Drugs
I was going to type up a post about why I had decided to stop smoking pot, but earlier today I had a paragraph (one of my usual marathon paragraphs) about it in an email to a friend, so I thought I would just past it in here. So, here it is.
"The weed thing is just because I've been smoking too much of it. Hell, I've been smoking 'too much' weed for a while now, but I guess my level of self awareness, and my commitment to making my life into what I would like it to be has gone up a notch, and I can no longer feel satisfied by my drug use. I mean, at the heart of smoking pot is the effect of artificially creating a feeling of contentment. But I just don't buy it any more; I can see/feel that it is induced, and I'm just not satisfied with that. Also, it does fuck with your ability to reason a bit, which is kinda stupid for a student. It also screws with your emotions, in so much as it makes you feel happy, even if your circumstances are not those that would make you happy. But in that way it reminds me of using too many painkillers: the pain is there to tell you to avoid doing certain things, but if you take the drugs and then do those things anyway, you are not fixing the underlying issues. And lastly, I've been feeling a strange, I'm not sure, like a disconnection with reality. Like I find my life feels unreal, except when I'm high, which is sort of the opposite of what the situation is. And I just don't want to feel like that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still going to happily puff away in social settings. But I've been smoking in the way that you were drinking when you were concerned that you were drinking too much. Having a doob with a friend when you are going for a walk on the boardwalk is one thing. Having a doob every night when you are done with your schoolwork for the day is another thing entirely, and that is the thing I want to correct."
Right, so, uh, that is about it.
"The weed thing is just because I've been smoking too much of it. Hell, I've been smoking 'too much' weed for a while now, but I guess my level of self awareness, and my commitment to making my life into what I would like it to be has gone up a notch, and I can no longer feel satisfied by my drug use. I mean, at the heart of smoking pot is the effect of artificially creating a feeling of contentment. But I just don't buy it any more; I can see/feel that it is induced, and I'm just not satisfied with that. Also, it does fuck with your ability to reason a bit, which is kinda stupid for a student. It also screws with your emotions, in so much as it makes you feel happy, even if your circumstances are not those that would make you happy. But in that way it reminds me of using too many painkillers: the pain is there to tell you to avoid doing certain things, but if you take the drugs and then do those things anyway, you are not fixing the underlying issues. And lastly, I've been feeling a strange, I'm not sure, like a disconnection with reality. Like I find my life feels unreal, except when I'm high, which is sort of the opposite of what the situation is. And I just don't want to feel like that. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm still going to happily puff away in social settings. But I've been smoking in the way that you were drinking when you were concerned that you were drinking too much. Having a doob with a friend when you are going for a walk on the boardwalk is one thing. Having a doob every night when you are done with your schoolwork for the day is another thing entirely, and that is the thing I want to correct."
Right, so, uh, that is about it.