hey kids...
hey kids. i haven't updated this thing since like october. alot has changed since then. i had my heart broken, i had it mended, i was a sock-puppet with a horny puppeteer trying to stick her hand inside me, i had my heart broken again, i had it mended again, i hate the puppeteer, i fell in love, she left for a year, she found out i loved her through a note, fell in love again, but still in love with the other, sorted things out, went to a few parties, got fucked up, learned a few songs, and here i am now... yes and what and exciting life i lead. i've been having some crazy dreams too. like when youre high and you go to sleep, and you have crazy dreams? that's how my dreams have been. i can't explain them. i don't even know what they mean. i think i. did you ever look at a clock watch the time. and then move your eyes away and then glance back and it's been like 10 seconds? i think im going nuts. ill just be staring at something and then get completely off whatever im supposed to be concentrating on. it's like im mentally high and not physically. accept when i get really into it my body does start to react and im sort of paralyzed. it's like im in a crazy new mind and body state or something. i mean hey, im not complaining or anything but this shits' weird. i kind of like it though. like if im mad or something, ill forget what i was mad about really easily.
anyways. yeah bitches. christmas is like what? 5 days away or something? shit.i have the tree, i have the lights, i have the mother fucking eggnog shit, but where the fuck is christmas? i don't feel it.
im usually not a selfish person. like, ever. but if i am it backfires really bad. but right now, i feel like nobody cares if im hurting or if anyone would be sad if i died. and if i did, i don't think they could really say that they knew me. sure somebody who goes to my school could say, "hey. did you hear about that one girl who died during christmas break?"... "yeah man, i knew her." but i feel like nobody knows me and i feel like nobody wants to know me. my mom doesn't, my brother doesn't, my whole family doesn't, my friends don't, and i have like what? at least 1 real friend who knows me. not even that. im not satified with what i have. and im not trying to be ungrateful or anything because if i was being ungrateful, i would know it and i am definitely not. but i feel like i deserve more than this. there has to be something more for me out there. and they tell me to wait, but they don't understand that i have to patience for that kind of stuff and just can't take it anymore. i just want to love somebody so bad it hurts. not jsut mentally.my muscles start to twitch and my legs get spazzims and shit. an then i get sore all over. nothing satisfies me. i just want somebody to love and for somebody to love me. because im pretty sure, that nobody does. im out. tiffany