catching up
Have so much to catch up to. Forgive me for the lack of organization, this is unrehearsed and unedited! Dont say I didnt warn you!
Let's start with my birthday... (it was on August 19, so you know this is late!)
Yes, yes, it was that time of the year, I was overdue for a disaster of personal nature; last year I was in a wreck, but didn't total my truck, the year before, a very personal/ghostly experience, but ALWAYS, around my birthday, The Gods get together and decide to give something unforgetable, like the time the well was struck by lightning, you know, Divine tokens of appreciation. So why should this year be any different? Why indeed?
So, the thursday before my birthday week, I'm on my way to work. I get possesed by Lightning Leadfoot as I drive down the road...I realize I'm speeding and proceed to slow down (whoa, Nellie! WTF are you doing??? 70 in a 55??). Obviously somebody else had the same thoughts, as a few seconds later I see a flash of blue lights approaching... "awww fuck! he got me good, no use trying to squirm out of this one".
So I pull over and gather the usual documents and wait for the officer to come by. I hand them over, I say, no excuse, just rocking to AC/DC and got carried away, sorry. He goes back to his patrol car (good looking young man, by the way-rawr!). As I'm sitting there wondering how long this is gonna take, he comes back; "ma'am? Did you forget to tell me something about your licence?" me- "hmm, no, why?"
him-"because it's suspended"
me-"WHAT?" dramatic pause... "WHY?!?"
him- "Not exactly sure, computer just says it's over financial responsibility"
0_o
Ok, so he ends up telling me if I even try to move the truck he is arresting me and taking my sweet patootie to spend the night in jail, and if I can call anyone to come get me. I have like 150 thousand thoughts going to my mind (per second) trying to process this information and at the same time trying to keep my cool and call someone. (new strong arm tactic of collection agency? back taxes? Stolen identity? WTF?Who do I owe?) So I get my cell and call Owene...then I think, if she left for work she is gonna rightfully bitch me out if I beg her to come get me; we'll both be late for work... well turns out she hadnt left the house and, like me, she has spotty reception at best at home. Anyhow, I told her to rely a message for me that I was not coming in, as I had become an OUTLAW, but would call in with details later, then I called The HUSBAND to come rescue me.
So I tell the nice officer that my husband was coming to get me and I just had to wait, so he settled to wait because he was NOT leaving me all alone at night on the side of the road, horse stables to my left woods that connect to the county prison grounds to my right, pitch dark (did I mention I live in the sticks?). So, like 20 minutes later, the HUSBAND shows up, first thing was the officer wanted his drivers licence (???? does he thinks it's contagious?), he checked out good, parked his truck deep in the grass and reaches in and pulls out Boo Boo (because the man is smart and knows that upset wife needs a pacifier, and my pacifier of choice is a fluffy 3 pound chihuahua who happens to be threatening the Officer with his shrill " I KEEL YOU! I KEEL YOU DED! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MOMMA!!! I SHALL KEEL YOU, INFIDEL!"
So I reluctnty, move over to the passenger side, and allow the HUSBAND to drive my truck (which I had told him he would drive "over my dead body, as you are crash-happy, irresponsible driver who brakes on top of other vehicles...")
So we come back home, and I call work and talk with my supervisor, explain the situation. So he asks me; you got a DUI? or expired car insurance?- nope, nope, I have no clue why, he didnt tell me, I must go to dept of driver's licences and find out...blah, blah. Sorry about tonight, please make sure somebody turns in my time-bye!
Next day the real ordeal begins; Tallahassee suspended my licence because seems they didnt get the insurance paperwork from the wreck last year and I have to make restitutions to the guy I hit.....
I flipped. That was handled by my insurance. No, we dont have the paperwork. You MUST contact that man and get him to sign a release. How am I supposed to get him??? Not our problem... (gotta love some office workers). They give me all this paperwork I need to get signed by him, and a list of all the fines I have to pay in order to get my licence back; it totals over $1,300.00!
More confused than ever I come home, defeated, look in white pages, cant find that man...I WAS supposed to be leaving that afternoon to go for an extended visit at my parents,I call them, tell them I'm not going and why.
You guys gotta know, mom was a legal secretary, but not just any legal secretary; she was the personal secretary to the District Judge, she knows the law. So she takes the phone from dad, I tell her and she annnounces, "don't worry, we'll start packing and we'll be there tomorrow, we'll get this straightened out"
They arrived saturday, and we spent the day Sunday mapping out what was to be done and where...it had the whole feel of a WAR ROOM in my kitchen...
Anyway, after a few deft moves we got the whole mess straightened out and I had a new driver's licence (still hate the photo), and the best part of it all? I didnt have to pay a penny of any of those fines, fees and whatnots. Even my ticket got pardoned in this mess. Due to beaurocratic speed, it took a whole week (a whole week of yours trully not able to flee the house on her own, no solitude of just me and the stereo blasting thru some backroad, singing "Crazy train" like a deranged banshee, going down to the store and getting a coffee, with Boo Boo riding shotgun)
Thankfully that horrid chapter is over. It's amazing, what some stupid clerk in an office in Tallahasee put me thru, because they didnt file the paperwork properly. Thankfully, mom coached me thru it all, and we got the insurance to do the bulk of the work.
And THAT, was my Divine birthday present for this year.
Wonder what was so difficult about giving me a kitten... always these learning experiences, all zen and shit....
Let's start with my birthday... (it was on August 19, so you know this is late!)
Yes, yes, it was that time of the year, I was overdue for a disaster of personal nature; last year I was in a wreck, but didn't total my truck, the year before, a very personal/ghostly experience, but ALWAYS, around my birthday, The Gods get together and decide to give something unforgetable, like the time the well was struck by lightning, you know, Divine tokens of appreciation. So why should this year be any different? Why indeed?
So, the thursday before my birthday week, I'm on my way to work. I get possesed by Lightning Leadfoot as I drive down the road...I realize I'm speeding and proceed to slow down (whoa, Nellie! WTF are you doing??? 70 in a 55??). Obviously somebody else had the same thoughts, as a few seconds later I see a flash of blue lights approaching... "awww fuck! he got me good, no use trying to squirm out of this one".
So I pull over and gather the usual documents and wait for the officer to come by. I hand them over, I say, no excuse, just rocking to AC/DC and got carried away, sorry. He goes back to his patrol car (good looking young man, by the way-rawr!). As I'm sitting there wondering how long this is gonna take, he comes back; "ma'am? Did you forget to tell me something about your licence?" me- "hmm, no, why?"
him-"because it's suspended"
me-"WHAT?" dramatic pause... "WHY?!?"
him- "Not exactly sure, computer just says it's over financial responsibility"
0_o
Ok, so he ends up telling me if I even try to move the truck he is arresting me and taking my sweet patootie to spend the night in jail, and if I can call anyone to come get me. I have like 150 thousand thoughts going to my mind (per second) trying to process this information and at the same time trying to keep my cool and call someone. (new strong arm tactic of collection agency? back taxes? Stolen identity? WTF?Who do I owe?) So I get my cell and call Owene...then I think, if she left for work she is gonna rightfully bitch me out if I beg her to come get me; we'll both be late for work... well turns out she hadnt left the house and, like me, she has spotty reception at best at home. Anyhow, I told her to rely a message for me that I was not coming in, as I had become an OUTLAW, but would call in with details later, then I called The HUSBAND to come rescue me.
So I tell the nice officer that my husband was coming to get me and I just had to wait, so he settled to wait because he was NOT leaving me all alone at night on the side of the road, horse stables to my left woods that connect to the county prison grounds to my right, pitch dark (did I mention I live in the sticks?). So, like 20 minutes later, the HUSBAND shows up, first thing was the officer wanted his drivers licence (???? does he thinks it's contagious?), he checked out good, parked his truck deep in the grass and reaches in and pulls out Boo Boo (because the man is smart and knows that upset wife needs a pacifier, and my pacifier of choice is a fluffy 3 pound chihuahua who happens to be threatening the Officer with his shrill " I KEEL YOU! I KEEL YOU DED! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY MOMMA!!! I SHALL KEEL YOU, INFIDEL!"
So I reluctnty, move over to the passenger side, and allow the HUSBAND to drive my truck (which I had told him he would drive "over my dead body, as you are crash-happy, irresponsible driver who brakes on top of other vehicles...")
So we come back home, and I call work and talk with my supervisor, explain the situation. So he asks me; you got a DUI? or expired car insurance?- nope, nope, I have no clue why, he didnt tell me, I must go to dept of driver's licences and find out...blah, blah. Sorry about tonight, please make sure somebody turns in my time-bye!
Next day the real ordeal begins; Tallahassee suspended my licence because seems they didnt get the insurance paperwork from the wreck last year and I have to make restitutions to the guy I hit.....
I flipped. That was handled by my insurance. No, we dont have the paperwork. You MUST contact that man and get him to sign a release. How am I supposed to get him??? Not our problem... (gotta love some office workers). They give me all this paperwork I need to get signed by him, and a list of all the fines I have to pay in order to get my licence back; it totals over $1,300.00!
More confused than ever I come home, defeated, look in white pages, cant find that man...I WAS supposed to be leaving that afternoon to go for an extended visit at my parents,I call them, tell them I'm not going and why.
You guys gotta know, mom was a legal secretary, but not just any legal secretary; she was the personal secretary to the District Judge, she knows the law. So she takes the phone from dad, I tell her and she annnounces, "don't worry, we'll start packing and we'll be there tomorrow, we'll get this straightened out"
They arrived saturday, and we spent the day Sunday mapping out what was to be done and where...it had the whole feel of a WAR ROOM in my kitchen...
Anyway, after a few deft moves we got the whole mess straightened out and I had a new driver's licence (still hate the photo), and the best part of it all? I didnt have to pay a penny of any of those fines, fees and whatnots. Even my ticket got pardoned in this mess. Due to beaurocratic speed, it took a whole week (a whole week of yours trully not able to flee the house on her own, no solitude of just me and the stereo blasting thru some backroad, singing "Crazy train" like a deranged banshee, going down to the store and getting a coffee, with Boo Boo riding shotgun)
Thankfully that horrid chapter is over. It's amazing, what some stupid clerk in an office in Tallahasee put me thru, because they didnt file the paperwork properly. Thankfully, mom coached me thru it all, and we got the insurance to do the bulk of the work.
And THAT, was my Divine birthday present for this year.
Wonder what was so difficult about giving me a kitten... always these learning experiences, all zen and shit....