(no subject)
And this is where Katherine feels like she doesn't really exist. Like she's just a shadow, nonimportant and noninteresting. She feels like the daily grind is so fast and she's growing up so fast and she doesn't have the storybook high school years that she dreamed of in third grade. Then she goes to lunch and everything is hunky dory. Then she goes to another class, and there she is. The smart kid. The person that she can't believe that she turned into. She isn't past her childhoodness of freshman year, but then again, she isn't quite there anymore. She is in limbo, hanging and unsure when her strength will give out and where the bottom is. She waits, biding her time until the drop comes. She is cold and it is overcast. It doesn't feel like fall nor does it feel like winter. Middle ground, where she's lived her life, is now seeming so foreign, but the alternatives aren't that familiar either. The crushes that she is notorious for are losing their appeal. She clings to her latest one, but her grip is slipping, it will soon be gone. She won't know what to do after that; everything is so new and scary. The one thing that she truly excels at - school - is becoming hard for her. She tries desperately to grasp at what she once had, that sunny life, but it has moved, who knows to where. Foggy. That's how she feels. A mist of a person, not playing any vital role in anything. Everyone is too loud and she can't think of anything to say. She clamps her hands over her ears and wishes that she could be asleep, warm in her bed. But she's not: she's still there. In that prison-school, where teachers like her, yes, but only to the extent of the A. What will happen, then, when she loses her precious 4.0, the one thing that distinguishes her from the waves of peers that surround her? She will fade into the fog that threatens to overcome her. She will give in to the tug of humanity. She will drop every extra thing that she loves so much and just be nothing. Because underneath every facade and every act that she puts on, that is all that she is.
Nothing.
Nothing.