festivids--I nominated some fandoms, and I would love to do it, but…then I think, maybe I should take a break for a year, too. I had kind of the same thing last year with vids, where I got my dream assigniment and made a Jack Benjamin vid for destina, and also got two amazing vids as gifts.) I just don't know. We'll see. Challenges are challenging.
Ah, the book has arrived. I'm tired already.
Partly it's because I have a book due at the end of November, and I know from experience that I won't be able to start on anything, really, until after that, and the pressure I always feel is tremendous--the past few years, the books have been really problematic and took every bit of my attention, plus there's my birthday in there, and other things that sometimes take time away from work. They're guidebooks, so the amount of detail is incredible that I have to pay attention to, and this publisher uses a really time-intensive and strange author querying system. The past few books I've done, the author hasn't been the one updating; they've all been updated by other people and inevitably they're someone who barely knows how to string words together and they never, ever check their facts.
But I think it's also that last year I had the best Yuletide ever, it was just so perfect: I had the chance to write two stories (both for Kings, feeding my SebStan obsession), my main one and one for destina that allowed me to write the story of my heart, which was just a fantastic experience, and then on top of that, I got THREE freaking wonderful stories (my squee post here). All adjacent to my current obsession of Captain America: one Political Animals-Cap crossover, an exquisite Kings story that was kind of my Kings dream come true, and a hilarious Losers-Cap crossover. So I sort of feel like I won the lottery last year, and I might never have that experience again (Yuletide has very, very often been less wonderful on the receiving front than the giving front, but fortunately I was in it for the giving part).
And also, I have this ginormous fucking Cap story I'm trying to finish because I have to devote my energy to the book now, so I need to post it, and then another one in the works, and a bunch more besides (I keep hoping that I am done with this. That I have tapped out my reserves and I can finally be finished with writing fic for this fandom, because it is really a study in feeling worthless and invisible, but no, ideas keep coming, fuck them), and I'd love to post fic on my birthday again, something I used to do every year but that stopped after sis_r died.
I think I will try to pick up a pinch hit (though I've never been able to), or do a treat, once the book's finished, we'll see. And I'm waffling on Festivids--I nominated some fandoms, and I would love to do it, but…then I think, maybe I should take a break for a year, too. I had kind of the same thing last year with vids, where I got my dream assigniment and made a Jack Benjamin vid for destina, and also got two amazing vids as gifts.) I just don't know. We'll see. Challenges are challenging.
Ah, the book has arrived. I'm tired already.