Woman's Work - Chapter 4

[gwylliondream]

Title: Woman’s Work
Author: gwyllion
Genre: Canon era
Pairing: Blackbeard | Edward Teach/Stede Bonnet
Rating: R
Words: 21,834
Warnings: mpreg, crack, angst with a happy ending, pregnancy issues, missing scene, fix-it
A/N: Thanks to my wonderful beta, Gillian, whose advice always makes me a better writer. Thanks to Ro for audiencing my fic. Your encouragement always makes me want to write more.
Disclaimer: I did not create these characters. No disrespect intended. No profit desired, only muses.
Comments: Comments are welcome anytime. Thanks so much for reading!


Stede gasped in a breath of air. He looked around the unfamiliar room in confusion. After a few moments, he remembered that he slept in a guest room in the Bonnet estate. He stumbled out of bed, his hands clasping his belly.

Breathe, breathe, he told himself. This is perfectly normal. He wondered how on earth Mary had put up with such agony for so many months.

He tried to focus on his breathing, hoping it would help him ignore the pain. When he gathered himself, he wrapped a borrowed robe around his ever-enlarging form and joined Mary and Lucius at the breakfast table.

“Good morning Stede,” Mary greeted him. “Did you sleep well?”

“As well as can be expected, I suppose,” Stede groaned as he pulled out a chair to seat himself. “Honestly, I don’t see how you tolerated this amount of pain when you were expecting.”

Mary sighed. “Just a reminder, Stede-Doug will be here any minute with the children, so please no talk of your… condition.”

“No,” Stede agreed. “I won’t mention it.” He didn’t want to traumatise Louis and Alma any more than necessary. He sincerely hoped that Doug had filled them in about the sudden appearance of their deceased father who they had helped to die months earlier.

Roach emerged from the kitchen. He wore two over-sized mitts and announced, “Breakfast is served!”

Lucius rose to help him set the two quiches onto their trivets.

“Thank you so much, Roach,” Mary said. “They smell heavenly.”

“I have been known to work wonders in the kitchen,” Roach said.

“Yes, I was most fortunate to find Roach when he was looking for employment,” Stede added, taking a knife in hand.

The sound of the front door opening caught the group’s attention.

Soon, Stede found himself with his arms full of Louis and Alma.

“Father, I can’t believe you’re here,” Louis said.

“Although we are enjoying Doug’s company very much,” Alma added. “I need to run to my room, so I can get my orange half to show you. I’ve kept it all this time.”

“That’s wonderful, Alma,” Stede said. “I have my half, too. It’s kept in a place of honour upon the Revenge.”

“Good morning, everyone,” Doug said. “I see you’ve started on breakfast without me.”

“We’ve barely taken a bite,” Mary said, as Doug pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Alma ran off and Louis found his seat beside Doug.

Without the children to hold, Stede hunched over in distress. The hugging kids had shifted something in his back. He laced his fingers behind his lower back and pressed against the muscles to alleviate the pain.

“Stede? Are you all right?” Mary asked.

“Yes,” Stede said, remembering his promise to keep the dramatic news from the children. “It’s nothing. I must have pulled a muscle when we rowed the dinghy to shore.”

Mary stirred a lump of sugar int her tea. “Well, see to it that you take care of yourself. Don’t overdo it if you can take an opportunity to rest and relax.”

Stede heard the bitterness in Mary’s voice. She had every right to be disappointed in him when they were married. The least he could do now was to be on his best behaviour in front of the children.

“Here’s my half of the orange,” Alma said as she plopped down in a chair beside Stede.

“Look at that,” Stede said, taking a moment to gather himself before admiring the fossilized fruit.

“Did you know that Mother and Doug are going to give Louis and me a baby brother or sister?” Alma asked.

Stede’s eyes flew open.

“Alma,” Mary said sternly. “That is not your news to share.”

“I’m sorry, mother. It’s just that I’m so awfully excited about it,” Alma said.

“Really?” Stede gasped. As someone who always prided himself by knowing what to say for any occasion, he was now speechless. He stammered out, “I suppose congratulations are in order for you and Doug.”

Cheers and well-wishes were passed around the table. Roach and Lucius joined in the merry announcement about the arrival of a new family member to Mary and Doug’s family.

As they dined on quiche and fresh fruit, Stede realized that he had nothing but admiration for Mary. Here she was, probably suffering from her own pains and twinges that came with the pregnancy, when Stede could only think of himself. Doug made a fine partner for Mary. He treated the children with all the love and care he would have afforded children of his own. The new babe would be a welcome and cherished addition to the little family that now resided in Stede’s old home.

Stede knew now, more than ever, that his home was at sea with the man he loved. He had been a fool to think he could keep the pregnancy and the tale of Kaleisha‘s curse from Edward. It was time that Stede stopped being a self-centred ponce. He promised himself that he would be true to Edward when he returned to the Revenge. He’d no longer try to hide things from him. And if Ed decided the babe Stede carried would not be welcome aboard, well, they’d need to sort that out when the time came. Surely Ed would see reason.

Amid the sounds of silverware against porcelain and amicable chatter, a tapping came on the window glass of the dining room. Stede turned his head toward the window at the same time as Doug.

“What is that tapping?” Doug asked as he rose to his feet and made for the window.

“It’s a bird,” cried Louis.

“It is a bird,” Mary said with astonishment. “A seagull.”

“We’ve got a bird guy on our ship,” Roach explained. “He communes with the gulls regularly.”

Doug opened the window and the gull flew into the room.

Louis and Alma squealed in delight.

The bird hopped about on the table for a few moments before snatching a berry in its beak.

“It’s Olivia,” Lucius remarked. “Look! She’s got a message attached to her leg.”

Everyone gathered around Lucius, who unfastened the tiny scroll from Olivia’s leg. He unrolled the scroll and cleared his throat to read. “Dear Stede, I hope this finds you well. Everything is settled with Izzy. We plan to arrive on the Queen Anne in the Republic of Pirates for the full moon. I’ve lost track of the Revenge, but I’m sure you have matters well in hand. Buttons will be disappointed that he’ll miss the moon-bathing, but we can let him stay aboard the ship while we enjoy all that the Republic of Pirates has to offer. Your crew deserves a shore leave for putting up with us. I’ll see you soon. Love, Ed.”

“The next full moon?” Roach fretted.

“That’s in two days!” Stede exclaimed, folding his napkin and pushing back from the table. “Sorry to eat and run, Mary, but we’ve got to get a move on.”

“I completely understand,” Mary said, as she tried to conceal a grin. “You’re missing your man.”

“I’m afraid so,” Stede said quietly. Mary didn’t even seem to mind the longing in his voice. Truly, the woman was a gem for putting up with Stede and his antics for as long as she had.

While Lucius and Roach gathered their things from their respective guest rooms, Stede took the opportunity to say goodbye to his children… again.

“Promise you’ll visit us again,” Alma pleaded.

“I promise,” Stede replied.

“Can we visit you on your pirate ship someday?” Louis asked. “Mother said we might be able to when we are older.”

“Yes, father, we’re both bigger and taller than the last time we saw you. Please say we can.”

Stede sighed. Wouldn’t that be something? To bring his children aboard the Revenge. To show them the rooms where he had once intended for them to sleep at night when they were tired from all the adventures they had on the high seas. If only Edward would allow it. And Mary…

“Not until you’re much older,” to Stede’s relief, Mary intervened. Stede hated to disappoint the children by telling them that a visit to the Revenge was unthinkable.

“Make sure you both look after your mother and Doug while I’m away. And be sure to help take care of the new baby brother or sister when they come along.”

“We will,” Louis promised.

“If everyone is ready, I could load you into one of our carriages and drive you to where you’ve left your dinghy,” Doug offered. “It might be for the best to keep you out of sight in the daylight.”

“Doug, that would be fantastic” Stede agreed. It definitely would be in his best interest to keep a low profile whenever he dared venture back to Barbados.

“That’s everything,” Lucius announced as he and Roach emerged onto the veranda of the Bonnet estate.

“It’s settled then,” Doug said, making for the barn. “Follow me.”

The children tagged along as Doug got the men settled into the back of the carriage. A heavy blanket was draped over their heads so they could avoid drawing the attention of any English soldiers who might be on patrol.

It was Stede’s turn to say goodbye to Mary. The frantic energy of the morning had almost made Stede forget about the pinching he felt in his belly and the dull ache that accompanied his every step.

“Thank you for hosting us,” Stede said. “It was good to see the children again and you and Doug.”

“You know you’re welcome here any time, as long as you travel safely,” Mary said.

“I appreciate it,” Stede said.

“But this whole baby thing… Stede, I just don’t know what to think about it,” Mary fretted, still clearly not convinced that Stede was expecting a child.

“Let me worry about that,” Stede said, taking Mary’s hand. “You have your own baby to worry about.”

Mary rested a hand on her belly. “It won’t be here until spring.”

“Yes,” Stede muttered. “Ah, thanks for explaining how that works.”

Stede took a step backwards and raised Mary’s hand to his lips. He pressed a kiss there before straightening his back.

Mary smiled demurely.

“And, Mary,” Stede began, knowing what he wanted to say, but at a loss for the proper words to express it. “I’d like to apologize for the way I treated you when we were married. I know it doesn’t make any difference now, but still, I want you to know. I should have treated you better, paid more attention to you. I didn’t even realize that it hurt to be pregnant, for God’s sake.”

Mary pulled her hand from Stede’s grasp and smacked him on the arm. “I appreciate the sentiment,” she said.

“I’m glad you have Doug to look after you and the children now,” Stede said. He looked toward the barn, where the carriage awaited him. “He’s a good man and a good partner.”

“I know you are the same for your Ed,” Mary said.

“I’m going to try to be,” Stede replied before walking to the barn and settling in the back of the carriage with Roach and Lucius.

~

The full moon had just risen above the horizon when Stede, cradling his bloated belly, stepped ashore in the Republic of Pirates. His first impression of the place had remained unchanged. Music emanated from the taverns that occupied the streets beside the docks. The sound of arguments being lost and won rose from the shadowy buildings. The slap of a fist connecting with a jaw was followed by the hapless victim stumbling out onto the bloody street. It felt like home.

The Queen Anne sailing into the harbour was the only thing that was missing. Stede sighed with relief that they still had time to consult with Roach’s friend before Ed arrived for their rendezvous. Perhaps the easiest way to resolve his problem would be to find Roach’s friend and pay for his services. He hoped that the so-called friend had some medical training. It would be most unfortunate for Ed to discover him bleeding out after a botched procedure.

“How do you know this guy anyway?” Stede asked as they wandered the streets of the Republic.

“Now, there’s a question I’ve been afraid to ask,” Lucius said, without trying to hide any snark.

“He’s been known to help a lady friend of mine, or two,” Roach replied. He poked his head into yet another tavern only to shake his head in disappointment when the friend was nowhere to be found. “For the right price, he can fix any problem. And I do mean any problem. ”

“That’s disgusting,” Lucius remarked. “Just the thought of someone making a living between a lady’s legs is enough to make me vomit.”

“Keep your vomit to yourself, Lucius. Some of us are dealing with nausea on the daily,” Stede begged. “Please?”

“Not to worry, Captain. Your troubles will soon be over,” Roach assured Stede. “This guy deals with dudes who are expecting a baby, too.”

“I’m not sure that I believe it, but at this point it’s not like I have any other choice,” Stede said.

They wandered further from the docks, into the part of the Republic where women plied their trade among the visitors who ventured this far away from the busier piers. Past the bordellos, the quieter streets promised a different sort of service, one that served customers who would not want to be seen on the busier dockside and crowded taverns.

Soon, they came upon a shabby building that looked like it had been constructed from scavenged driftwood. The thatched roof was missing several palm fronds, probably blown off in the last hurricane. The light from a pair of lanterns cast a golden glow onto the sandy path outside. Flecks of mica in the sand sparkled in the lamplight. A trail of slime, left by some poor creature, wended its way through the sand to where it stopped at the entrance. The sign hung above the door read, “Jacques House of Oceanic Oddities.”

Stede grimaced. “What kind of place is this?”

“Come to think of it, he had been talking about expanding his services. I think this is his new shop,” Roach said, before opening the door and peering inside.

“You think?” Stede muttered with disdain. “I would hope you had more confidence about the location of his establishment.”

“He likes to change things up every once in a while,” Roach remarked.

Stede watched as Roach straightened up and threw open the door.

“Jacques!” Roach shouted, before striding into the establishment.

The soft music that had wafted through the air stopped and a man with a shaved head looked up from where he was sat. As he did so, Stede noticed the long blond beard that had been twisted into a braid that cascaded from his chin.

“Roach? Is that you?” Jacques got to his feet and recognizing Roach, drew him into a warm embrace.

“This is the guy I’ve been telling you about,” Roach turned his head and beckoned Stede and Lucius to follow him inside.

“Grab yourselves a drink and join me at my table,” Jacques insisted.

As Lucius closed the door behind them, the music began to play again.

The establishment was unlike most of the taverns Stede had visited in the Republic of Pirates. Stede caught a whiff of camphor and the sweet smell of ether. Shelves containing bottles of every size and shape lined the far wall. Some were filled with colourful liquids, while others contained capsules of some substance that Stede did not want to think about. Into the centre of the wall, a small window was cut to allow an opening to the back which must serve as a storeroom of some kind, Stede presumed.

In the corner of the main room, a band played a variety of musical instruments that had apparently been scavenged from the detritus that washed ashore. A pair of kettle drums rang when they were struck in time by a rotund man with a wooden stick. A raven-haired woman blew into a conch that sounded a merry tune.

A half-dozen circular tables were scattered across the floor. Most of them were occupied by couples who laughed and drank the colourful concoctions that the establishment offered.

“Captain,” Roach introduced, “this is my good friend Jacques. I believe he will be able to help us.”

“I’d be happy to help. Grab yourselves a drink,” Jacques said. “My wife will take your order at the bar.”

Roach led Stede to the bar while Lucius browsed the shelves filled with various bottles and jars.

Stede stepped forward with no small amount of trepidation. The tiny tavern seemed innocuous enough as it was far off the beaten path. Surely no one would find him here and learn about the trouble he had gotten into and the nefarious procedure he hoped to have done. But still Stede worried about what it meant to lie to Edward. Even if the man was a killer of children, wouldn’t it be best to simply tell him about the siren and how she had cursed him? It wasn’t entirely Stede’s fault that he now bore a child.

“Roach,” Stede whispered through gritted teeth. “Are you sure I shouldn’t just tell Ed the truth?”

Roach raised his eyebrows. “This will save you from having to explain that you were cursed by the siren, but you do you,” he replied, clasping a hand to Stede’s shoulder. “I’m going to order a drink.”

Stede sighed and rested a hand on his belly. “Fine,” he said as he followed Lucius and Roach toward the window where they could place an order for drinks.

A small bell graced the countertop in front of the window.

Lucius tapped it a few times so it sounded over the music performed by the band. “Oh, Mrs. Jacques,” he called. “You have customers.”

“What can I get for the lot of you?” Jacques’ wife appeared in the window. The portly woman huffed out a breath that blew her auburn fringe out of her eyes, “We’ve got a batch of Sea Dog Punch on special tonight.”

“That sounds delicious,” Roach said. “We’ll take three. Captain Bonnet is buying.”

“Make that two,” Stede said, pulling out his coin purse. “I’ll have to settle for something with less alcohol.”

“Suit yourself,” Jacques’ wife replied before she began to pour the drinks for the party. She tossed a few ice cubes into each of the three large glasses. With a great deal of dexterity, she twisted an orange rind together with a pair of cherries and a few rosemary sprigs.

“Ah! I see what you’ve done there,” Roach exclaimed. “You’ve made the garnish into a mermaid.”

“That is rather amazing,” Lucius remarked, “even if I don’t particularly care for mermaids.”

“I once had an affinity for mermaids,” Stede said, stepping closer to the bar. “But lately, I’ve become more cautious about the dangers that sea creatures might pose.”

“Very well,” the bar mistress replied as she shaped another garnish into the shape of a heart.

“This is incredible,” Roach exclaimed. “If we have time after our captain has finished with his business, maybe you can teach me some of your tricks?”

Roach only received a sly wink for his trouble. Drinks were poured from their shakers and Jacques’ wife announced, “Here you go! Two Sea Dog Punches and one Shirley Temple for blondie here. You can run a tab, but make sure you pay my husband before you leave.”

“Thank you, miss,” Stede said before taking his drink from the counter. The chilly glass that contained the concoction felt soothing against his palm. He wondered if Ed had ever ventured this deeply into the Republic of Pirates. He would love the vibe, despite the sombre reason for Stede’s visit.

“Have a seat, gentlemen,” Jacques encouraged the group to join him at his table.

The scrape of the wooden chair squeaked across the floor as Stede pulled it out from the table. He sat heavily into the seat. He placed his glass on the table, but it was impossible for him to avoid holding his belly with both hands as he tried to get comfortable.

Lucius and Roach sat themselves on either side of Stede, offering some form of security as the men began to discuss the purpose of their visit. Stede appreciated their camaraderie in Ed’s absence. It brought him comfort to know that his crew looked after him in trying times.

“Now, what brings you here to Jacques’ House of Oceanic Oddities?” Jacques asked. “Is it for you, or another one of your friends, Roach?”

“No,” Roach laughed. “It’s not for me this time.”

Stede studied his hands, hoping he could keep them from shaking. “It’s for me,” he said. He nodded, knowing that the decision to keep his pregnancy from Ed was the right one. “I seem to have run into a bit of trouble.”

“I see,” Jacques said, stroking the braided length of his beard. “We cater to women primarily, but we’ve been known to create a concoction that will cure your particular kind of trouble.”

The music from the band seemed to fade into the distance as Stede grew relieved with the knowledge that this might be resolved by the time he reunited with Ed. Ed would never have to know about the pregnancy.

“We were hoping to get this over with quickly,” Lucius said. “How much to make our captain’s problem disappear?”

“Seven hundred Doubloons,” Jacques replied, as if the amount wasn’t utterly absurd.

Lucius’ jaw fell open at the announcement of the amount. “Too rich for my blood,” he said.

Stede knew very well that the amount was more money than the scribe had ever held in his own pockets. Even with the raiding and looting of piracy, the price was nearly out of reach for Stede.

“I can pay,” Stede said resolutely.

With wide eyes, Lucius returned to sipping from his straw.

“Do we have an agreement?” Jacques asked.

Stede would give anything to rid himself of the nausea, the constant pinching to his insides, the throbbing pain in his back. But more importantly, he wanted to end the pregnancy so he could return to the Revenge without Ed knowing that anything was amiss-and without the risk that Ed might make the terrible decision to leave Stede altogether or dispatch the child by his own hand. No price was too high for Stede. He needed to assuage his fear of what the birth of a child might do to the blossoming love he and Edward had found in each other. With every passing hour, he desperately longed to see Edward again. Although they had only been apart for a week, he ached to put this mess behind him for once and for all.

Roach took a deep drag from his cigarette.

“Very well,” Stede said as he reached for his coin purse.

Just then, the door to the tavern swung open.

Lucius looked up and gasped, “Oh, God.”

The band stopped playing. A welcoming cry went up from the tavern-goers.

Stede turned his head toward the door, just as the chant of “Blackbeard! Blackbeard!” rang through the tavern.

Edward stepped through the door with Jim and Oluwande following behind.

Jacques pushed his chair back from the table and got to his feet. “Blackbeard! Welcome! What brings you to Jacques’ House of Oceanic Oddities?” he asked.

Ed smiled and strode toward Stede.

A cold sweat broke out on Stede’s brow. He willed his lips into a smile for Ed’s benefit.

“Just reuniting with the love of my life,” Ed said with a tilt of his head toward Jacques.

A sigh of relief flooded from several of the room’s occupants as the musicians resumed playing their lively tune.

Ed leant over and cupped Stede’s cheek with one gloved hand. He pressed his lips to Stede’s and when he pulled away, he whispered, “I’ve missed you so much, love.”

Stede’s mind raced. With Ed here, it was hopeless to think he could still pull off the plan to employ Jacques’ pregnancy cure. And now he had spent so much energy worrying about the pregnancy that he had nearly forgotten why he and Ed had parted for the week.

“So… um… things are settled with Izzy, then?” Stede said when he finally got his brain to cooperate with his words.

“It went about as well as could be expected,” Ed said, rising to his full height.

Lucius stood and shoved his chair toward Ed. “Go ahead and have a seat, Blackbeard, sir. I’m sure you two have a lot of catching up to do.” He motioned toward the bar with his wooden finger and promptly disappeared from the table.

Without looking, Ed sat back into the chair. “It took us a while to track you down,” he said tracing the rim of Stede’s glass with a gloved finger.

“We searched all over the island,” Oluwande said, giving Roach a one-armed hug in greeting.

“It figures you guys would find a shithole like this to drink in,” Jim said, taking a look around.

“You should try the Sea Dog Punch,” Roach nodded. “Follow me, I was just about to order another. You should see what this chick can do with the garnishes.” He got to his feet and led Jim and Oluwande to the bar.

Stede couldn’t stop himself from shaking. It was a relief when Ed reached beneath the tabletop to take his hand.

“We pulled up beside you on the Queen Anne and docked, but you had gone ashore already,” Edward said. “So, what have you been up to on the Revenge while I was away?”

“Oh, you know, just the usual,” Stede said, trying to keep his composure. With Ed’s warm brown eyes roaming to meet his, he feared that he could not keep the dramatics of the past week a secret for very long.

“It’s an honour to welcome you to my establishment, Blackbeard,” Jacques interrupted. “We were just about to conduct some business.”

Ed looked toward the bar, where the crew were placing their order for drinks. He observed Jacques’ wife as she tossed an orange in the air and sliced it in half with a cleaver before it hit the bar top.

“Whoa,” Roach yelled, raising his hands in the air. “Garnish queen!”

“Hey, Kaleisha,” Ed shouted over the music. “Can you make me one of whatever they’re drinking?

Stede’s heart dropped to the floor. “Kaleisha?” he whispered. He immediately remembered where he had heard that name before. Pressing a hand to his belly, he choked out, “I’m going to be ill.”

Ed looked from Stede to Jacques. In no time at all, he had an arm wrapped around Jacques’ chest and a dagger pressed to his throat. “You’ve got some explaining to do, don’t you?” he asked.

Stede pushed away from the table and turned his attention to Jacques’ wife who tended the bar. “It’s you!” he gasped as a rage boiled within him. He didn’t dare look at Edward again, lest the guilt of his secret overwhelm him. Instead, he stumbled toward the bar.

“Stede, love,” Ed called. “That’s what I suspected when he said he had business with you. Wouldn’t be the first time these two conned a pirate into thinking he was pregnant.”

Stede stopped in his tracks. Ed knew. Somehow, he knew why Stede and the crew had gone to Jacques House of Oceanic Delights to do business. And Edward knew just why they were there without Stede having to give any awkward explanation. He charged toward the bar.

Oluwande and Lucius each grabbed Stede by an arm before he could do any damage to Kaleisha.

“You devil!” Stede raged in the angriest voice he could muster. How had he not noticed the similarity between Jacques’ wife and the siren that he had encountered when he searched for Ed? The surly attitude, the vibrant hair, the fringe that undoubtedly covered that hideous green eyeball in the centre of her forehead.

“Oh, come on! I helped you get back to Ed, didn’t I?” Kaleisha asked, ignoring her barware to fold her arms across her chest defiantly.

“I have my doubts about your helpfulness, but more importantly, why am I pregnant?” Stede seethed.

“It’s a ruse, sweetheart,” Ed called to him. “And you’re hardly their first victim. These two have been playing this game for as long as I can remember. Even Calico Jack once fell for their antics. He sought these two out before things got too painful, but Jack was always a bit of a pussy anyway.”

“What? You made Captain Bonnet conceive a baby?” Oluwande asked with a laugh.

“Not funny, Olu,” Jim said through clenched teeth while delivering an elbow to Oluwande’s ribs.

“I can’t believe I knew nothing about this,” Lucius said, sipping his second serving of Sea Dog Punch.

“You can serve up the cure to him right now,” Edward said. “And he’s not paying you a single doubloon for it.”

“Why would you do this?” Stede cried. “You vile, hateful creature!”

“Hang on, buddy,” Kaleisha began, wiping her hands on a bar rag. “There’s nothing hateful about me. And I’d appreciate it if Blackbeard would remove the point of that blade from my husband’s neck.”

“Don’t do it, Ed,” Stede pleaded. “These two deserve to suffer unimaginably for all they’ve put me through.” The pain, the nausea, the stress of keeping his secret from Ed… Stede wanted these two dead at his feet for all the havoc they had brought into his life.

“Yeah, but look at you two lovebirds reunited,” Kaleisha said. “You know we mean well, right?”

“You mean well?” Stede asked in disbelief. “How can you possibly say that? You’ve made me conceive a baby for God’s sake.”

Ed’s nostrils flared furiously.

Roach, Oluwande, and Jim followed Kaleisha as she made her way from behind the bar. They gaped at the long tentacles that trailed behind Kaleisha as she travelled across the room.

Kaleisha stood beside Jacques and wrapped her hand around the handle of Edward’s dagger. “It’s not all bad! You two found each other again, didn’t you?”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Edward asked, a storm of anger in his eyes.

“I ran into your Captain Bonnet while he was clinging to despair,” Kaleisha explained. “He let every creature in the sea know how much he longed for you.”

“And?” Ed simply breathed while Kaleisha spoke.

Lucius slurped the last of his second Sea Dog Punch from his glass.

“He was at his wit’s end, and I was kind enough to help him out,” Kaleisha explained.

“You weren’t kind at all, as I recall,” Stede spat.

“It was no accident that you found Blackbeard again,” Kaleisha continued. “I even threw in a little guarantee that you would stay together, since you’re both so hopelessly in love with each other.”

“Guarantee? What kind of guarantee?” Ed asked.

“Blackbeard… Edward…” Kaleisha continued in her sing-song siren voice, “You know that Jacques and I are romantics at heart.”

“It’s true,” Jacques said. “Just look at my beautiful wife. She is even lovelier on land than she is in the sea.”

“That’s debatable,” Stede said, “but why on earth would she curse me with this baby?”

“Relax,” Kaleisha said. “You’re not going to have a baby. You’re a dude, for God’s sake.”

Stede sighed with relief before he gathered himself again. “I’m not having a baby?” he asked.

Roach’s eyes flew open. He was undoubtedly remembering a time or two when he and his companions were duped by Kaleisha.

“The whole pregnancy cure business is just a way for us to make a little extra money on the side,” Jacques admitted.

“Seven hundred doubloons is hardly small potatoes,” Lucius blurted out from the bar.

“What then about the pain I’ve been in?” Stede stammered. “The aching back, and the nausea. I’m so tired, I can barely stand. Surely those are signs of pregnancy.” He didn’t dare say that he acquired this knowledge from Mary upon his recent visit. That would definitely send Ed over the edge.

“Sorry,” Kaleisha said. “It is just a bit of discomfort, a curse to bring two lovers together.”

“What? How do you figure that would work?” Stede asked. His belly still ached. He did not trust Kaleisha to tell the truth about her antics.

“Listen,” Kaleisha said without removing her grasp from the handle of Edward’s dagger. “If a couple believes they are expecting a child, it’s only natural for them to become more enamoured with each other.”

“And they’d spend more time together,” Ed said with a nod.

“And when they spend more time together, loving each other, caring for each other…” Oluwande murmured.

“Fucking each other,” Jacques interjected.

“Eventually, an actual pregnancy occurs,” Jim said.

“I can understand the part about bringing the couples closer, but what about the women who don’t stay with their partners?” Roach asked. “I know at least a few who have come to you for the cure we were trying to get for Captain.

“In that case, we offer a simple cure that makes the pregnancy end,” Kaleisha said sombrely. “Sometimes, that’s the best we can do.”

“But I’m a man,” Stede insisted. “If I can’t become pregnant, why couldn’t you just let me find Ed again if you’re such a romantic?”

“Guilty as charged,” Kaleisha said, raising her free hand. “I would have, but you were being a dick to me.”

“Me? A dick?” Stede’s voice rose an octave.

“You were longing for your Edward mightily and I could have helped you reunite with him, but when I asked for your help, you refused. I knew you were the type to ignore your partner’s needs. I could tell from the moment we met that you were a man who would only think of himself, so I decided to fuck with you.”

“Not literally, of course,” Lucius quipped.

“I wanted to inflict a little bit of pain on you to make you suffer the way every partner of yours surely has suffered,” Kaleisha scowled.

From the corner of his eye, Stede watched Edward wilt a little. The siren had a point. She had only known Stede for a short while before she determined that he was a terrible husband to Mary and a terrible partner to Ed. It was true. He had never offered Mary any kind of help or support when she was with child. And Ed…? Stede turned toward him when he began to speak.

“Stede has always been kind to me,” Ed said. “Supportive… we talk it through… usually.”

Stede sighed.

“We do,” Ed assured Stede as he turned his attention from Jacques. “About most things.”

“And you can continue to talk it through, right? Besides, you don’t want to kill my husband,” Kaleisha said, her hand still on the handle of Ed’s dagger. “Just think about how our many, many sea-children would suffer if they were to lose a parent.”

Ed let Kaleisha take the dagger from him.

“Holy hell,” Oluwande muttered.

Stede thought about his own children. Alma and Louis had been so happy to see him again, even though they were well-loved by Mary and Doug. They had looked forward to someday visiting Stede on the Revenge. And Stede would have considered it, if not for Ed’s reputation for killing children. Perhaps this was something that they could talk through. Maybe the idea wasn’t so far-fetched after all.

“So what can we do about the pain you inflicted on Stede?” Ed asked. “You don’t expect him to suffer indefinitely, since, uh, obviously he’s not going to have a baby.”

“The curse will wear off all by itself in a few weeks,” Kaleisha said. “That’s usually how long it takes for couples to conceive an actual child. And then the aches and pains are real. The joy of motherhood!”

“Hold on, didn’t you give some kind of pain relief potion to Calico Jack?” Ed asked. “He paid handsomely for it as I recall.”

“Of course, we do have a potion that will speed up the process, so your pain will vanish in a matter of minutes,” Jacques said. “We only charge a small price-”

“You’ll be giving Stede a dose of it for free,” Ed said.

“Wait Ed,” Stede interrupted. He turned to Jacques and asked, “You’re saying that this discomfort will pass on its own in only a couple more weeks?”

“Unless you take the cure for it,” Kaleisha said. “Then your pain will be gone almost immediately.”

Stede reached for Ed’s hand. Because of Ed’s kind words, his concern for Stede’s pain, and the warmth of his touch, Stede finally managed to stop shaking. He should have been truthful with Edward in the first place and maybe he wouldn’t have gotten into this mess. “I can appreciate that you don’t want me to be in pain,” he said, “but I think I’d like to stick it out.”

Ed’s grasp tightened. He gazed into Stede’s eyes imploringly. “But why?”

Stede could hardly believe it himself, but he managed to put it into words. “If ladies like Kaleisha and my former wife Mary were able to withstand this discomfort for all the months that they were pregnant, I can surely withstand it for a couple more weeks.”

“Are you sure?” Ed asked.

Stede squeezed Ed’s hand and said, “I’d like to try.”

~

Epilogue

Stede exhaled as the Revenge rocked gently on the waves. The past weeks had been filled with utter bliss for him upon his ship. He devoted himself to Edward’s care, and he felt as if he had been pampered by Edward as well. With one foot still caught in the sheets, he sighed and shifted his legs so Ed could escape from their entrapment.

Swallowing one last time, Ed pressed a kiss to the tip of Stede’s softening cock.

“Come back up here,” Stede beckoned, tugging at Ed’s upper arms, their inky images becoming more discernible in the early morning light.

Ed did as he was asked, letting his fingers trail across Stede’s belly on his way.

“Tummy feeling better?” he asked before sliding behind Stede to wrap him in his arms, making Stede the little spoon.

“Much better,” Stede said, tangling their legs together. Thankfully, the pains he had experienced had waned as Kaleisha had promised. “I haven’t had a bout of nausea all week.”

“Glad to hear it,” Ed said, his breath hot on Stede’s neck.

Stede burrowed into Ed’s embrace. “Thank you for helping me get through that ordeal.”

“Of course,” Ed murmured. “I’m impressed that you barely complained. Proud of you.”

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” Stede laughed. “Just because I didn’t complain to you about my so-called pregnancy pains, doesn’t mean I’m going to stop complaining about anything else in life if it hurts like hell.”

“I wouldn’t expect you to, babe,” Ed said. He slid his hand down to rub at Stede’s belly. “Glad I was able to help a bit.”

From the time they returned to the Revenge together, Ed had spent an hour or so each night gently stroking Stede’s belly until he was comfortable enough to fall asleep. This went on for all the days that it took for Stede’s pains to pass. It was just as Doug had mentioned when he remarked that typically, a husband helps quite a bit when his spouse is expecting a baby. Ed had risen to the challenge.

“You didn’t have to suffer, you know,” Ed said.

“I know,” Stede replied. “But it’s the least I could do. I feel like my suffering a bit made up for what Mary had to go through to give birth to the kids. Not to mention Kaleisha. I guess she was a romantic.”

“Very noble of you, Bonnet,” Ed whispered in Stede’s ear. “I hope Mary appreciates you more for the sacrifices you made when you were her husband. You didn’t have too easy of a life with her.”

“Nahh, I was a terrible husband to her. I’m glad she has Doug now,” Stede said. “They are perfectly matched.”

Stede hoped that he could be as good of a partner to Edward, now that he had sorted out his feelings and come clean about the incident with the siren and his visit to Mary, Doug, and the kids. Stede had learned his lesson. He committed himself to treating Ed as his beloved partner, talking it through, no matter the outcome.

A soft thumping of footsteps sounded across the deck above. The waking crew would bring the Revenge to life for another day on the high seas. The muted clanging of Roach’s pots and pans signalled that breakfast would soon be prepared.

“I’m glad to know they’re taking good care of your kids,” Ed said.

“Is that so?” Stede asked, pulling Ed’s arms around him more firmly.

“Of course,” Ed said. “They’re your kids. I’m glad you got to pay them a visit. You’re a better dad than some fathers-and I don’t only mean my own.”

“You almost sound like you’re fond of children, darling,” Stede snorted.

“Kids can be great,” Ed said. “Besides, if your kids are even a bit like you, I’m sure I’d love them.”

Stede pulled himself from Edward’s clutch. He craned his neck to ask in astonishment, “But what about the killing of children?”

“What? Who killed children?” Ed asked, his eyebrows shooting up.

Stede was silent. He thought back to where he had first gotten the idea that Blackbeard was a killer of children. “Damn,” he muttered.

“It was Black Pete, wasn’t it?” Ed laughed. “And you believed him?”

“I should have known,” Stede said, pressing his palm to his forehead.

“You are a bit gullible, love,” Ed said as he rolled Stede onto his back.

“Why do I do this to myself?” Stede laughed as Ed peppered his face with kisses.

“This is a lot like the thing with Fang’s very-much-alive dog, isn’t it?” Ed asked between breaths.

They tickled and tussled together with pillows flying and limbs delivering not-so-accidental blows.

“You haven’t ordered the deaths of any dogs or children? I’m beginning to question your reputation as the dread pirate Blackbeard, the most feared demon of the seven seas,” Stede cried.

“All you had to do was ask,” Ed complained as he ducked Stede’s elbow.

They finally settled, with Stede’s head resting on Ed’s chest. Stede’s panting breaths rustled the sparse hair that sprouted from Ed’s inked galleon.

“You know, Mary and Doug are going to be busy with the new baby,” Ed said, stroking Stede’s bare shoulder.

“Apparently everything about children can be time consuming, if not downright painful,” Stede murmured.

Ed’s voice took on that quiet tone, the one where he sounded like a child asking for a favour. “I was wondering if you think they’d appreciate having a break from Alma and Louis when the new baby comes?”

“A break?” Stede asked. “What kind of break?”

“I was thinking we could take the kids aboard, just for a week or so. We could give them a tour of some of our favourite beaches. Maybe visit some of the islands with the little shops that you like so much. Nothing too dangerous.”

“Edward Teach,” Stede said determinedly, “How could I love you any more than I do right now?” He crawled up Ed’s body, so they were pressed together, chest to chest, lips to lips. Stede closed his eyes as they kissed. He had never imagined that he would experience such happiness, not in his life in Barbados, nor even on the Revenge.

“So, that’s a yes?” Ed asked when Stede broke away for air.

“Of course I would love to have the kids aboard,” Stede replied.

Ed wrapped his arms around Stede and held him tight. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

~

Stede and Ed lived happily on the Revenge for the rest of their days. Their lovemaking never resulted in either of them conceiving a child again… but not for lack of trying.

The end