(no subject)
The result of my last post: we broke up. Neither of us are content with it, but we don't see another way.
And now I'm very sad, anxious off and on, and incredibly lonely. I always forget how quiet my social life is when I'm not dating, mainly because I really only want to spend time with one main person, and lots of friends on the side. So I'm trying to fill up my time and distract myself. Jess is being super awesome and spending time with me. Manda is too when she's in town, though sadly she'll be leaving soon.
God, I haven't felt this lonely in a long time. Everything will pass, but this sucks so hard right now. I'm generally ok when I'm around others, like at work, but when I come home the feelings eventually catch up with me. And I do need to feel them, otherwise I'm sure they'll come out as anxiety, but it sucks. Not that I don't have anxiety already.
I'm trying hard not to think about him, but it's only working so well. And my wishful thinking that he'll come around is not helpful (though it is natural), but it makes me feel pathetic. I've gone through plenty of breakups before, but this is the first guy I've loved since Peter. Our relationship was by no means perfect, but I really liked so many things about him. And I'm kinda worried that I won't be able to find another guy with those traits.
I wish I could live with a roommate like Jess or Manda who'd be around and whom I could really enjoy spending time with. My goal for this weekend is to find enough stuff to do with or at least around people to keep me relatively occupied. Definitely going to have to step out of my comfort zone.
Objectively, though, this will be a better birthday weekend than last year. And for that I need to be thankful.
And now I'm very sad, anxious off and on, and incredibly lonely. I always forget how quiet my social life is when I'm not dating, mainly because I really only want to spend time with one main person, and lots of friends on the side. So I'm trying to fill up my time and distract myself. Jess is being super awesome and spending time with me. Manda is too when she's in town, though sadly she'll be leaving soon.
God, I haven't felt this lonely in a long time. Everything will pass, but this sucks so hard right now. I'm generally ok when I'm around others, like at work, but when I come home the feelings eventually catch up with me. And I do need to feel them, otherwise I'm sure they'll come out as anxiety, but it sucks. Not that I don't have anxiety already.
I'm trying hard not to think about him, but it's only working so well. And my wishful thinking that he'll come around is not helpful (though it is natural), but it makes me feel pathetic. I've gone through plenty of breakups before, but this is the first guy I've loved since Peter. Our relationship was by no means perfect, but I really liked so many things about him. And I'm kinda worried that I won't be able to find another guy with those traits.
I wish I could live with a roommate like Jess or Manda who'd be around and whom I could really enjoy spending time with. My goal for this weekend is to find enough stuff to do with or at least around people to keep me relatively occupied. Definitely going to have to step out of my comfort zone.
Objectively, though, this will be a better birthday weekend than last year. And for that I need to be thankful.