End of the world
That's right. End. Of. The. World.
I am having an internal breakdown because I apparently don't know how to let it out to gain relief. I thought I'd been shaking because I'm getting sick but I think now I'm shaky with perpetual stress and because of that I'm getting sick.
School: I'm behind. Really behind. Big projects. Overdue items. Loss of focus. Can't seem to remember anything. Loss of information gathered. Internet here not letting me in on my laptop.
Work: Massive changes in centre. Big responsibility for additional support needs child put in me. Must mentor other staff. Must create projects for said child. Ontop of regular programming, activity preparation, observations, and all that jazz. Setting up environment in unique ways every week. Christmas concert. Worry of not doing job right. Getting school stuff that needs me at work done while here too. Program coordinator coming to evaluate centre soon, and therefore I may be asked questions I may not k ow and I'm worried of coming across as a failure.
Home: Apartment is a mess. Am required to go to chiropractor three times a week. Lack of actual cooking to eat real. Finances are shit. Internet has died. tv has died. Internet tv has died. Obligations to babysit my niece. General Christmas romance woes--having no one to cuddle with and person I am starting to really like doesn't even live in same province. turning 25 and that is freaking ke out which is hitting nerves of general getting older anxieties which make me fear the fact my cats and family are getting older too. Hate at the world and how things work and rather wishing that this whole December 21, 2012 is real and some massive change comes in and smartens / wipes everyone out. Morbid, yes. But whatever. Second job seems to have dropped me completely, so no sde respite work (though yay for less to do, boo on less money).
And I have a big bang to write. I realize I should drop in order to stay sane, but at same time I don't want to because it is the only thing I'm doing for me and maybe it is the only thing keeping me sane? Fuck I dunno....
Stressed flisty...stressed. And on iPad so can't cut, sorry...
I am having an internal breakdown because I apparently don't know how to let it out to gain relief. I thought I'd been shaking because I'm getting sick but I think now I'm shaky with perpetual stress and because of that I'm getting sick.
School: I'm behind. Really behind. Big projects. Overdue items. Loss of focus. Can't seem to remember anything. Loss of information gathered. Internet here not letting me in on my laptop.
Work: Massive changes in centre. Big responsibility for additional support needs child put in me. Must mentor other staff. Must create projects for said child. Ontop of regular programming, activity preparation, observations, and all that jazz. Setting up environment in unique ways every week. Christmas concert. Worry of not doing job right. Getting school stuff that needs me at work done while here too. Program coordinator coming to evaluate centre soon, and therefore I may be asked questions I may not k ow and I'm worried of coming across as a failure.
Home: Apartment is a mess. Am required to go to chiropractor three times a week. Lack of actual cooking to eat real. Finances are shit. Internet has died. tv has died. Internet tv has died. Obligations to babysit my niece. General Christmas romance woes--having no one to cuddle with and person I am starting to really like doesn't even live in same province. turning 25 and that is freaking ke out which is hitting nerves of general getting older anxieties which make me fear the fact my cats and family are getting older too. Hate at the world and how things work and rather wishing that this whole December 21, 2012 is real and some massive change comes in and smartens / wipes everyone out. Morbid, yes. But whatever. Second job seems to have dropped me completely, so no sde respite work (though yay for less to do, boo on less money).
And I have a big bang to write. I realize I should drop in order to stay sane, but at same time I don't want to because it is the only thing I'm doing for me and maybe it is the only thing keeping me sane? Fuck I dunno....
Stressed flisty...stressed. And on iPad so can't cut, sorry...