FUUUUUCCCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!

[gwenfairysong]

I've been hurt too many times. I can't do this anymore. I was so happy 24 hours ago and now I feel like a fool and down right shity. I've been trying to make xmas cookies but they aren't coming out right. I feel so alone and hurt. I can't believe I actually believe this guy was going to be different. It felt so right. I was so happy and he said he was too. Why the sudden change? Fuck if I know. He couldn't say more then he wasn't ready. He said he liked me and was attracted to me but that he felt we were getting into a relationship and he wasn't ready. He said that he hadn't been in a relationship for a long time and that he just wasn't ready for one right now. I did nothing wrong, that's what he said and that's what everyone I know is saying but I can't help but feel like it was me. I seem to reel them in and then some how they want to bolt. Fuck, it wasn't me. I cute, funny, sexy, and smart. WTF!?!?!?!?!?

I give up on love and relationships. THey are stupid and all that ends up happening is that people get hurt. My heart can't take much more. I am not going to get hurt again. He's going to regret what he did. I am trying everything in my power to call him because that would be a bad idea but I want to yell him and make him feel how I feel. Make him hurt.

Why does this hurt so much? Because love is a bitch. Because I really liked him and he liked me and now it is over. Because it's Christmas and New Years and I am all alone. I have no one to kiss on midnight.

I don't know how I am going to go to work tomorrow.

I need to go cry some more because I go to get it all out.