Got Milk?
Got Milk?
Pair: psycho!Duo, Trowa
Warning: umm... everything, but most especially DISTURBING. That bit about the spiders makes me itch. (Doh! Did I say spiders?!)
Note: For the latest prompt table about milk at gw_dark. Sequel to Sleep Tight, but this can be read as a stand-alone.
Yes, I was wide awake, and I thought, "Wow, since I'm being totally useless with all these fics I actually do owe people, why not write another one that isn't any of those?" Hee! And thus, my second ever dialog fic was born. :D Um... after this... I probably won't be sleeping at all. Waaaaaaaaah! *rocks back and forth in a traumatized fashion*
"You're eating cereal without milk, Trowa."
"So I see."
"So you're lactose intolerant, then?"
"Obviously."
"Did you know that anyone who can actually drink milk is the one with the mutation?"
"Duo, will you please shut the hell up?"
"Bite me. Back in the Stone Age when you were born and dinosaurs roamed the Earth, everyone was lactose intolerant. If you notice, it's not natural to suck on tits after you start walking. Should be a hint and all."
"Could you be any more vulgar?"
"No. See, it started back in the Middle Ages--and trust me, that was vulgar. All those Brits in England were peasant folk suffering under the rule of some very nasty evil overlord, and everyone was starving."
"Interesting. Tell me more."
"Nobody likes sarcasm, Trowa. Anyway, these poor people were starving while the fat fucking slob on his throne had prime chow. So they took the cow's milk from their cattle and used it for drink. It was part of how they survived the era without every living soul starving to death."
"How come they didn't just drink water?"
"The water was dirty, you dick, and it made everyone sick. Diseases run rampant in those conditions, trust me. Couldn't drink water back home either, it was beer, milk, juice, anything else--rather die thirsty than go out with bugs crawling out of my belly. Ever seen that? They're real, you know, like that fucking Alien movie. Parts of Africa, drink water that's got the right eggs in it, and you wake up later with things eating it's way out of your fucking stomach. They got on L2 through a transport a while back, saw a kid go out that way. , Ugh, the screaming! God, I had to shoot the little bastard in the forehead to shut him the fuck up so I could my beauty sleep! The things kept on burrowing right out of him, too, they were like these little black spiders, squirming around his blood... talk about yuck!"
"Duo... I'm eating."
"Had to pull them out and stomp on them. One nearly bit me, but didn't, thank Christ. Fairly sure that's how they lay their eggs. So, no, you don't drink the water, moron. Besides, it's fucking stagnant."
"Rather drink the water than the milk."
"Milk tastes better, and it has some nutritional value. Water doesn't."
"Milk tastes like watery spunk, Duo. I think I'd rather have bugs crawl out of me."
"And I'm disgusting? You are such a fucking liar!"
"On with the story..."
"Yes, anyway, those that didn't die from drinking the milk back during the Middle Ages (because everyone was lactose intolerant, remember), mutated. Nature's like that, you know? Things mutate when the environment changes, and children were born with the ability to drink milk without all that nasty my-stomach-wants-to-crawl-out-of-my-body side affects. Some cats are the same way, that's why they can drink milk too. So really, when you think about it, you're just some freak who bypassed the system. Maybe you're related to that fucktard who sat on his comfy throne while everyone else was starving to death."
"Don't be an idiot. Not everyone came from the peasantry of England."
"I bet you were. I bet you were related to some fat fucking slob who--"
"Duo. Where'd you get that knife? Put it down."
"I could show you. Help you. Make it so you won't be lactose intolerant anymore."
"Duo, I'm warning you--ah! What the--"
"Oh no you don't. You aren't hitting me again, Rocky."
"What the hell... did you... in-inject... me..."
"Doesn't feel so good to be the man now, does it fucker? Whoopsie daisy, no swinging at me, you'll only make yourself more dizzy."
"Was... th-that a... n-needle?"
"Ja, Comrade Barton. Was a bit of a mixture from the shit I used to drug Heero before. Figured I needed a bigger punch this time."
"You..."
"Awww. Don't look so hurt, baby. This is for the both of us, you know?"
"D-D..."
"What? What's that? Sorry, I can't understand a stutter you're mumbling. There, there, don't worry. It's okay. It's all better now... just close your eyes... rockabye baby... falling from the treetop... yes. Perfect."
**
"What... the fuck..."
"Oh! Morning! Or, late afternoon now. Sorry to spoil your breakfast back there, I really didn't plan this overly much, but after that little revelation about the milk... oh don't look at me like that, I always keep a needle of sedative in my pocket, never know when you run into someone in need of emergency surgery."
"Emerg... what did you do?"
"I took a kidney."
"What?"
"Well, I can sell it! They're useful, you know? Knew a whore back home who needed a kidney and had to get her blood cleaned every week. Had to stop going because she couldn't afford it and she died all yellow looking. It was disgusting. So I did you a good deed."
"You..."
"Took out a kidney. Yeah. You weren't using it anyway, Trowa, don't be such a bastard. Besides, I can sell it for supplies."
"You..."
"Oh, if I didn't need your fucking mouth I'd tape it. You're such a fucking--here. Let's put these in."
"Wha--uh! Darh?!"
"Got them from this dentist in Texas back in the states. Aren't they neat? Nice fellow, had the most amazing fingers..."
"Warumph!"
"Sh-sh-shh... there. All set and cozy. Got you all secure too. Don't bother trying to squeeze out of those ropes, I'm really good with knots."
"Auh-guf!"
"Heh! You're kinda cute like this. But that's not why we're here. Baby needs his milkies, doesn't he?"
"Warara!"
"You are cute like this. I think I'll keep you for a few days. Say, 'aah!'"
"Ah-ack! Grah!"
"Shh. Drink all of it. There you go, down the hatch... good! Now baby's gotta burp... lemme rub your back..."
"Fuh oo."
"You're so freakin' cute. You're lucky daddy likes you."
"Addah?"
"That's right, baby. Now I'm afraid I've got to go take care of some adult things. Here's another shot for baby. I'll turn out the lights so you can sleep, sweetie... night, night!"
**
"Aww, baby doesn't look so good. Sick? Lets take this out now."
"You... y-you..."
"That's right. I'll take care of you. Shh. Let's put your baba in."
"M-my...?"
"Baba. Baby loves his baba, doesn't he?"
"D-Duo, that's a fucking...!"
"Aww, baby doesn't like it?"
"I'm not a--!"
"Sure you are, sweetie."
"Stop calling me--"
"Hush now, or daddy will get mad."
"Fuck you! That's a fucking dildo with a hole in it! Let me guess, you fucking--the milk goes through there? That's sick!"
"Hee! Isn't it great? I found it in a magazine. Thought it'd be useful someday."
"You're... you're so... you're a fucking... you're..."
"Speechless, eh? Great buy. Now, open up... aww, don't be stubborn... fine. We'll do this the old fashion way."
"Duo, you're not going t--"
**
"Sorry about knocking you out earlier. Fed you your milk in your sleep. You're lucky daddy loves you."
"W-what... are y-you..."
"Yeah, the dildo was kinda corny. I threw it out."
"N-No, w-what... where... h-h-how l-long..."
"How long? About two days, now. You're lookin' kinda green. Shit your pants all over the place too. Had to put you in a diaper."
"Huh... Duo, you're..."
"Sick? Of course. But you are kinda cute like that. Besides, this is payback for fucking hitting me. That hurts, you know. You have no consideration for other's welfare."
"You... you..."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, I don't think--"
"Hello, Duo."
"Oh. Look, Trowa. Heero, here. Yay."
"H-Heer..."
"Don't worry, Hee-baby, I wasn't gonna kill him. Didn't kill you, now did I? Put the gun down, baby."
"Let him go, Duo."
"But this was just getting to be fun! I was teaching Trowa how enjoyable milk is!"
"Duo, sit down."
"But--ah, fuck! You fucking--you shot me!!"
"I'll aim for your head next time."
"You fucking shot me!!"
"Shocked?"
"No, but--ahh! Fuck!"
"Sit. Down."
"Fucking... sitting."
"Good. Move to the far northeast corner."
"Done."
"Knife?"
"Sliding over."
"Any other weapons."
"Don't have any."
"Don't test me, Duo."
"Alright, alright. Here's the gun, the penknife, another knife, and another knife."
"He has a needle too, Heero."
"And the needle, Duo."
"Sliding the needle over, fuckers."
"Cut me down, Heero."
"Okay, Trowa... there. Hold the gun, aim it at Duo, I'll get the rest."
"You guys are such fucking spoilsports. This isn't fair."
"You know what isn't fair, Duo? Being lactose intolerant. It's like getting shot in the stomach."
"I really wouldn't know--ah, fuck!!"
"Mm. Night, night, sweetie."
"Night, Trowa... by the way, there were eggs in that milk. Hee!"
"Son of a--!"
--Fini.
*dies of mortal embarrassment, now*
Pair: psycho!Duo, Trowa
Warning: umm... everything, but most especially DISTURBING. That bit about the spiders makes me itch. (Doh! Did I say spiders?!)
Note: For the latest prompt table about milk at gw_dark. Sequel to Sleep Tight, but this can be read as a stand-alone.
Yes, I was wide awake, and I thought, "Wow, since I'm being totally useless with all these fics I actually do owe people, why not write another one that isn't any of those?" Hee! And thus, my second ever dialog fic was born. :D Um... after this... I probably won't be sleeping at all. Waaaaaaaaah! *rocks back and forth in a traumatized fashion*
"You're eating cereal without milk, Trowa."
"So I see."
"So you're lactose intolerant, then?"
"Obviously."
"Did you know that anyone who can actually drink milk is the one with the mutation?"
"Duo, will you please shut the hell up?"
"Bite me. Back in the Stone Age when you were born and dinosaurs roamed the Earth, everyone was lactose intolerant. If you notice, it's not natural to suck on tits after you start walking. Should be a hint and all."
"Could you be any more vulgar?"
"No. See, it started back in the Middle Ages--and trust me, that was vulgar. All those Brits in England were peasant folk suffering under the rule of some very nasty evil overlord, and everyone was starving."
"Interesting. Tell me more."
"Nobody likes sarcasm, Trowa. Anyway, these poor people were starving while the fat fucking slob on his throne had prime chow. So they took the cow's milk from their cattle and used it for drink. It was part of how they survived the era without every living soul starving to death."
"How come they didn't just drink water?"
"The water was dirty, you dick, and it made everyone sick. Diseases run rampant in those conditions, trust me. Couldn't drink water back home either, it was beer, milk, juice, anything else--rather die thirsty than go out with bugs crawling out of my belly. Ever seen that? They're real, you know, like that fucking Alien movie. Parts of Africa, drink water that's got the right eggs in it, and you wake up later with things eating it's way out of your fucking stomach. They got on L2 through a transport a while back, saw a kid go out that way. , Ugh, the screaming! God, I had to shoot the little bastard in the forehead to shut him the fuck up so I could my beauty sleep! The things kept on burrowing right out of him, too, they were like these little black spiders, squirming around his blood... talk about yuck!"
"Duo... I'm eating."
"Had to pull them out and stomp on them. One nearly bit me, but didn't, thank Christ. Fairly sure that's how they lay their eggs. So, no, you don't drink the water, moron. Besides, it's fucking stagnant."
"Rather drink the water than the milk."
"Milk tastes better, and it has some nutritional value. Water doesn't."
"Milk tastes like watery spunk, Duo. I think I'd rather have bugs crawl out of me."
"And I'm disgusting? You are such a fucking liar!"
"On with the story..."
"Yes, anyway, those that didn't die from drinking the milk back during the Middle Ages (because everyone was lactose intolerant, remember), mutated. Nature's like that, you know? Things mutate when the environment changes, and children were born with the ability to drink milk without all that nasty my-stomach-wants-to-crawl-out-of-my-body side affects. Some cats are the same way, that's why they can drink milk too. So really, when you think about it, you're just some freak who bypassed the system. Maybe you're related to that fucktard who sat on his comfy throne while everyone else was starving to death."
"Don't be an idiot. Not everyone came from the peasantry of England."
"I bet you were. I bet you were related to some fat fucking slob who--"
"Duo. Where'd you get that knife? Put it down."
"I could show you. Help you. Make it so you won't be lactose intolerant anymore."
"Duo, I'm warning you--ah! What the--"
"Oh no you don't. You aren't hitting me again, Rocky."
"What the hell... did you... in-inject... me..."
"Doesn't feel so good to be the man now, does it fucker? Whoopsie daisy, no swinging at me, you'll only make yourself more dizzy."
"Was... th-that a... n-needle?"
"Ja, Comrade Barton. Was a bit of a mixture from the shit I used to drug Heero before. Figured I needed a bigger punch this time."
"You..."
"Awww. Don't look so hurt, baby. This is for the both of us, you know?"
"D-D..."
"What? What's that? Sorry, I can't understand a stutter you're mumbling. There, there, don't worry. It's okay. It's all better now... just close your eyes... rockabye baby... falling from the treetop... yes. Perfect."
**
"What... the fuck..."
"Oh! Morning! Or, late afternoon now. Sorry to spoil your breakfast back there, I really didn't plan this overly much, but after that little revelation about the milk... oh don't look at me like that, I always keep a needle of sedative in my pocket, never know when you run into someone in need of emergency surgery."
"Emerg... what did you do?"
"I took a kidney."
"What?"
"Well, I can sell it! They're useful, you know? Knew a whore back home who needed a kidney and had to get her blood cleaned every week. Had to stop going because she couldn't afford it and she died all yellow looking. It was disgusting. So I did you a good deed."
"You..."
"Took out a kidney. Yeah. You weren't using it anyway, Trowa, don't be such a bastard. Besides, I can sell it for supplies."
"You..."
"Oh, if I didn't need your fucking mouth I'd tape it. You're such a fucking--here. Let's put these in."
"Wha--uh! Darh?!"
"Got them from this dentist in Texas back in the states. Aren't they neat? Nice fellow, had the most amazing fingers..."
"Warumph!"
"Sh-sh-shh... there. All set and cozy. Got you all secure too. Don't bother trying to squeeze out of those ropes, I'm really good with knots."
"Auh-guf!"
"Heh! You're kinda cute like this. But that's not why we're here. Baby needs his milkies, doesn't he?"
"Warara!"
"You are cute like this. I think I'll keep you for a few days. Say, 'aah!'"
"Ah-ack! Grah!"
"Shh. Drink all of it. There you go, down the hatch... good! Now baby's gotta burp... lemme rub your back..."
"Fuh oo."
"You're so freakin' cute. You're lucky daddy likes you."
"Addah?"
"That's right, baby. Now I'm afraid I've got to go take care of some adult things. Here's another shot for baby. I'll turn out the lights so you can sleep, sweetie... night, night!"
**
"Aww, baby doesn't look so good. Sick? Lets take this out now."
"You... y-you..."
"That's right. I'll take care of you. Shh. Let's put your baba in."
"M-my...?"
"Baba. Baby loves his baba, doesn't he?"
"D-Duo, that's a fucking...!"
"Aww, baby doesn't like it?"
"I'm not a--!"
"Sure you are, sweetie."
"Stop calling me--"
"Hush now, or daddy will get mad."
"Fuck you! That's a fucking dildo with a hole in it! Let me guess, you fucking--the milk goes through there? That's sick!"
"Hee! Isn't it great? I found it in a magazine. Thought it'd be useful someday."
"You're... you're so... you're a fucking... you're..."
"Speechless, eh? Great buy. Now, open up... aww, don't be stubborn... fine. We'll do this the old fashion way."
"Duo, you're not going t--"
**
"Sorry about knocking you out earlier. Fed you your milk in your sleep. You're lucky daddy loves you."
"W-what... are y-you..."
"Yeah, the dildo was kinda corny. I threw it out."
"N-No, w-what... where... h-h-how l-long..."
"How long? About two days, now. You're lookin' kinda green. Shit your pants all over the place too. Had to put you in a diaper."
"Huh... Duo, you're..."
"Sick? Of course. But you are kinda cute like that. Besides, this is payback for fucking hitting me. That hurts, you know. You have no consideration for other's welfare."
"You... you..."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Anyway, I don't think--"
"Hello, Duo."
"Oh. Look, Trowa. Heero, here. Yay."
"H-Heer..."
"Don't worry, Hee-baby, I wasn't gonna kill him. Didn't kill you, now did I? Put the gun down, baby."
"Let him go, Duo."
"But this was just getting to be fun! I was teaching Trowa how enjoyable milk is!"
"Duo, sit down."
"But--ah, fuck! You fucking--you shot me!!"
"I'll aim for your head next time."
"You fucking shot me!!"
"Shocked?"
"No, but--ahh! Fuck!"
"Sit. Down."
"Fucking... sitting."
"Good. Move to the far northeast corner."
"Done."
"Knife?"
"Sliding over."
"Any other weapons."
"Don't have any."
"Don't test me, Duo."
"Alright, alright. Here's the gun, the penknife, another knife, and another knife."
"He has a needle too, Heero."
"And the needle, Duo."
"Sliding the needle over, fuckers."
"Cut me down, Heero."
"Okay, Trowa... there. Hold the gun, aim it at Duo, I'll get the rest."
"You guys are such fucking spoilsports. This isn't fair."
"You know what isn't fair, Duo? Being lactose intolerant. It's like getting shot in the stomach."
"I really wouldn't know--ah, fuck!!"
"Mm. Night, night, sweetie."
"Night, Trowa... by the way, there were eggs in that milk. Hee!"
"Son of a--!"
--Fini.
*dies of mortal embarrassment, now*