I decided to write a little before getting ready for work.
Today may be a good one, seems like it's going to get almost as hot, maybe hotter. I hope not, I am going to ride my bike to work again and I don't want to sweat too much. I like spring a lot, almost as much as winter but I just don't like the heat at all. Summer will come again in about 4 months so I'm not excited about that. I realized that even when I'm with someone, it seems like I think on my own a lot. I had a dream that I had a baby with my boyfriend and that her name was Jenifer (god forbid....i hate that name)...it was kind of amazing feeling. She was probably about 2 or 3 in my dream so she knew some words and had bright blue eyes and really light blonde hair. She looked a lot like me when i was that age. It made me want one kind of but at the same time the dream changed and got all weird so I stopped wanting one. That's ok though.
I thought about life and how all of us go through it wondering in a year from that time where we'll be. Everyone after highschool wants to go to college...but not me, I move out and get a job. I didn't want to go to college so it made sense. I almost quit my job but stayed (several times) and now I got promoted and feel a lot happier. It is a little stressful because you have a bunch of people come at you but other than that I like it better than what I was doing. It sucks though because I'm not losing any weight doing this new position. Before I did enough to be able to eat almost anything I wanted and either maintain my weight or lose a little.
years from now I certainly don't want to still be working here, I'd rather have my license in make up or be a photographer or pharmacist although they don't make a lot more money than I do, well maybe twice what I make but that still isn't much for modern day living. Training a dog is a lot like training a baby human. It takes a lot of patience but no matter what, even though you have lots of friends telling you how to do it and blah blah blah, you still end up doing it you own way. I want us all to move out of this house soon because I really think it is hurting us. No one here is really happy. I would like to move to washington or europe. I want to travel and get out of here but it almost seems impossible to leave. Everyone holds this big grudge against simi. It is the same shit that goes on here that goes on everywhere in this country. They just think it's special here but news flash it goes on everywhere there are people. This place isn't that different. All the bad things that occur in a teenagers life occured here for them so that is their reason for hating this place. I don't like this place very much either but I don't hate the city it's self, I just hate the people in it.
Believe it or not, there are good people in this town, not many but they do exist and I have met some of them, and I have met some I'd rather never lay eyes on again.
Everyone draws their own conclusion about what they want at one point regardless of its leaving this town or getting a job, or doing drugs. I think it's stupid to run away from your problems rather than fight them for a better living someday. I think drugs are a way to run away from your problems as well. My whole family other than my sister and me at the time were on drugs and look what it did to them. They all hate each other, got divorced, and moved to different states. I smoked pot for a little while when I was in highschool BUT by the time I was a junior I moved on because I realized I was only doing because I thought I had to. I'm not trying to be the good person and pretend that I really care about everyone that is doing drugs and that I personally want to stop them. I feel that that is something you as a human are supposed to do on your own someday. I ain't your fuckin mommy. I hate seeing the people I was once closest to in such bad situations. It makes me really question my judgement about why I concidered them a friend in the first place.
I also realized how much I do hate people. I refuse to hang out with people that are still my friend just because I don't feel like leaving or seeing them. I don't try to really make friends because I think ahead and think about how someday they'll just end up letting me down. I lead myself to destruction in that department. well moms restless so I'm going to stop now. bye bye
I thought about life and how all of us go through it wondering in a year from that time where we'll be. Everyone after highschool wants to go to college...but not me, I move out and get a job. I didn't want to go to college so it made sense. I almost quit my job but stayed (several times) and now I got promoted and feel a lot happier. It is a little stressful because you have a bunch of people come at you but other than that I like it better than what I was doing. It sucks though because I'm not losing any weight doing this new position. Before I did enough to be able to eat almost anything I wanted and either maintain my weight or lose a little.
years from now I certainly don't want to still be working here, I'd rather have my license in make up or be a photographer or pharmacist although they don't make a lot more money than I do, well maybe twice what I make but that still isn't much for modern day living. Training a dog is a lot like training a baby human. It takes a lot of patience but no matter what, even though you have lots of friends telling you how to do it and blah blah blah, you still end up doing it you own way. I want us all to move out of this house soon because I really think it is hurting us. No one here is really happy. I would like to move to washington or europe. I want to travel and get out of here but it almost seems impossible to leave. Everyone holds this big grudge against simi. It is the same shit that goes on here that goes on everywhere in this country. They just think it's special here but news flash it goes on everywhere there are people. This place isn't that different. All the bad things that occur in a teenagers life occured here for them so that is their reason for hating this place. I don't like this place very much either but I don't hate the city it's self, I just hate the people in it.
Believe it or not, there are good people in this town, not many but they do exist and I have met some of them, and I have met some I'd rather never lay eyes on again.
Everyone draws their own conclusion about what they want at one point regardless of its leaving this town or getting a job, or doing drugs. I think it's stupid to run away from your problems rather than fight them for a better living someday. I think drugs are a way to run away from your problems as well. My whole family other than my sister and me at the time were on drugs and look what it did to them. They all hate each other, got divorced, and moved to different states. I smoked pot for a little while when I was in highschool BUT by the time I was a junior I moved on because I realized I was only doing because I thought I had to. I'm not trying to be the good person and pretend that I really care about everyone that is doing drugs and that I personally want to stop them. I feel that that is something you as a human are supposed to do on your own someday. I ain't your fuckin mommy. I hate seeing the people I was once closest to in such bad situations. It makes me really question my judgement about why I concidered them a friend in the first place.
I also realized how much I do hate people. I refuse to hang out with people that are still my friend just because I don't feel like leaving or seeing them. I don't try to really make friends because I think ahead and think about how someday they'll just end up letting me down. I lead myself to destruction in that department. well moms restless so I'm going to stop now. bye bye