Help? :X

[gweenmeanie]

So after having written an essay, filled out an application, and obtaining three letters of recommendation for my study abroad application, last week I was sent yet ANOTHER application, this time directed to Waseda University. Among other things I had to do, there was an essay in which I was to "Explain my academic objectives and the academic

Comments

I gave it a go.

[shiiniigamii]

I copied it into Word and edited it there. Do you want me to e-mail it to you or just copy it here?

Re: I gave it a go.

[gweenmeanie]

Jusr copy it hwere prease :3

Re: I gave it a go.

[shiiniigamii]

Er...here. Overall, I thought it was pretty good, but there were sections where it was worded awkwardly--not grammatically incorrect, but it still didn't sound quite right.

And if you're aiming for a proper essay format...well...I found it kind of lacking here.

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I am an illustrator--a visual storyteller (nice phrase). It is my hope that my work will somehow be able to impact my audience both emotionally and philosophically (at the end of the sentence you sound confident that you can impact your audience-you didn’t say future audience, which means you’re sure you’ve got one now. But using somehow in the middle of the sentence sounds uncertain, so maybe you could exchange somehow for a more concrete word instead.). I was probably only three years of age when I first watched the Hayao Miyazaki film, Tenkuu no Shiro: Laputa, but even to this day I still marvel at the creativity and effort that was put into the production; the film is still one of my favorites. It is through Miyazaki's work, along with the creations of the

Re: I gave it a go.

[shiiniigamii]

However, I do not plan for my studies to be restricted to on-campus activities. Because it is from Japan where many of my most admired work (again-awkward sounding. You could try rephrasing it as “where much of the work I admire most” or something else.) originates, as an artist, I hope to absorb the drawing methods (techniques might sound better instead) that have developed from the culture and adapt them to (“for” might sound better here.) my own projects. Furthermore, I plan to obtain some valuable knowledge of the Japanese comics industry and possibly gain contact with the (“the” is not really necessary in this case) professionals in that field (be specific about which field), perhaps even find an opportunity to intern with a Japanese publishing house. Regardless, the chance to submerse myself (this is a good sounding phrase, too) in an entirely new culture and environment will provide me with ample inspiration to further improve my art. I have lived in a quiet suburban area for most of my life, where each day is as predictable

Re: I gave it a go.

[shiiniigamii]

I intend to make many acquaintances with the natives during my stay in Japan, communicating with them and learning about their day-to-day lives, and maybe get a glimpse of their personality and psyche (Sounds pretentious; try a different word) through their actions and words. In addition to that, I also plan on enrolling in the classes offered in the subjects of Cultural Anthropology. I believe that going from one side of the spectrum to the other--from America to Japan--will give me a solid foundation for my understanding of different cultures, so that I will be able to write more realistic, multi-dimensional characters and settings in my stories. (Transition