priorities
I have been thinking alot about priorities. In my exploration of this I have been observing different people and their time management. It seem to me, there are a lot of ways to invest your energy. Some do it in friends, some in play, some in study, some in personal passions, some in finding a mate, some in the mate they have, or the object of ones interest. I am facinated by people and their ways of persuing thier interests and the things they are willing to sacrifice in order to obtain the satisfaction of this priority need. If we do not watch closely, what we assume is the priority for sex is actually security or power. The pursuit of fashion is the persuit of self expression, art, individuality or need for attention.
Time is managed to accomodate for these things. Some things are put off to the side to accomodate those associated activities, objects, or people that will further the development of that priority or fullfill the drive. If we bother to really get to know people and their priorities we can come to an understanding of where we are placed in relation to that drive, and choose whether or not our priorities clash,..and whether or not time should be invested. It's nt as simple in adult relationships to base compatibility on personality. Two people can be fully compatible in personality, but their priorities keep them as friends, or as lovers,..or even end the relationship all together.
I have to ask what is my priorities? What is it i willingly and eagerly sacrifice money, time, uncomfortability and effort for? Well,..i would have to say it is for my friends, for my lovers and for my writing (as incoherant as the last one is) The core of this may be not just my friends but my overwhelming need for love and acceptance,..may be it is all selfishly driven, but all of our priorities are.
It is sad to me that people can't compromise in order to accomodate good things that are repeatedly introduced in their life. I am afraid that is what is happening in mine. While I am passing my classes, i am not doing nearly as well as i know i can. Some people who have a better understanding of how important school and money is would think that my priorities are all messed up, and may be they are, but I refuse to see anyting as the end all be all. Heh,..may be i should take my own advice,..ad adjust my priorities with the inner beings of my body. I often find myself counseling others in the need for them to take care of themselves because it helps us to learn how to take care of others. I would not want anyone to sacrifice their dreams to accomodate me. I have dreams beyond my friends and lovers,...may be i should accomodate those desires and re-evaluate my priorities.
It is just hard when i am lonely,...and frankly,..i am feeling lonely.
Heh,..may be i am just not keeping myself busy enough.
The other thing i have noticed as a part of being an adult. The turn toward not indulging in fantacy anymore. I won't allow myself opportunities to fantacize about people i know or i am attracted to. It feels wrong, and like i am setting myself up for failure. This may be my Eastern Religions influence too, but i have foud myself saying i cannot afford fantacy.
Life has become buisness for me. I still can't figure out if i am starting to walk a sadder less fulfilling path which ends in bitterness and resentment,..or one of truth and practicality that offers a broadening of understanding by not muddling the path with drama and misunderstandings. I am getting much better at becoming less dramatic and needy.
I have one final test of this needyness. He is going to be a whopper for me. In the face of my desire, I also see his, and while i hesitate, and seek a way to approach him in a comfortable and non-threatening way, i cant help but realize that we are compatible in many ways but in our priorities. Again,..i would not ask someone to sacrifice their passion t accomodate my need. Because I have come to respect and care for him,..i will bow out without incident or demonstrated frustration. To do that would dishonor what i feel my heart and soul recognizes as my kindred and as a good and worthy human being. Even at the sacrifice of my dreams, which i should not indulge in, becuase I have become too old, and my eyes too wide to justify investing in them anymore.
Gwennies top 5 priorities:
1) Finishing school (learning in general)
2) Learn french
3) Friends
4) Wholistic health
5) Art (fine arts, music, drama, ect....)
I am sure these will change, and i am ok with that. For now,..i will remain pressent with them.
I pray you are all well.
Gwen
Time is managed to accomodate for these things. Some things are put off to the side to accomodate those associated activities, objects, or people that will further the development of that priority or fullfill the drive. If we bother to really get to know people and their priorities we can come to an understanding of where we are placed in relation to that drive, and choose whether or not our priorities clash,..and whether or not time should be invested. It's nt as simple in adult relationships to base compatibility on personality. Two people can be fully compatible in personality, but their priorities keep them as friends, or as lovers,..or even end the relationship all together.
I have to ask what is my priorities? What is it i willingly and eagerly sacrifice money, time, uncomfortability and effort for? Well,..i would have to say it is for my friends, for my lovers and for my writing (as incoherant as the last one is) The core of this may be not just my friends but my overwhelming need for love and acceptance,..may be it is all selfishly driven, but all of our priorities are.
It is sad to me that people can't compromise in order to accomodate good things that are repeatedly introduced in their life. I am afraid that is what is happening in mine. While I am passing my classes, i am not doing nearly as well as i know i can. Some people who have a better understanding of how important school and money is would think that my priorities are all messed up, and may be they are, but I refuse to see anyting as the end all be all. Heh,..may be i should take my own advice,..ad adjust my priorities with the inner beings of my body. I often find myself counseling others in the need for them to take care of themselves because it helps us to learn how to take care of others. I would not want anyone to sacrifice their dreams to accomodate me. I have dreams beyond my friends and lovers,...may be i should accomodate those desires and re-evaluate my priorities.
It is just hard when i am lonely,...and frankly,..i am feeling lonely.
Heh,..may be i am just not keeping myself busy enough.
The other thing i have noticed as a part of being an adult. The turn toward not indulging in fantacy anymore. I won't allow myself opportunities to fantacize about people i know or i am attracted to. It feels wrong, and like i am setting myself up for failure. This may be my Eastern Religions influence too, but i have foud myself saying i cannot afford fantacy.
Life has become buisness for me. I still can't figure out if i am starting to walk a sadder less fulfilling path which ends in bitterness and resentment,..or one of truth and practicality that offers a broadening of understanding by not muddling the path with drama and misunderstandings. I am getting much better at becoming less dramatic and needy.
I have one final test of this needyness. He is going to be a whopper for me. In the face of my desire, I also see his, and while i hesitate, and seek a way to approach him in a comfortable and non-threatening way, i cant help but realize that we are compatible in many ways but in our priorities. Again,..i would not ask someone to sacrifice their passion t accomodate my need. Because I have come to respect and care for him,..i will bow out without incident or demonstrated frustration. To do that would dishonor what i feel my heart and soul recognizes as my kindred and as a good and worthy human being. Even at the sacrifice of my dreams, which i should not indulge in, becuase I have become too old, and my eyes too wide to justify investing in them anymore.
Gwennies top 5 priorities:
1) Finishing school (learning in general)
2) Learn french
3) Friends
4) Wholistic health
5) Art (fine arts, music, drama, ect....)
I am sure these will change, and i am ok with that. For now,..i will remain pressent with them.
I pray you are all well.
Gwen