(Untitled)

[gwendolyn_]

Today was the "Authors Tea" at Nic's school. All the children had written books and this was a chance for them to stand up in front of a mic and read them to us. One of the boys in his class wrote his book about money (which I thought was kind if funny). Nic's was about Dinosaurs (of course). He got up to the mic, smiled, read his book, showed

Comments

[darkengobot]

"Well, he's the one who is losing out and when the boys get older they'll realize all of this".

Not really. He's not missing out on anything. He's doing what he wants to do, because he's selfish. Later in life, when he realizes that he missed out on the formative years of their life and wants to try to "patch things up", it won't be for any other reason than that he's still selfish.

It's bullshit that he can't make it to his kids' functions. You know that already, but I thought I'd toss in some proof. My dad never missed any stupid ass recital, soccer game, baseball game, or swim meet. And, he had four kids, all over-scheduled hyper-acheivers. To top it off, he was running a very demanding business. How did he achieve this seeming miracle? Just hard fucking work and sacrifices I can't even imagine.

Me, I wouldn't try too hard to get this schlub to show up for anything. Divorce is hard on kids. Not living with two parents is hard on kids. Getting a male point-of-view from a selfish, no good son-of-a-bitch is worse. Better, I think, that they think of a no-show dad as the kind of man that makes mommy cry than to think it's normal. Just my opinion.

[gwendolyn_]

I agree, darken. The problem is mommy doesn't cry, the children cry and mommy gets angry. I think I need to start communicating a bit better to them about why I get so mad at him. They think I'm just mad at him cause I hate him for whatever reason they don't know. Maybe it's time they know a little bit of why I get angry at him.

Tonight nic got all mad at me for making him shut his tv off at bedtime. He said "I'm gonna call dad tomorrow and tell him you're evil". The conversation went as follows"

Me: I'm not evil
Nic: yes you are, dad is better
Me: who takes you wher you need to go
nic: mom
Me: who helps you with homework, cares for you when you're sick, let's you have sleep overs, plays games with you, is always there when you need something.
Nic: mom
Me: who comes to school every wednesday and helps you and the other children pick out library books, goes on your field trips with you, has lunch at school with you
Nic: mom

I need to get something across to him in a subtle way without slamming dad. A reminder of some sort?...I guess.

[henwy]

If that fails just beat it out of him. If that fails just drop him on his dad's doorstep one day.

[darkengobot]

Dad probably is better. He probably lets them do whatever they want because it makes him feel better about himself. He gets to be the "cool dad". (Of course, that's not being the "cool dad", it's being a shitty parent.)

I dunno. If they were younger, I'd say move away, make it harder for him to engage is crappy parenting.

I'm sure you know that you'll be the horrid wicked old witch until the boys reach 25 or so, when their life starts to be run by their brain instead of their ego.