(fic) Though Death Do Us Part (R) J2
Title: Though Death Do Us Part
Rating: R
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 3,069
Warnings: death!fic, angst
Prompt: Jared and Jensen have been together for years, and Jensen (and his family) is positive tonight is the night Jared will propose. It’s at the restaurant that the unexpected happens, and someone is left to grieve for a dead almost-fiancé. ( Prompt by sasukichan101 at commentfic meme here)
Author's Note: Doesn't follow the prompt exactly, but this is what my head came up with. Unbeta'd. All mistakes and errors are my own.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Mom, enough already!!" Jensen laughed, uselessly batting away the hands desperately straightening out his collar. Truth was, this was exactly what he wanted, he wouldn't have stopped by otherwise. "It's just dinner, Jared and I go out for dinner all the time."
His mother gave him a sideways smile, her eyes shining and she just tsk'd as she pulled on the hem of his coat. "Jensen, let your mother fuss. You know--"
"I know, dad! I am letting her fuss, see how she's completely messing up my hair?" Jensen quipped. "What if we're wrong?" His stomach flipped, making him nauseous suddenly.
His mother patted his shoulders before stepping back, taking Jensen's larger hand in her own. "Jen, sweetheart. You've been together for how many years now?" Jensen didn't interrupt her because he knew full well that she could probably recount exactly how many weeks they'd been together if he asked. "It's a month after your anniversary and the first time he has asked you to dress up for dinner. He's taking you to the Royal Round. He told you to cab because he wanted to order drinks with the meal. Didn't you say he hinted at a hotel later too?" she winked.
Jensen groaned, rolling his eyes. "Mom..." Even still, he was grinning ear to ear. Yeah, all signs pointed to a proposal this evening, and Jensen was so nervous and excited he felt like his skin was buzzing. "I have to go! The cab is waiting, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"You'd better call tonight, son. I don't want to put up with her yammering all night. No one will get any sleep," his dad joked, but Jensen knew it was his own way of saying that they both wanted to hear the news as soon as possible.
Grinning, Jensen nodded, hugging his mother before fingering the edge of his sleeve in hesitation as he turned towards the door. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out the door and climbed into the cab.
The ride to the restaurant flew by, mostly because Jensen kept doing his best to stare into the mirrors from the backseat to check his hair, fidgeting with his coat or inspecting his shoes for any offending marks. He would have been happy if the ride took him an hour, he felt like he needed to be prepared--though what for or how he couldn't say--and he just knew he wasn't. Climbing out of the cab, Jensen turned to pay, but the driver just smiled and pulled away.
Staring after the cab, Jensen didn't hear Jared sneak up behind him, and as a result jumped when arms circled his waist. "Hey," Jared muttered into his ear.
At the single word, everything melted away and Jensen just felt perfect. Turning in his arms, Jensen caught Jared's lips in his own and lost himself in the way that Jared knew just how to run his tongue along the bottom edge of his lip in a way that had Jensen groaning softly, and instinctively pressing his body closer to Jared's.
Jared stepped away, clapping him on the shoulder with a soft laugh. "Not now, our table is ready. There will be time enough for that later."
Jensen groaned briefly before smiling coyly and taking Jared's hand in his and pulling them together again. Catching Jared's lips in his own, Jensen held tight to his hand to prevent him from pulling away again, giving as heated of a kiss as he could manage. He rolled his hips slowly and pulled way to press a finger to Jared's lips, preventing him from speaking. "I heard you, but there's nothing saying I can't give you a teaser trailer of tonight's action," Jensen mumbled with confidence, hips still rotating slightly as his hand smoothed along Jared's side, inching towards the hem of his pants, sliding between their bodies and cupping Jared's prominent erection. His tall stance and composed attitude slipped away as Jared rutted up into Jensen's palm, head falling back against the wall and his long bangs hiding eyes Jensen knew were closed.
He kissed the jawline Jared exposed as he gripped Jensen's arms, the streets around them--thankfully dark and deserted--forgotten and Jensen knew then that even if he didn't get off, he sure as hell was going to make sure that his boyfriend (soon to be fiancé, he thought excitedly) got off.
When Jared's breath caught and he seemed to stop breathing, Jensen nuzzled into his neck, kissing and biting while Jared slid one hand into his hair to grip tightly, hips stilling the motion he'd been rocking. In a motion quicker than he'd have thought he'd been capable of doing, Jensen snatched his kerchief from his pocket and had Jared's button undone and the cloth down and covering his cock just as he keened and came, fingers tangled in Jensen's short hair.
In a sudden rush if air past his ear, Jared exhaled shakily and inhaled just as quickly, quickly working to get his breathing function-able again. Jensen smiled into the curve of Jared's neck, biting sharply and relishing in the moan it always got him, before carefully detangling his hand from Jared's pants, taking the kerchief with him. "Didn't want to mess your suit," he chuckled.
Jared lifted his head from where he'd reclined it against the wall, and it always made Jensen's heart skip the way that his eyes would be hazey and filled with lust after he came. "Jensen, I--"
"Shh, our table's waiting, remember? Like I said, just a preview for tonight," Jensen smirked, pulling himself away from Jared with an inner groan to the protests his cock made. Readjusting himself, Jensen turned and headed inside with his almost-fiancé beside him, the doors closing out the growing sirens from outside and releasing the inner bustle. "I'm going to go to the bathroom and rinse out my kerchief."
Jensen laughed as Jared blushed right up to his ears, then patted him on the shoulder once before veering off towards the bathroom. As soon as the door flanged shut behind him, he found his nerves becoming twitchy again, crawling along his skin and biting to make him uncomfortable and uncertain. Maybe he was wrong, maybe this really was just an anniversary dinner, maybe he was about to be let down because his expectations were too high.
Jensen leaned on the edge of the sink, hanging his head for a minute before looking up into his reflection. He pushed aside all the murmured chatter from the dining hall, drowned out the buzz of the lights and stared at himself. It was a wonder how he had gotten so far in life, and Jensen knew it was almost all due to Jared. Jensen commonly stared at itself and saw a scared, unsure and skittish kid under his grown up body, still remembered things from what felt like a completely different life. It was Jared who had helped him begin to see the strong man he could be, confident, outgoing and strong.
He wasn't sure if he was ready to turn around and walk out that door to face Jared sitting at a table, waiting, knowing--hoping--that he was about to change their lives forever with a single, 'yes', but he knew he wanted to. He would do anything for Jared.
Splashing water on his face, Jensen patted a towel (not paper towels...but towels) to dry his face and examined himself in the mirror again. He rinsed his kerchief out, and just as he was wringing it out, his phone buzzed. Smiling, he opened up the message from Jared. Stay in the bathroom. He laughed. He knew he was irresistible, but if he stayed in here and Jared joined him, there was no way they'd ever get to dinner. Patting his kerchief dry on the towel, it struck Jensen that everything seemed quieter outside. Frowning, he tucked the cloth into his pocket and shoved the bathroom door open, stepping out into the lounge, and froze.
Jensen wished he could say that the first thing he saw was the previously full tables now empty, or the waiter to the side desperately gesturing to him to Shh and go back, or even the red and blue lights flashing across the room methodically. He wished, but it didn't change the fact that the first thing he saw was Jared, wide eyed at their table, not moving.
Jensen, eyes only for Jared, laughed, because in all honesty, Jensen was picturing everyone in the restaurant in on the proposal and he was about to crack a joke. That joke caught in his throat like a knot when a woman who had been standing in front of Jared turned to face Jensen, his laughter having broken the silence and announcing his presence. Half facing Jensen, he could now see the gun held in her hands, and it was only then that his mind spun back and realized the waiter had been trying to flag him down to leave.
"Along the wall, in the corner!" she barked, gesturing slightly with the barrel of the gun.
Jensen caught Jared's eye, and the look of defeat struck Jensen hard in the chest, but it was the realization of the true meaning behind the text that had him dumbstruck and frozen. Jared had tried to warn him, tried to keep him safe.
"I said, along the wall!" the woman snapped, turning her full attention, and the majority of the gun's attention, on Jensen.
Jensen blinked a couple of times before nodding once, slowly raising his hands in defense--as if they would help.
The next few seconds drew out slowly enough that Jensen saw the flurry of movement outside the windows, saw the officer crash the glass and heave a flash bang inside and how every patron was huddling together and covering their ears in preparation. He saw the startled look on the woman's face as she whirled to see what the crash was barely before the flash went off and Jensen almost had enough time to clench his eyes and cover his ears, but he didn't.
The ringing subsided and Jensen found himself kneeling on the ground, grasping it the best he could because his vision was fucked, but he could vaguely hear the screams of women nearby. He doesn't know how long it took for his vision to clear enough to get details, but as soon as he did, his arms gave out and he was aware of his own voice screaming.
Jared laid on his back on the floor, his chair half pinned under him, staring at Jensen with an emotion Jensen couldn't name. Red pooled out from under him--Jensen refused to name it--and Jensen yelled.
He ignored the other people who were climbing over everything for a chance to get to the door, ignored the officers that were storming the restaurant to grab the woman, ignored the fact that Jared only coughed blood when Jensen finally got ahold of his hand. Jensen could hear himself begging Jared with cliche lines like Stay with me, and Everything's going to be fine, I'm here, he knew he was crying and clutching at him, snapping at anyone who dared bump him or Jared. He knew it, but the numb made everything feel like he was trapped inside his head, only observing and not actually a part of it.
Jensen isn't sure when the ambulance showed up, or how they convinced him to release Jared to get him onto the stretcher, but unlike the cab ride, the ride to the Hospital was the longest of his life. He wasn't a doctor, he didn't know what was going on, but he understood enough that when the medics go from a calm confidence to a forced calm while hurriedly working, to sharing a long look--he knew enough to know that it was bad. Very bad.
----
The flowers were arranged, the slideshow playing, the music drifting through the open air building, and Jensen glared at his reserved seat. There should be no reserved seat, there should be no formality to follow at such an event because the man laying at the front didn't get the chance to organize the formal event that night was meant to be about.
He had come early to the service, wanted some time alone, but now he wasn't sure he wanted anyone to come, he wished that it was just the nature around him, and Jared. He didn't want to get closer to the Snow White-like bed they had set up for the ceremony, he didn't want to move from his perch on a tree stump just to the side. From this angle Jared looked like he was sleeping, resting casually on the bed. Jensen couldn't see his pale face-- the cosmetics were wrong, it didn't do him justice and Jensen didn't want to remember a face someone created, he wanted to remember Jared, his Jared. From here, Jensen could close his eyes and listen to the relaxing music and wind and birds and just....be numb.
When guests (he hated that term--who wants to be invited to a funeral?)--mourners began arriving, Jensen's mom laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything--what was there to say? Come, join us in mourning an amazing man. He could grieve just fine from where he was, but he understood the symbolism and stood taking a ragged breath and folding his hand over hers. Everyone needed to sit together, boxed in around Jared as equals. No one to stand out off to the side because if it was anyone other than himself, he knew what he'd be thinking. Who are you to think you're hurting more than the rest of us? Who are you to be mighty and wordlessly declare that Jared was more important to you than any of us?
So Jensen stood, slowly making his way to the front row of reserved seats. The pouch of his jacket felt heavy, and his throat hurt to think of what he held in it. It always hurt, but there was no way he could part with it, not since Jared's mother had tearfully held the small bag of his personal affects out to him at the Hospital. These belong with you, she had weeped.
He had taken the bag of course, shakily opening it because Jared's mom hovered, as if waiting to see Jensen's reaction. A crumpled paper had lain underneath a small jewelry box and instantly his chest had been tight and his eyes tearing over. He had plucked the box out with trembling fingers, losing composure and bravado with every second that passed.
By the time he actually had the box open, Jared's mother had her hands folding around his, preventing him from dropping the box that shook precariously. "We would be honored to have you as our son-in-law," her voice cracked before she patted his handed once and stood to join her husband, whispering with him.
It hadn't made sense then, her phrasing, but minutes later she returned clinging to her us and with Jensen's own mother and father in tow. She had reached into the bag and pulled the paper free, uncrumpling it for Jensen to see. It had been a marriage license with Jared's signature already on it. He had wanted to yell at the woman for showing this to him--how could this possibly make him feel better??
In the end, strings were pulled through a complicated system of contacts not of his own, and the marriage license was processed as if it had been submitted earlier in the day, and just like that, Jensen became a widower.
He hadn't put the ring on yet, it hadn't felt right, though the box was still heavy in his pocket. He had thought that it would make him hurt more, to be officially considered the husband of the deceased -- only seven people in the world knew that it was legit only through loopholes being exposed -- but it actually helped him feel more at ease. He didn't need to think of the awkward answer when someone asked his relation (should he say boyfriend? Lover? Significant other? Partner?) because he could proudly say husband. There was no denying his right to be with the family, there was no denying an expended mourning period over "just a boyfriend."
The crowd was starting to take their seats, and it was then that Jensen found it was an appropriate time to pay his private respects. He knelt beside Jared's body, taking the box from his pocket and opening it.
Two gold rings shone up at him as if nothing was wrong with the world and Jensen had to fight to keep from flinging the box out into the trees. He wanted both nothing to do with it and to never let it go again. There wasn't anything special about them, plain gold bands, nestled nicely in the black satin.
Jensen snapped the lid closed and curled his fingers around it, resting his forehead against his closed fist in an attempt to control his inevitable breakdown. He reopened the box after a forced breath, and he pulled the rings out, tucking the case away in his coat again. Clenching his jaw in an attempt to keep his chin from quivering, Jensen took the larger ring in hand and slowly reached out to Jared's hand--half expecting him to jump up at any second.
He couldn't tell you if his hand had been cold and dead, or filled with warmth somehow, because all Jensen remembered paying attention to was sliding the ring delicately onto his hand. It was where it belonged, and Jensen needed Jared to know he wouldn't be forgotten and he would always be loved. He couldn't explain it, but the ring would do that.
Trembling, Jensen slid the remaining ring onto his own ring finger, and as the tears won and began cascading down his face, Jensen stood and leaned down, running a hand over the side of Jared's head - as if petting him - and kissed his forehead gently. And because it had been the one Sam and Dean thing that they had been fond of and taken over to their real relationship, he whispered, "Bitch."
Rating: R
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 3,069
Warnings: death!fic, angst
Prompt: Jared and Jensen have been together for years, and Jensen (and his family) is positive tonight is the night Jared will propose. It’s at the restaurant that the unexpected happens, and someone is left to grieve for a dead almost-fiancé. ( Prompt by sasukichan101 at commentfic meme here)
Author's Note: Doesn't follow the prompt exactly, but this is what my head came up with. Unbeta'd. All mistakes and errors are my own.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Mom, enough already!!" Jensen laughed, uselessly batting away the hands desperately straightening out his collar. Truth was, this was exactly what he wanted, he wouldn't have stopped by otherwise. "It's just dinner, Jared and I go out for dinner all the time."
His mother gave him a sideways smile, her eyes shining and she just tsk'd as she pulled on the hem of his coat. "Jensen, let your mother fuss. You know--"
"I know, dad! I am letting her fuss, see how she's completely messing up my hair?" Jensen quipped. "What if we're wrong?" His stomach flipped, making him nauseous suddenly.
His mother patted his shoulders before stepping back, taking Jensen's larger hand in her own. "Jen, sweetheart. You've been together for how many years now?" Jensen didn't interrupt her because he knew full well that she could probably recount exactly how many weeks they'd been together if he asked. "It's a month after your anniversary and the first time he has asked you to dress up for dinner. He's taking you to the Royal Round. He told you to cab because he wanted to order drinks with the meal. Didn't you say he hinted at a hotel later too?" she winked.
Jensen groaned, rolling his eyes. "Mom..." Even still, he was grinning ear to ear. Yeah, all signs pointed to a proposal this evening, and Jensen was so nervous and excited he felt like his skin was buzzing. "I have to go! The cab is waiting, I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"You'd better call tonight, son. I don't want to put up with her yammering all night. No one will get any sleep," his dad joked, but Jensen knew it was his own way of saying that they both wanted to hear the news as soon as possible.
Grinning, Jensen nodded, hugging his mother before fingering the edge of his sleeve in hesitation as he turned towards the door. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out the door and climbed into the cab.
The ride to the restaurant flew by, mostly because Jensen kept doing his best to stare into the mirrors from the backseat to check his hair, fidgeting with his coat or inspecting his shoes for any offending marks. He would have been happy if the ride took him an hour, he felt like he needed to be prepared--though what for or how he couldn't say--and he just knew he wasn't. Climbing out of the cab, Jensen turned to pay, but the driver just smiled and pulled away.
Staring after the cab, Jensen didn't hear Jared sneak up behind him, and as a result jumped when arms circled his waist. "Hey," Jared muttered into his ear.
At the single word, everything melted away and Jensen just felt perfect. Turning in his arms, Jensen caught Jared's lips in his own and lost himself in the way that Jared knew just how to run his tongue along the bottom edge of his lip in a way that had Jensen groaning softly, and instinctively pressing his body closer to Jared's.
Jared stepped away, clapping him on the shoulder with a soft laugh. "Not now, our table is ready. There will be time enough for that later."
Jensen groaned briefly before smiling coyly and taking Jared's hand in his and pulling them together again. Catching Jared's lips in his own, Jensen held tight to his hand to prevent him from pulling away again, giving as heated of a kiss as he could manage. He rolled his hips slowly and pulled way to press a finger to Jared's lips, preventing him from speaking. "I heard you, but there's nothing saying I can't give you a teaser trailer of tonight's action," Jensen mumbled with confidence, hips still rotating slightly as his hand smoothed along Jared's side, inching towards the hem of his pants, sliding between their bodies and cupping Jared's prominent erection. His tall stance and composed attitude slipped away as Jared rutted up into Jensen's palm, head falling back against the wall and his long bangs hiding eyes Jensen knew were closed.
He kissed the jawline Jared exposed as he gripped Jensen's arms, the streets around them--thankfully dark and deserted--forgotten and Jensen knew then that even if he didn't get off, he sure as hell was going to make sure that his boyfriend (soon to be fiancé, he thought excitedly) got off.
When Jared's breath caught and he seemed to stop breathing, Jensen nuzzled into his neck, kissing and biting while Jared slid one hand into his hair to grip tightly, hips stilling the motion he'd been rocking. In a motion quicker than he'd have thought he'd been capable of doing, Jensen snatched his kerchief from his pocket and had Jared's button undone and the cloth down and covering his cock just as he keened and came, fingers tangled in Jensen's short hair.
In a sudden rush if air past his ear, Jared exhaled shakily and inhaled just as quickly, quickly working to get his breathing function-able again. Jensen smiled into the curve of Jared's neck, biting sharply and relishing in the moan it always got him, before carefully detangling his hand from Jared's pants, taking the kerchief with him. "Didn't want to mess your suit," he chuckled.
Jared lifted his head from where he'd reclined it against the wall, and it always made Jensen's heart skip the way that his eyes would be hazey and filled with lust after he came. "Jensen, I--"
"Shh, our table's waiting, remember? Like I said, just a preview for tonight," Jensen smirked, pulling himself away from Jared with an inner groan to the protests his cock made. Readjusting himself, Jensen turned and headed inside with his almost-fiancé beside him, the doors closing out the growing sirens from outside and releasing the inner bustle. "I'm going to go to the bathroom and rinse out my kerchief."
Jensen laughed as Jared blushed right up to his ears, then patted him on the shoulder once before veering off towards the bathroom. As soon as the door flanged shut behind him, he found his nerves becoming twitchy again, crawling along his skin and biting to make him uncomfortable and uncertain. Maybe he was wrong, maybe this really was just an anniversary dinner, maybe he was about to be let down because his expectations were too high.
Jensen leaned on the edge of the sink, hanging his head for a minute before looking up into his reflection. He pushed aside all the murmured chatter from the dining hall, drowned out the buzz of the lights and stared at himself. It was a wonder how he had gotten so far in life, and Jensen knew it was almost all due to Jared. Jensen commonly stared at itself and saw a scared, unsure and skittish kid under his grown up body, still remembered things from what felt like a completely different life. It was Jared who had helped him begin to see the strong man he could be, confident, outgoing and strong.
He wasn't sure if he was ready to turn around and walk out that door to face Jared sitting at a table, waiting, knowing--hoping--that he was about to change their lives forever with a single, 'yes', but he knew he wanted to. He would do anything for Jared.
Splashing water on his face, Jensen patted a towel (not paper towels...but towels) to dry his face and examined himself in the mirror again. He rinsed his kerchief out, and just as he was wringing it out, his phone buzzed. Smiling, he opened up the message from Jared. Stay in the bathroom. He laughed. He knew he was irresistible, but if he stayed in here and Jared joined him, there was no way they'd ever get to dinner. Patting his kerchief dry on the towel, it struck Jensen that everything seemed quieter outside. Frowning, he tucked the cloth into his pocket and shoved the bathroom door open, stepping out into the lounge, and froze.
Jensen wished he could say that the first thing he saw was the previously full tables now empty, or the waiter to the side desperately gesturing to him to Shh and go back, or even the red and blue lights flashing across the room methodically. He wished, but it didn't change the fact that the first thing he saw was Jared, wide eyed at their table, not moving.
Jensen, eyes only for Jared, laughed, because in all honesty, Jensen was picturing everyone in the restaurant in on the proposal and he was about to crack a joke. That joke caught in his throat like a knot when a woman who had been standing in front of Jared turned to face Jensen, his laughter having broken the silence and announcing his presence. Half facing Jensen, he could now see the gun held in her hands, and it was only then that his mind spun back and realized the waiter had been trying to flag him down to leave.
"Along the wall, in the corner!" she barked, gesturing slightly with the barrel of the gun.
Jensen caught Jared's eye, and the look of defeat struck Jensen hard in the chest, but it was the realization of the true meaning behind the text that had him dumbstruck and frozen. Jared had tried to warn him, tried to keep him safe.
"I said, along the wall!" the woman snapped, turning her full attention, and the majority of the gun's attention, on Jensen.
Jensen blinked a couple of times before nodding once, slowly raising his hands in defense--as if they would help.
The next few seconds drew out slowly enough that Jensen saw the flurry of movement outside the windows, saw the officer crash the glass and heave a flash bang inside and how every patron was huddling together and covering their ears in preparation. He saw the startled look on the woman's face as she whirled to see what the crash was barely before the flash went off and Jensen almost had enough time to clench his eyes and cover his ears, but he didn't.
The ringing subsided and Jensen found himself kneeling on the ground, grasping it the best he could because his vision was fucked, but he could vaguely hear the screams of women nearby. He doesn't know how long it took for his vision to clear enough to get details, but as soon as he did, his arms gave out and he was aware of his own voice screaming.
Jared laid on his back on the floor, his chair half pinned under him, staring at Jensen with an emotion Jensen couldn't name. Red pooled out from under him--Jensen refused to name it--and Jensen yelled.
He ignored the other people who were climbing over everything for a chance to get to the door, ignored the officers that were storming the restaurant to grab the woman, ignored the fact that Jared only coughed blood when Jensen finally got ahold of his hand. Jensen could hear himself begging Jared with cliche lines like Stay with me, and Everything's going to be fine, I'm here, he knew he was crying and clutching at him, snapping at anyone who dared bump him or Jared. He knew it, but the numb made everything feel like he was trapped inside his head, only observing and not actually a part of it.
Jensen isn't sure when the ambulance showed up, or how they convinced him to release Jared to get him onto the stretcher, but unlike the cab ride, the ride to the Hospital was the longest of his life. He wasn't a doctor, he didn't know what was going on, but he understood enough that when the medics go from a calm confidence to a forced calm while hurriedly working, to sharing a long look--he knew enough to know that it was bad. Very bad.
----
The flowers were arranged, the slideshow playing, the music drifting through the open air building, and Jensen glared at his reserved seat. There should be no reserved seat, there should be no formality to follow at such an event because the man laying at the front didn't get the chance to organize the formal event that night was meant to be about.
He had come early to the service, wanted some time alone, but now he wasn't sure he wanted anyone to come, he wished that it was just the nature around him, and Jared. He didn't want to get closer to the Snow White-like bed they had set up for the ceremony, he didn't want to move from his perch on a tree stump just to the side. From this angle Jared looked like he was sleeping, resting casually on the bed. Jensen couldn't see his pale face-- the cosmetics were wrong, it didn't do him justice and Jensen didn't want to remember a face someone created, he wanted to remember Jared, his Jared. From here, Jensen could close his eyes and listen to the relaxing music and wind and birds and just....be numb.
When guests (he hated that term--who wants to be invited to a funeral?)--mourners began arriving, Jensen's mom laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. She didn't say anything--what was there to say? Come, join us in mourning an amazing man. He could grieve just fine from where he was, but he understood the symbolism and stood taking a ragged breath and folding his hand over hers. Everyone needed to sit together, boxed in around Jared as equals. No one to stand out off to the side because if it was anyone other than himself, he knew what he'd be thinking. Who are you to think you're hurting more than the rest of us? Who are you to be mighty and wordlessly declare that Jared was more important to you than any of us?
So Jensen stood, slowly making his way to the front row of reserved seats. The pouch of his jacket felt heavy, and his throat hurt to think of what he held in it. It always hurt, but there was no way he could part with it, not since Jared's mother had tearfully held the small bag of his personal affects out to him at the Hospital. These belong with you, she had weeped.
He had taken the bag of course, shakily opening it because Jared's mom hovered, as if waiting to see Jensen's reaction. A crumpled paper had lain underneath a small jewelry box and instantly his chest had been tight and his eyes tearing over. He had plucked the box out with trembling fingers, losing composure and bravado with every second that passed.
By the time he actually had the box open, Jared's mother had her hands folding around his, preventing him from dropping the box that shook precariously. "We would be honored to have you as our son-in-law," her voice cracked before she patted his handed once and stood to join her husband, whispering with him.
It hadn't made sense then, her phrasing, but minutes later she returned clinging to her us and with Jensen's own mother and father in tow. She had reached into the bag and pulled the paper free, uncrumpling it for Jensen to see. It had been a marriage license with Jared's signature already on it. He had wanted to yell at the woman for showing this to him--how could this possibly make him feel better??
In the end, strings were pulled through a complicated system of contacts not of his own, and the marriage license was processed as if it had been submitted earlier in the day, and just like that, Jensen became a widower.
He hadn't put the ring on yet, it hadn't felt right, though the box was still heavy in his pocket. He had thought that it would make him hurt more, to be officially considered the husband of the deceased -- only seven people in the world knew that it was legit only through loopholes being exposed -- but it actually helped him feel more at ease. He didn't need to think of the awkward answer when someone asked his relation (should he say boyfriend? Lover? Significant other? Partner?) because he could proudly say husband. There was no denying his right to be with the family, there was no denying an expended mourning period over "just a boyfriend."
The crowd was starting to take their seats, and it was then that Jensen found it was an appropriate time to pay his private respects. He knelt beside Jared's body, taking the box from his pocket and opening it.
Two gold rings shone up at him as if nothing was wrong with the world and Jensen had to fight to keep from flinging the box out into the trees. He wanted both nothing to do with it and to never let it go again. There wasn't anything special about them, plain gold bands, nestled nicely in the black satin.
Jensen snapped the lid closed and curled his fingers around it, resting his forehead against his closed fist in an attempt to control his inevitable breakdown. He reopened the box after a forced breath, and he pulled the rings out, tucking the case away in his coat again. Clenching his jaw in an attempt to keep his chin from quivering, Jensen took the larger ring in hand and slowly reached out to Jared's hand--half expecting him to jump up at any second.
He couldn't tell you if his hand had been cold and dead, or filled with warmth somehow, because all Jensen remembered paying attention to was sliding the ring delicately onto his hand. It was where it belonged, and Jensen needed Jared to know he wouldn't be forgotten and he would always be loved. He couldn't explain it, but the ring would do that.
Trembling, Jensen slid the remaining ring onto his own ring finger, and as the tears won and began cascading down his face, Jensen stood and leaned down, running a hand over the side of Jared's head - as if petting him - and kissed his forehead gently. And because it had been the one Sam and Dean thing that they had been fond of and taken over to their real relationship, he whispered, "Bitch."