My Castle, My Rules
The last weeks have been hard, but I'm building strength. Facing the Truth about my past and making the changes necessary to transform what blocks me in my path to Selfhood, has been challenging and rewarding. I'm not yet free, but I have decided my Self for personal Liberty and my Self. I think this is the most important step to take.
In this process, I have learned that boundaries do not equal imprissonment. As a matter of fact, they can give me space to live in and thrive. I always thought that my problem was my inability to set boundaries in my life. I now do realize, that I always did set them, but that the space they gave me was to little and barely noticeable. It wasn't even as big as my body, let alone my souls. Now that I know this and can aknowledge my power to set boundaries in general, I can use my Power to let those boundaries meet my needs. I can spread them to create a space for me in which I can dance.
I don't know how this boundaries will turn out and look like in my future. I guess I will just have to play with them and notice what works. I will need to make sure to be the only one in charge of these bounaries. I will need to remind myself and others, that my life is my castle and that I have a right to be the Queen/King in there. That I am happy to invite them in my house, my life, my bed, but that I am the person making the rules and that disrespectful guests aren't appreciated. Of cause, even disrespectful guests are Queens and Kings. I will make sure to respect them respectfully in their castles and to remind them of their natural role occationally. But still: My castle is mine. I don't know how many rooms there are in this castle or how many of them I want to keep more puplicly and which ones I want to keep more to my Self - but that's the fun of Self-exploration after all!
I'm a little bit afraid that my walls could become too thick, that I could block out people whose love and closeness I want. I am afraid that because of my lack of experience with healthy boundary setting I will become unaccessible. It helps to remind me, though, that I always did set boundaries, even if they were too small to protect me. It helps to remind me that - while having something invasive in my interactions with others (I always reach into the depths for there is where the interesting things are) - that despite that, I usually am percieved as very gentle, loving and respectful. I can and do respect boundaries.
I think the really scarry thing is that I have to ask my Self again: What do I Want? How do I Want it? How often? How intimate? All those answers are within. No one can give to me those answers. And avoiding to ask these questions will eventually work against me and my happiness.
I think it's time to look into the Mirror.
Thanky ou so much for all your support - publicly and privately - so far! Thank you that by expressing your Power you helped and help me to aknowledge my own!
Love to you,
Gwydion
[Note: Kind of crossposted at my "Angelic Blog"]
In this process, I have learned that boundaries do not equal imprissonment. As a matter of fact, they can give me space to live in and thrive. I always thought that my problem was my inability to set boundaries in my life. I now do realize, that I always did set them, but that the space they gave me was to little and barely noticeable. It wasn't even as big as my body, let alone my souls. Now that I know this and can aknowledge my power to set boundaries in general, I can use my Power to let those boundaries meet my needs. I can spread them to create a space for me in which I can dance.
I don't know how this boundaries will turn out and look like in my future. I guess I will just have to play with them and notice what works. I will need to make sure to be the only one in charge of these bounaries. I will need to remind myself and others, that my life is my castle and that I have a right to be the Queen/King in there. That I am happy to invite them in my house, my life, my bed, but that I am the person making the rules and that disrespectful guests aren't appreciated. Of cause, even disrespectful guests are Queens and Kings. I will make sure to respect them respectfully in their castles and to remind them of their natural role occationally. But still: My castle is mine. I don't know how many rooms there are in this castle or how many of them I want to keep more puplicly and which ones I want to keep more to my Self - but that's the fun of Self-exploration after all!
I'm a little bit afraid that my walls could become too thick, that I could block out people whose love and closeness I want. I am afraid that because of my lack of experience with healthy boundary setting I will become unaccessible. It helps to remind me, though, that I always did set boundaries, even if they were too small to protect me. It helps to remind me that - while having something invasive in my interactions with others (I always reach into the depths for there is where the interesting things are) - that despite that, I usually am percieved as very gentle, loving and respectful. I can and do respect boundaries.
I think the really scarry thing is that I have to ask my Self again: What do I Want? How do I Want it? How often? How intimate? All those answers are within. No one can give to me those answers. And avoiding to ask these questions will eventually work against me and my happiness.
I think it's time to look into the Mirror.
Thanky ou so much for all your support - publicly and privately - so far! Thank you that by expressing your Power you helped and help me to aknowledge my own!
Love to you,
Gwydion
[Note: Kind of crossposted at my "Angelic Blog"]