today is rant day
fuck you sky. just...fuck you. i made a comic about my first few hours of hell today. yay i won a contest but just blah. and fucking hell i hat eyou sky. fucking hurricane rains here and NOTHING in NY. god i hate you. and there's class. i dont' care. just...fuck it. i drew two pics on the train while this fat guy was like...eating and gods i wanted to throw up cuz i could smell is diet pepsi breath. i can still smell it! i drew two cool pics though. they're great for my depressing-ness. and jsut fuck. i give the fuck up. guys...just fuck guys! i give up. and i'm so close to jsut saying fuck it to my drawing as well. it's not going anwhere. who am i kidding? my panels suck and my drawings suck more. i can't anything good. i just...fuck. i give up. really. jsut...let it go.
it's just a rant. fuck you. it's never just a rant. it's not some words that floated up to my fucking head and went through my fingers to say hello. don't think i mean some of it? that deep down i'm really that bitchy? that i'm really that mean? that i'm really fucked up that i just dont' fucking care? if you read a rant and i haven't gone to sleep by then then all those words are true. they're burning inside my skull. when i sleep they fade and i cry and everything's over because it's covered up by the next day and the next and the next and the next. the scars will never fade.
and fuck you if you think that i'll find a guy. it won't happen. think positive thoughts. i've tried that. when i walked out the house i didn't think the rain would effect me. it wouldn't be that bad. i had to walk the fuck back to my house so i wouldn't be fucking freezing. a positive state of mind won't help me. guys are just gone. they're just NOT interested in me. i'm just this plain girl that always looks stupid and sad and will never ever be approachable. because deep down the second you see me you know i'm a bitch. you know i've got all these layers that you're not willing to poke through. guys suck. seriously. i want a guy! i want flowers! i want stupid cards. i want...comfort. watching a movie in his arms. being there with him! fuck you shojo manga! you made me sappy. stupid dramacon. i want that so fucking bad! meeting an awesome guy at a con and just...let it snap. but no...here i am. sitting on my fat ass looking at the rest of my life in front of me and just not caring. i'm not cut out for this. i'm not. i can't fucking draw. i can't talk to people. i want someone else dammit! it doesn't help that whenever i try i lose. i give up. i wish i could have that time where i'm asked to dance but it won't happen. never. fuck fuck fuck i hate me!
it's just a rant. fuck you. it's never just a rant. it's not some words that floated up to my fucking head and went through my fingers to say hello. don't think i mean some of it? that deep down i'm really that bitchy? that i'm really that mean? that i'm really fucked up that i just dont' fucking care? if you read a rant and i haven't gone to sleep by then then all those words are true. they're burning inside my skull. when i sleep they fade and i cry and everything's over because it's covered up by the next day and the next and the next and the next. the scars will never fade.
and fuck you if you think that i'll find a guy. it won't happen. think positive thoughts. i've tried that. when i walked out the house i didn't think the rain would effect me. it wouldn't be that bad. i had to walk the fuck back to my house so i wouldn't be fucking freezing. a positive state of mind won't help me. guys are just gone. they're just NOT interested in me. i'm just this plain girl that always looks stupid and sad and will never ever be approachable. because deep down the second you see me you know i'm a bitch. you know i've got all these layers that you're not willing to poke through. guys suck. seriously. i want a guy! i want flowers! i want stupid cards. i want...comfort. watching a movie in his arms. being there with him! fuck you shojo manga! you made me sappy. stupid dramacon. i want that so fucking bad! meeting an awesome guy at a con and just...let it snap. but no...here i am. sitting on my fat ass looking at the rest of my life in front of me and just not caring. i'm not cut out for this. i'm not. i can't fucking draw. i can't talk to people. i want someone else dammit! it doesn't help that whenever i try i lose. i give up. i wish i could have that time where i'm asked to dance but it won't happen. never. fuck fuck fuck i hate me!