Today sucks; today really really really sucks
6:00am my alarm goes off, I press snooze 6:42 am I wake up to realize that no, i didn't press snooze I simply turned it off. This should have been the tip off that I shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning.
I run around the house and get my things together, and leave, to go to work and take Bruce to school.
Bruce calls me about an hour later to tell me he can't get a leave of abcence from the school because its for a job and not for medical purposes. He's upset. I'm trying to figure out what to do. I can't. Best I can do is tell him that we will come up with something. We get off the phone.
I do some quick math. And I can take part of his rent. Which puts me up to like, 3 something per month, but whatever, we'll figure things out. I haven't told him this yet, I need to see what Job I get first.
I go back to working. Mary lou comes in and we discuss the new addition to the project that I'm working on (its a new one folks, just as boring as the last one). Tells me that she wants me to in put it in a file in the computer, right? Ok, that's cool, I can do that. Well I make up a new set of computer files for it, only to find out she wants me to append it to the Master file. So I got to figure out how to make a new colum in word perfect. Fun stuff. Then I ask her to pay me (I sent it to her in an e-mail with my hours) and she seems really pist that I'm asking her to pay me. I fucking hate it when she does that.
On top of that I haven't heard from Yan, I haven't heard from Lara's mom. I'm not even sure if the info which Lara needed to send to Yan has gotten to her yet. So I might be shit out of luck on 200 dollars that I gave up to him because I figured that everyone else would make sure to get their shit in order on time. Only they haven't. So I'm forking up an extra 200 to pay for Bruce's part of moving in costs which he will pay me back asap. And Lara should have asked her mom yesterday if they would help with the other 200 which they will get back in three weeks once I get paid again.
I think I'm going to scream or cry or something. Or maybe just kill someone. I thought i would feel better once i knew my credit was clean only I don't cause I don't know if we're getting the fucking place whatsoever. And I mean that's fine for me and Bruce, we don't mind being with my mom a little longer, but it fucks Lara over. But I'm kind of in an "its her own damn fault" kind of camp. I shouldn't have had to do all of this. If anyone has missed this let me inform you: I can't arrange the fucking world. Hi! I'm illogical, unreasonable and scatterbrained.
KILL ME PLEASE SOMEONE ANYONE KILL ME END MY SUFFERING AND STRESS!!!
If I don't stop being like this I'm goign to have a heart attack before I'm 25 I can assure you. That will suck. And I'm going to have high blood pressure, just like my dad.............
once again I beg the listening/reading audience
KILL ME I SWEAR IT WILL BE AN ACT OF MERCY!!!!
And I'm not really mad at anyone, I'm really really really not. I just feel like there's this weight of the world thing going on, and now with Bruce not being able to be in school, its like nothing is working for us at all. I don't know if we're going to get this place, and if we can't fuck this shit, fuck it all I'm fucking moving to Bermuda cause no one would fucking miss me, I'm disapearing one night and never coming back.
No I couldn't do that to Bruce.
Fuck me, someone kill me, please.
"Someone save me! Someone take me away from this awful place!" Sarah, Labryinth
*G*