(no subject)
I feel like I don't fit anywhere.
Like I'm forever so out of place it sucks.
That my existence is always secondary to another.
I dont particularly enjoy blogging since its long and tedious
but i shall just rant here since twitter which used to be my hideout
is now exposed to too many people i know in real life
who I want to unfollow but can't since it will be awkward if we meet so.
I was eating dinner with my batchmates
and they were like all laughing and talking except me.
It struck me that my batch is extremely cliquey since there is like twenty over of us.
And the thing is I don't have a fixed clique,
I move around among a few which is
probably why I end up being not particularly close with any
except g so when she wasn't there
I have nobody else to talk to, okay enjoy talking to
gosh and it has been four years
I'm such a failure.
The awkward moment when you feel closer to
npcc batch than your own batchmates.
Rewinding back to my birthday
I was quite bored and disappointed.
It ended up being just another normal day,
what was I expecting?
So my bestestest friend j was busy
and I haven't seen her in ages,
blame the fact that we're in different schools.
Then from my lower sec clique,
its d's bday too and she invited me to her bbq
but I feel awkward since its her party,
she should be the star I shouldn't be there to leech off so.
And then a went to d's bbq so guess who's alone?
Okay then my upper sec clique,
thank you musical, for time and time again taking them away from me.
There was this period in june hols when they were discussing musical
and I don't understand a thing so I felt really left out.
And now because of rehearsals they can't hang out with me either.
Then again though, I feel like this extra fourth wheel in their triangle relationship
since z and x are close then k who I feel closest to started crushing on x.
See how I fit in in this equation? Nowhere.
So I ended up just lazing around with my cheer clique then teaparty before cheer.
Its not that I didn't enjoy myself but more of we do this every wednesday
and I had wanted something different for my birthday but oh well.
Still I detest m and when they talk gym, I am left out again.
Bleh should have insisted more on joining gym in sec1.
I've learnt early that the world doesn't revolves around me despite my fervant dislike.
In fact the whole day I was only glad on two accounts.
First when super awesome n brought me a cake even if she doesn't have to.
She's so nice, what's with her long cool wishes she stayed up to twelve to wish me.
Secondly e, who offered to hang out with me after school
when I was being lonely, emo and pathetic.
But she was probably with her batchmates so I don't want to join and be extra once again.
My own batchmates have musical too and g didn't even come to school so.
How about my family? Parents both working till evening when I have cheer so.
Eighteen days to tryouts.
Reason why I am so hardworking to go on my birthday.
I really really want to get on the team,
but I want to be chosen because I am good enough,
not because I'm the only decent choice left.
So I am like training hard but results aren't showing.
Where's my roundoff and frontwalk omg.
And my jumps need work too.
And my nonexistent abs.
It hurts to suck in something you've passion for.
What's up with my life?
Its so kickass bitchy I don't even.
Like I'm forever so out of place it sucks.
That my existence is always secondary to another.
I dont particularly enjoy blogging since its long and tedious
but i shall just rant here since twitter which used to be my hideout
is now exposed to too many people i know in real life
who I want to unfollow but can't since it will be awkward if we meet so.
I was eating dinner with my batchmates
and they were like all laughing and talking except me.
It struck me that my batch is extremely cliquey since there is like twenty over of us.
And the thing is I don't have a fixed clique,
I move around among a few which is
probably why I end up being not particularly close with any
except g so when she wasn't there
I have nobody else to talk to, okay enjoy talking to
gosh and it has been four years
I'm such a failure.
The awkward moment when you feel closer to
npcc batch than your own batchmates.
Rewinding back to my birthday
I was quite bored and disappointed.
It ended up being just another normal day,
what was I expecting?
So my bestestest friend j was busy
and I haven't seen her in ages,
blame the fact that we're in different schools.
Then from my lower sec clique,
its d's bday too and she invited me to her bbq
but I feel awkward since its her party,
she should be the star I shouldn't be there to leech off so.
And then a went to d's bbq so guess who's alone?
Okay then my upper sec clique,
thank you musical, for time and time again taking them away from me.
There was this period in june hols when they were discussing musical
and I don't understand a thing so I felt really left out.
And now because of rehearsals they can't hang out with me either.
Then again though, I feel like this extra fourth wheel in their triangle relationship
since z and x are close then k who I feel closest to started crushing on x.
See how I fit in in this equation? Nowhere.
So I ended up just lazing around with my cheer clique then teaparty before cheer.
Its not that I didn't enjoy myself but more of we do this every wednesday
and I had wanted something different for my birthday but oh well.
Still I detest m and when they talk gym, I am left out again.
Bleh should have insisted more on joining gym in sec1.
I've learnt early that the world doesn't revolves around me despite my fervant dislike.
In fact the whole day I was only glad on two accounts.
First when super awesome n brought me a cake even if she doesn't have to.
She's so nice, what's with her long cool wishes she stayed up to twelve to wish me.
Secondly e, who offered to hang out with me after school
when I was being lonely, emo and pathetic.
But she was probably with her batchmates so I don't want to join and be extra once again.
My own batchmates have musical too and g didn't even come to school so.
How about my family? Parents both working till evening when I have cheer so.
Eighteen days to tryouts.
Reason why I am so hardworking to go on my birthday.
I really really want to get on the team,
but I want to be chosen because I am good enough,
not because I'm the only decent choice left.
So I am like training hard but results aren't showing.
Where's my roundoff and frontwalk omg.
And my jumps need work too.
And my nonexistent abs.
It hurts to suck in something you've passion for.
What's up with my life?
Its so kickass bitchy I don't even.