Entwined 18
Kurt stood outside Dave's house and fixed his clothes. He leaned against the side of the house, trying to catch his breath. He felt terrible for leaving Dave like that, but he needed to catch his breath. He felt a full blown panic attack headed his way.
He didn't even know why. Except he did. He was terrified. It was just supposed to be sex, and then he and Dave could move on. They could get the angst and tension out of the way and they would be able to work together, and Kurt would step aside and let Dave be with Tyler, and he would be okay with that. He should be okay with that. Dave had made his teenage life hell after all. But the part of Kurt that Kurt refused to acknowledge held out hope, that one day Dave would fall in love with him and they would be together, and his life would be complete.
But that day never came, and he never transferred back to McKinley. He met Blaine then, and he convinced himself that Blaine was the perfect guy for him. He was what he wanted. A gorgeous, talented man who wasn't dangerous and who wouldn't cause him constant pain and sadness.
But then the manipulation and the emotional abuse started. At first, Kurt convinced himself that Blaine didn't mean to hurt him, it was just because he loved him so much and wanted what was best for him. So he stayed, and by the time he understood what being with Blaine was doing to him, it was too late. He had nowhere else to go. Blaine had cut him off from most of his glee friends, and even his family. He was told where to go, who to see, and what to do.
He was just a former shell of his confident, outgoing self and it was college.
Blaine followed him, and the never ending cycle continued. And then Blaine decided he was going to follow his dream, and Kurt supported him in every way he could. He gave him money, he picked up two jobs to pay rent and utilities, and he bought a car for them. And Blaine was gone nearly twenty four hours a day, with excuses of rehearsal, recording, and parties for his "label". He never was invited to any of them and he never got to meet any of the people Blaine talked about.
But he was naïve and so desperate not to be alone that he bought into it. He allowed himself to believe Blaine's excuses and manipulations.
Kurt barely graduated college with a degree in musical performance and education, when he decided he'd like to audition for plays. He tried out for three, with singing parts. He got a few callbacks, but he wasn't what they were looking for. Blaine told him, "People who can't do, teach, Kurt". And that one phrase took root in Kurt's mind. He stopped trying for auditions, and ended up working three minimum wage jobs to support Blaine's lifestyle.
Blaine got lazy and careless then and made it no secret that not only was he cheating on Kurt; he planned on continuing and didn't care very much how Kurt felt.
After a few drunk and crying calls to Mercedes and Finn, they had convinced him to move back to Lima. To get his head on straight, to forget about Blaine, and most importantly because the music teacher had retired that year.
So he agreed. He moved back to Lima, was reunited with his best friends and his family. Most importantly he started realizing what life on his own was like again. He had been with Blaine for almost 10 years. He was his high school sweetheart after all. He really had no idea what the single, gay life was like. And he was determined to find out.
He took many weekend trips to Columbus with Mercedes and they would hit gay bars and clubs, and Mercedes would try to introduce cute guys to him, and Kurt wanted to move on past Blaine so badly, but every time he got close to allowing a guy to take him home he froze. It wasn't out of a feeling of guilt, but of not being able to perform to standards. He felt inadequate and unworthy of physical affection.
If he was truly honest with himself he would admit that while he loved Blaine to distraction, the feelings masked the truth. His heart had always belonged to Dave Karofsky. Even when he hated him and wanted to be as far away from him as possible, he never stopped loving him. He allowed himself to be tortured, abused, and mistreated by Blaine, because he didn't want to admit the truth.
And now here he was mere minutes after having the best sex of his entire life with a man he'd been in love with since 4th grade. And he was running again. He didn't feel worthy. He felt small and insignificant, and confused.
Dave didn't deserve to be treated like he had been treated like Blaine. That's the only thought that was running through Kurt's mind as he ran. He'd never been much of a fighter. So when it came down to fight or flight, he always chose flight.
He considered calling Mercedes, but it was late.
So he called the only person he could.
"Hey, Blaine. It's Kurt. Yeah, I know how late it is. No, I don't care that you were sleeping.
Why not? Why should I? I know you're still in the guest room of my apartment. But I'm coming home tonight, so make sure you are in your room by the time I get back, so I don't have to see you. I'm tired of staying at my parents, when I have an apartment. Blaine, you do realize that I'm letting you stay in my apartment free of charge, because I wouldn't just kick you out on the street. I after all am not a bad person. Whatever, Blaine. I'll be home in 15 minutes. Be sure you're not around."
Kurt stopped at the store and grabbed the largest bottle of Malibu rum he could find some soda and headed home. He needed to drink himself into oblivion and then figure out how he was going to approach the situation with Dave. He had already messed up their friendship, and he didn't want to permanently damage his working relationship too.
An hour later he was thoroughly drunk. As he sat on the couch he felt like curling up and going to sleep.
As he closed his eyes flashes of Dave pounding into him kept streaming across his mind's eye.
He groaned and tried to get up.
He stumbled to the bedroom, ripped his shirt off and fell into bed.
The last thing he remembered thinking was that he didn't remember buying the Cosmo sitting on the night stand.
The next morning, he woke with a pounding head and a dry mouth.
He looked around and realized he was in his guest room, and Blaine was asleep beside him.
What the hell did I do last night?
Kurt felt like he was going to be sick. He was not a slut, and it made him physically ill to think he had slept with Dave, and then turned around and slept with Blaine.
He ran to the bathroom and kneeled over the toilet.
He felt terrible. Physically and emotionally.
When he finally felt better he walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.
After three cups he finally started feeling a bit more normal and headed to take a shower.
Two hours later he felt like a human being again.
He checked in on Blaine who was still sleeping. He was surprised to his phone on Blaine's nightstand, but picked it up and put it in his pocket.
I must've really been wasted last night. I need to find out what the hell happened.
He grabbed his bag and headed toward the school, one last weekend of preparations and the kids would be coming back. He was nervous and excited, and mostly queasy at the thought of having to face Dave, who undoubtedly already be there working.
He didn't even know why. Except he did. He was terrified. It was just supposed to be sex, and then he and Dave could move on. They could get the angst and tension out of the way and they would be able to work together, and Kurt would step aside and let Dave be with Tyler, and he would be okay with that. He should be okay with that. Dave had made his teenage life hell after all. But the part of Kurt that Kurt refused to acknowledge held out hope, that one day Dave would fall in love with him and they would be together, and his life would be complete.
But that day never came, and he never transferred back to McKinley. He met Blaine then, and he convinced himself that Blaine was the perfect guy for him. He was what he wanted. A gorgeous, talented man who wasn't dangerous and who wouldn't cause him constant pain and sadness.
But then the manipulation and the emotional abuse started. At first, Kurt convinced himself that Blaine didn't mean to hurt him, it was just because he loved him so much and wanted what was best for him. So he stayed, and by the time he understood what being with Blaine was doing to him, it was too late. He had nowhere else to go. Blaine had cut him off from most of his glee friends, and even his family. He was told where to go, who to see, and what to do.
He was just a former shell of his confident, outgoing self and it was college.
Blaine followed him, and the never ending cycle continued. And then Blaine decided he was going to follow his dream, and Kurt supported him in every way he could. He gave him money, he picked up two jobs to pay rent and utilities, and he bought a car for them. And Blaine was gone nearly twenty four hours a day, with excuses of rehearsal, recording, and parties for his "label". He never was invited to any of them and he never got to meet any of the people Blaine talked about.
But he was naïve and so desperate not to be alone that he bought into it. He allowed himself to believe Blaine's excuses and manipulations.
Kurt barely graduated college with a degree in musical performance and education, when he decided he'd like to audition for plays. He tried out for three, with singing parts. He got a few callbacks, but he wasn't what they were looking for. Blaine told him, "People who can't do, teach, Kurt". And that one phrase took root in Kurt's mind. He stopped trying for auditions, and ended up working three minimum wage jobs to support Blaine's lifestyle.
Blaine got lazy and careless then and made it no secret that not only was he cheating on Kurt; he planned on continuing and didn't care very much how Kurt felt.
After a few drunk and crying calls to Mercedes and Finn, they had convinced him to move back to Lima. To get his head on straight, to forget about Blaine, and most importantly because the music teacher had retired that year.
So he agreed. He moved back to Lima, was reunited with his best friends and his family. Most importantly he started realizing what life on his own was like again. He had been with Blaine for almost 10 years. He was his high school sweetheart after all. He really had no idea what the single, gay life was like. And he was determined to find out.
He took many weekend trips to Columbus with Mercedes and they would hit gay bars and clubs, and Mercedes would try to introduce cute guys to him, and Kurt wanted to move on past Blaine so badly, but every time he got close to allowing a guy to take him home he froze. It wasn't out of a feeling of guilt, but of not being able to perform to standards. He felt inadequate and unworthy of physical affection.
If he was truly honest with himself he would admit that while he loved Blaine to distraction, the feelings masked the truth. His heart had always belonged to Dave Karofsky. Even when he hated him and wanted to be as far away from him as possible, he never stopped loving him. He allowed himself to be tortured, abused, and mistreated by Blaine, because he didn't want to admit the truth.
And now here he was mere minutes after having the best sex of his entire life with a man he'd been in love with since 4th grade. And he was running again. He didn't feel worthy. He felt small and insignificant, and confused.
Dave didn't deserve to be treated like he had been treated like Blaine. That's the only thought that was running through Kurt's mind as he ran. He'd never been much of a fighter. So when it came down to fight or flight, he always chose flight.
He considered calling Mercedes, but it was late.
So he called the only person he could.
"Hey, Blaine. It's Kurt. Yeah, I know how late it is. No, I don't care that you were sleeping.
Why not? Why should I? I know you're still in the guest room of my apartment. But I'm coming home tonight, so make sure you are in your room by the time I get back, so I don't have to see you. I'm tired of staying at my parents, when I have an apartment. Blaine, you do realize that I'm letting you stay in my apartment free of charge, because I wouldn't just kick you out on the street. I after all am not a bad person. Whatever, Blaine. I'll be home in 15 minutes. Be sure you're not around."
Kurt stopped at the store and grabbed the largest bottle of Malibu rum he could find some soda and headed home. He needed to drink himself into oblivion and then figure out how he was going to approach the situation with Dave. He had already messed up their friendship, and he didn't want to permanently damage his working relationship too.
An hour later he was thoroughly drunk. As he sat on the couch he felt like curling up and going to sleep.
As he closed his eyes flashes of Dave pounding into him kept streaming across his mind's eye.
He groaned and tried to get up.
He stumbled to the bedroom, ripped his shirt off and fell into bed.
The last thing he remembered thinking was that he didn't remember buying the Cosmo sitting on the night stand.
The next morning, he woke with a pounding head and a dry mouth.
He looked around and realized he was in his guest room, and Blaine was asleep beside him.
What the hell did I do last night?
Kurt felt like he was going to be sick. He was not a slut, and it made him physically ill to think he had slept with Dave, and then turned around and slept with Blaine.
He ran to the bathroom and kneeled over the toilet.
He felt terrible. Physically and emotionally.
When he finally felt better he walked into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.
After three cups he finally started feeling a bit more normal and headed to take a shower.
Two hours later he felt like a human being again.
He checked in on Blaine who was still sleeping. He was surprised to his phone on Blaine's nightstand, but picked it up and put it in his pocket.
I must've really been wasted last night. I need to find out what the hell happened.
He grabbed his bag and headed toward the school, one last weekend of preparations and the kids would be coming back. He was nervous and excited, and mostly queasy at the thought of having to face Dave, who undoubtedly already be there working.