(no subject)

[gwasp27]

…I hate that I recorded his voicemail message for him -  I hate that he hasn’t  changed it - I hate that he’s all I can think about - I hate that I see him everyday - I hate that he can walk away - I hate that I cannot - I hate that he is perfectly fine - I hate that I need him - I hate that he hasn’t looked at me - I hate that he’s indifferent while im hateful…

yet

*when im alone with him
e v e r y t h i n g  changes*

this is why I wont be alone with him again, not even to talk this through…

I don’t understand

I thought I was through trying to understand

I should be through trying to understand

He has got his claws in me

and I need them to be out

I can’t let me go back to him

I need him to be civil at school

we can stop calling every night and stop going out and stop hooking up

but I can’t stop us

all together

there is no us anymore but

I need for there to be some kind of correspondence left

I can’t just chalk him up to life experience…

…not yet

“pardon me while I b U r S t”

to all of you who read this journal for fun, I am sorry it has not been more entertaining lately. Welcome to my mind at 12.22 a.m. I am trying to get back to good. Give me time…

"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of which has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away"