[ChallengeFic] Memento, Chapter 13/13
Title: Memento
Chapter: XIII - The End is the Beginning is the End
Author: Terra aka Conniferous
Pairings: 1xRx2
Warnings: NCS, mild violence, angst / M
Status: WIP - this story ends with the beginning. Each chapter goes backwards in time. Barring the epilogue, this is the last chapter.
Summary: A twisted love story told in reverse. Relena is torn apart by her love for two very different men.
Happy Valentine's Day! Inspired by that deliciously dark movie, Memento.
XIII: The End is the Beginning is the End
He started by ripping her blouse open. He did it slowly, popping the smooth buttons one by one, working his way up to her collarbone. His eyes traced the quivering movement of her throat as she struggled to breathe evenly; she was trying to pretend he did not intimidate her; this was their game. He bent down and kissed the erratic pulse thudding in her neck. He pushed her until she was lying on her desk, ignoring her protests as he swept all her carefully arranged papers onto the ground. Be more spontaneous, she had said. He would teach her to regret those words.
“Why-” Relena swallowed hard as his stubble grazed the soft column of her neck. She started when he bit her, marking her with lips and teeth. She tried again: “What are you doing here?”
“Shutting you up,” he said. Then he lifted her tense, resisting form, turned her and slammed her facedown against her desk, spreading her palms on its surface, grinding her ribs into its edge. He pressed his arousal mercilessly against her back, trapping her with his body. “I’m going to fuck you,” he growled into her ear. “And you’re going to watch that door - knowing that he’s out there right now and that any second he can walk in here and see us - like this.”
“No!” Relena shoved against him, trying to tear her wrists from his iron grip. “Don’t do this!”
“You’ll enjoy it,” he promised. When she stopped struggling, he reached under the edge of her pencil skirt; he traced the inside of her nylon-clad thigh. She trembled as his fingers forced her skirt higher and higher until it bunched up against her waist. She stifled a cry when he suddenly ripped her nylon stockings, tearing them so that they slid down her legs in pieces. “That’s a good girl,” he murmured. “Don’t move.” He slowly freed her other wrist forcing her to brace her weight against the mahogany desk, her fingers clenched, marring the smooth surface with gnarled sweaty handprints. “You won’t like what I’ll do to you if you move.”
The moment her arm was free, she slammed back against him and when his grip slackened in surprise, she tried to run. She made it three steps before he caught her, crushing her against him, and forced her back on the desk, thrusting a knee between her legs, prying them apart by sheer strength. He made no effort to be gentle. “I warned you,” he breathed into her hair. “Now I’m going to have to hurt you.”
“Stop this!” she cried. But not too loudly. He was standing outside and if he heard them and found her like this? Relena stopped moving. “Please. Don’t.”
He tore her panties down her legs. She stifled a pained moan from the burn it left against her skin. He stepped back long enough to pull it off one leg. Then his fingers were splayed across her stomach, pushing her back against him. “Relena,” he crooned. “You’re burning. I bet you’re even - yes, you are. Naughty girl.”
He touched her folds, parting them easily, his fingers slick with her moisture, caressing her. When he clenched her clit, she shivered violently and clutched the desk in an effort to hide her body’s response. “You - you disgust me,” she hissed.
“Do I?” His deep voice rumbled, amused. He touched her languidly, carefully avoiding the place she wanted most to feel his calloused fingertips. “Is that what you say to him when he has you?”
“No. I love him. This - you make me sick.”
“You shouldn’t have said that,” he said gently. “Now I’m going to make you scream.”
Relena bit down on her lip as his fingers entered her. She tasted blood when they curled inside her and began sliding in and out, in and out until the pressure built and built and she ached, ached in want for something she could not have - should never want again - should never have started wanting. When he bit down on her neck again, the need rose up in her until it became unbearable and she was sobbing into her own fist, desperately trying to keep silent. When he abruptly stopped, she moved instinctively against his fingers, needing him, suddenly willing to do anything for release. It took her a second to realize what she had done and she froze, mortified, tears starting to stream down her face.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes.”
Relena turned slowly to look at him. An unreadable emotion flickered across his face when she found his eyes. Then it was gone. Before she could react, he smiled down at her - a cruel smile that was a preview to the torment she knew was coming. She had only seen it on his rugged face once before. I hate you, she had told him then. I hate what you do to me. She had enough time to say “I ha-” before he shoved her back around, seizing her neck in a stranglehold and pushing, pushing her until he forced her to look at the door. Then he pulled his fingers out and she heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper being pulled down.
“No-” she pled, straining futilely against his grip. “I don’t want this.”
“You knew this was coming,” he replied casually, viciously. “I warned you. You can still scream. You know he’ll come running in to save you.”
Relena’s voice was an agonized whisper: “He’ll kill you.”
“He’ll try,” he blew roughly into her ear. “Why, Relena? Are you worried for me?”
She fought to contain her response to his hot breath in her ear; but she couldn’t hide the violent shiver that ran down her body, that made her wet, that pried wanton moans from her. “I don’t want - I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” she forced out.
“It’s too late for that,” he said darkly and thrust into her. A scream reverberated inside her throat but she clenched her teeth and swallowed it. Her spine curved as he stretched her, filled her and she couldn’t stop the groans that escaped at each thrust, each impossibly deep penetration. The desk dug bruises into her hips but she didn’t care, couldn’t care while this man was pounding into her - thrusting over and over at an angle that made her knees weak.
“Ah!” she gasped. “God!”
He withdrew and pushed her down on the desk until her cheek was pressed against its surface, her hips raised in the air; he slammed back into her, the new angle choking her as his weight crushed her chest against the hard, flat wood. Her nails dug into her palms at each thrust and she found herself whimpering uncontrollably. His pace became frantic, eager for release, thrusting harder, faster and she thought if she didn’t breathe soon, she would pass out - but it felt so good, so raw and she needed this so badly - and she was panting and wasting air screaming.
He pushed her over the edge just as the door crashed open and Relena found herself staring into her lover’s shocked face as her release roared through her, shaking more tears from her brimming eyes as her body thrashed from the force of his orgasm. She saw the betrayal crumpling her lover’s face a second before he pulled out his gun and aimed it at the man behind her.
Relena had enough time to yell, “No!” before he pulled the trigger.
24 hours earlier:
She had a choice to make.
Once she made it, there would be no going back, no mending broken hearts, no second chances. Relena knew that once she spoke the words, committed her choice to sounds and air and ears, she would never see him again. She would lose one of them if she chose and both of them if she didn’t. She didn’t think she could bear that kind of loss. She watched the two men sitting on the steps of the ambulance - Duo’s long, languid form turned away from Heero, his arm propped up against a gurney as the paramedic sealed the knife wound on his arm and Heero, still and rigid, carefully facing the other way, his face unforgiving, while another paramedic put a splint on his leg.
Neither of them spoke. When the paramedics finished and moved on to other survivors, Relena broke the silence: “Heero, that was the most reckless thing you’ve ever done!”
The grim harshness in his face softened when he turned to look at her. “It worked.”
“Promise me. You don’t ever do that again. I don’t care what you think the odds are.”
“I can’t make you those kinds of promises, Relena.”
Duo laughed cruelly. “Can’t? Or won’t?”
“And you!” She trained her furious gaze on the other man. “You’re no better! If Heero hadn’t come, you were planning to do the same thing.” When he protested, she cut him off: “Don’t bother denying it. I know you were considering it.”
“Relena,” replied Duo with a shadow of a smile. “This indignant girlfriend routine isn’t going to fly with me. I saw you getting ready to inject yourself with that virus. If Heero had waited any longer, you’d be dying from it now.”
Heero looked startled. “You were going to inject yourself?”
“It was - it was before you broke in.” At his stormy expression, she added: “There wasn’t any other choice! And it was my responsibility - mine! Why can’t the two of you seem to remember that this is my investigation?”
“Not anymore,” answered Heero grimly. “It’s the justice department’s problem now.”
“We’ll still have to testify,” said Relena, frowning. “I won’t be able to sleep until every last member of the Barton Foundation is put behind bars.”
“Prison is too good for scum like Liam Barton.” Duo smiled viciously. “Unless it’s a cell with me in it. Shank-optional, of course.”
“No! Don’t you do anything to him. He’s not worth it.”
“Not worth it?” repeated Duo incredulously. “After what he did to you? What he did to my family?” He paused before finishing, his tone subdued: “What he’s done to Heero?”
“That’s why he’s not worth it. Don’t give him even one more second of your life. If you kill him, he’s going to die laughing in your face. Let them try him publicly; let the media have at him. Don’t make it personal. Don’t play into his hands.”
“Relena’s right,” interrupted Heero. “Back there, he wanted you to kill him. You do it - you give him exactly what he wants.”
Duo sneered. “Don’t agree just because you want to sleep with her. Have a little more dignity. You know I’m right.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” said Heero slowly, tightly. “I’m also going to pretend Relena didn’t almost die because you’re obsessed with revenge. But the next time? The next time you put her in danger on a selfish, fucking whim - I’ll kill you.”
“Are you listening to this, Relena?” snarled Duo. “Look at him - foaming at the mouth, making death threats. It’s the only thing he knows how to do - talk big. But where’s the follow through?” He stood, arms spread wide. “Talk is cheap, buddy. You make her these fucking promises. But actions speak louder than words, Heero,” he mocked. “I didn’t see you around when she was breaking down, when she needed you. You run at the first fucking sign of intimacy and you expect me - me to listen to you?”
“Stop it! Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” she shouted. “Don’t tell me what I need. You want to know what I - what I think of you? Duo, you’re a coward and a bully. That’s what the drugs have turned you into,” she forced herself to ignore the hurt in his face, “into this petty, hateful person. You’re so afraid of taking a chance, of really living that you go around laughing at other people, mocking them, just because you can.”
“And you!” She turned to Heero, shattering the stunned silence. “You’re worse than a coward. You’re so goddamn self-righteous, it makes me sick! You sit there and you judge - you judge him, you judge me and we can never measure up, can we? We’re never good enough for you. And when it’s your turn to be saved, to be the vulnerable one, you run because you can’t deal with that, with trusting anyone, with being in their power for even one second. You can’t deal with needing anyone but you know what? Get over it! You think it’s okay so long as you can walk away any time unscathed? Well, it’s not. It’s not!”
Relena choked as she felt tears pooling in her eyes. “B-but that doesn’t seem to matter, does it? It doesn’t change my feelings one damn bit. I love you. I love you both but you stand there looking at me like I’m trying to hurt you, like this is some kind of twisted plan. Well, it’s not! I can’t stop loving either of you and I don’t know how you expect me to be - to be able to choose when just the thought of losing either of you makes me feel like I’m drowning. And I can’t breathe.”
“Relena-” said Heero softly.
“No!” she cut him off. “I don’t - I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m glad that you’re both okay,” she shook her head at Duo as he reached her, “and no. That’s all. That’s it. I’m done.”
Relena turned on her heel and fled. She ran and ran until she found herself curled up in the backseat of her limousine, sobbing - hands balled into fists - beating them against the leather because she needed to do something, anything, to release the tension radiating from the guilt curling in her chest. Because she had lied; she had looked into the eyes of the man she loved and she had lied to him. And it was killing her to leave them like that, staring after her - stunned and hurt, because she needed to make a choice and she had chosen. She had known the moment she saw the pain in his face.
And suddenly, she couldn’t wait anymore. She couldn’t let him sit there thinking for a second longer that she was done, that she was ready to lose him. Relena groped blindly for her vidphone, her hands shaking as she clutched it like a lifeline and dialed. When his image flickered on and he asked, shocked: “Relena? What-?”
“It’s you,” she blurted out. “I love you. I couldn’t tell you in front of him. I can’t - it would’ve been too cruel. But it’s you.” Her vision began to blur as she cried harder. “I-I don’t want to talk about this on the phone. Can you - can you meet me tomorrow? At my office? I want to start over,” she smiled, trembling, “I want to meet you again. I want someone to introduce you to me so we can go to dinner and on dates and do all the things normal people do. Will you give me another chance?”
“Always,” he promised. “Tomorrow then. Your office.”
Chapter: XIII - The End is the Beginning is the End
Author: Terra aka Conniferous
Pairings: 1xRx2
Warnings: NCS, mild violence, angst / M
Status: WIP - this story ends with the beginning. Each chapter goes backwards in time. Barring the epilogue, this is the last chapter.
Summary: A twisted love story told in reverse. Relena is torn apart by her love for two very different men.
Happy Valentine's Day! Inspired by that deliciously dark movie, Memento.
XIII: The End is the Beginning is the End
He started by ripping her blouse open. He did it slowly, popping the smooth buttons one by one, working his way up to her collarbone. His eyes traced the quivering movement of her throat as she struggled to breathe evenly; she was trying to pretend he did not intimidate her; this was their game. He bent down and kissed the erratic pulse thudding in her neck. He pushed her until she was lying on her desk, ignoring her protests as he swept all her carefully arranged papers onto the ground. Be more spontaneous, she had said. He would teach her to regret those words.
“Why-” Relena swallowed hard as his stubble grazed the soft column of her neck. She started when he bit her, marking her with lips and teeth. She tried again: “What are you doing here?”
“Shutting you up,” he said. Then he lifted her tense, resisting form, turned her and slammed her facedown against her desk, spreading her palms on its surface, grinding her ribs into its edge. He pressed his arousal mercilessly against her back, trapping her with his body. “I’m going to fuck you,” he growled into her ear. “And you’re going to watch that door - knowing that he’s out there right now and that any second he can walk in here and see us - like this.”
“No!” Relena shoved against him, trying to tear her wrists from his iron grip. “Don’t do this!”
“You’ll enjoy it,” he promised. When she stopped struggling, he reached under the edge of her pencil skirt; he traced the inside of her nylon-clad thigh. She trembled as his fingers forced her skirt higher and higher until it bunched up against her waist. She stifled a cry when he suddenly ripped her nylon stockings, tearing them so that they slid down her legs in pieces. “That’s a good girl,” he murmured. “Don’t move.” He slowly freed her other wrist forcing her to brace her weight against the mahogany desk, her fingers clenched, marring the smooth surface with gnarled sweaty handprints. “You won’t like what I’ll do to you if you move.”
The moment her arm was free, she slammed back against him and when his grip slackened in surprise, she tried to run. She made it three steps before he caught her, crushing her against him, and forced her back on the desk, thrusting a knee between her legs, prying them apart by sheer strength. He made no effort to be gentle. “I warned you,” he breathed into her hair. “Now I’m going to have to hurt you.”
“Stop this!” she cried. But not too loudly. He was standing outside and if he heard them and found her like this? Relena stopped moving. “Please. Don’t.”
He tore her panties down her legs. She stifled a pained moan from the burn it left against her skin. He stepped back long enough to pull it off one leg. Then his fingers were splayed across her stomach, pushing her back against him. “Relena,” he crooned. “You’re burning. I bet you’re even - yes, you are. Naughty girl.”
He touched her folds, parting them easily, his fingers slick with her moisture, caressing her. When he clenched her clit, she shivered violently and clutched the desk in an effort to hide her body’s response. “You - you disgust me,” she hissed.
“Do I?” His deep voice rumbled, amused. He touched her languidly, carefully avoiding the place she wanted most to feel his calloused fingertips. “Is that what you say to him when he has you?”
“No. I love him. This - you make me sick.”
“You shouldn’t have said that,” he said gently. “Now I’m going to make you scream.”
Relena bit down on her lip as his fingers entered her. She tasted blood when they curled inside her and began sliding in and out, in and out until the pressure built and built and she ached, ached in want for something she could not have - should never want again - should never have started wanting. When he bit down on her neck again, the need rose up in her until it became unbearable and she was sobbing into her own fist, desperately trying to keep silent. When he abruptly stopped, she moved instinctively against his fingers, needing him, suddenly willing to do anything for release. It took her a second to realize what she had done and she froze, mortified, tears starting to stream down her face.
“Yes,” he said. “Yes.”
Relena turned slowly to look at him. An unreadable emotion flickered across his face when she found his eyes. Then it was gone. Before she could react, he smiled down at her - a cruel smile that was a preview to the torment she knew was coming. She had only seen it on his rugged face once before. I hate you, she had told him then. I hate what you do to me. She had enough time to say “I ha-” before he shoved her back around, seizing her neck in a stranglehold and pushing, pushing her until he forced her to look at the door. Then he pulled his fingers out and she heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper being pulled down.
“No-” she pled, straining futilely against his grip. “I don’t want this.”
“You knew this was coming,” he replied casually, viciously. “I warned you. You can still scream. You know he’ll come running in to save you.”
Relena’s voice was an agonized whisper: “He’ll kill you.”
“He’ll try,” he blew roughly into her ear. “Why, Relena? Are you worried for me?”
She fought to contain her response to his hot breath in her ear; but she couldn’t hide the violent shiver that ran down her body, that made her wet, that pried wanton moans from her. “I don’t want - I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” she forced out.
“It’s too late for that,” he said darkly and thrust into her. A scream reverberated inside her throat but she clenched her teeth and swallowed it. Her spine curved as he stretched her, filled her and she couldn’t stop the groans that escaped at each thrust, each impossibly deep penetration. The desk dug bruises into her hips but she didn’t care, couldn’t care while this man was pounding into her - thrusting over and over at an angle that made her knees weak.
“Ah!” she gasped. “God!”
He withdrew and pushed her down on the desk until her cheek was pressed against its surface, her hips raised in the air; he slammed back into her, the new angle choking her as his weight crushed her chest against the hard, flat wood. Her nails dug into her palms at each thrust and she found herself whimpering uncontrollably. His pace became frantic, eager for release, thrusting harder, faster and she thought if she didn’t breathe soon, she would pass out - but it felt so good, so raw and she needed this so badly - and she was panting and wasting air screaming.
He pushed her over the edge just as the door crashed open and Relena found herself staring into her lover’s shocked face as her release roared through her, shaking more tears from her brimming eyes as her body thrashed from the force of his orgasm. She saw the betrayal crumpling her lover’s face a second before he pulled out his gun and aimed it at the man behind her.
Relena had enough time to yell, “No!” before he pulled the trigger.
24 hours earlier:
She had a choice to make.
Once she made it, there would be no going back, no mending broken hearts, no second chances. Relena knew that once she spoke the words, committed her choice to sounds and air and ears, she would never see him again. She would lose one of them if she chose and both of them if she didn’t. She didn’t think she could bear that kind of loss. She watched the two men sitting on the steps of the ambulance - Duo’s long, languid form turned away from Heero, his arm propped up against a gurney as the paramedic sealed the knife wound on his arm and Heero, still and rigid, carefully facing the other way, his face unforgiving, while another paramedic put a splint on his leg.
Neither of them spoke. When the paramedics finished and moved on to other survivors, Relena broke the silence: “Heero, that was the most reckless thing you’ve ever done!”
The grim harshness in his face softened when he turned to look at her. “It worked.”
“Promise me. You don’t ever do that again. I don’t care what you think the odds are.”
“I can’t make you those kinds of promises, Relena.”
Duo laughed cruelly. “Can’t? Or won’t?”
“And you!” She trained her furious gaze on the other man. “You’re no better! If Heero hadn’t come, you were planning to do the same thing.” When he protested, she cut him off: “Don’t bother denying it. I know you were considering it.”
“Relena,” replied Duo with a shadow of a smile. “This indignant girlfriend routine isn’t going to fly with me. I saw you getting ready to inject yourself with that virus. If Heero had waited any longer, you’d be dying from it now.”
Heero looked startled. “You were going to inject yourself?”
“It was - it was before you broke in.” At his stormy expression, she added: “There wasn’t any other choice! And it was my responsibility - mine! Why can’t the two of you seem to remember that this is my investigation?”
“Not anymore,” answered Heero grimly. “It’s the justice department’s problem now.”
“We’ll still have to testify,” said Relena, frowning. “I won’t be able to sleep until every last member of the Barton Foundation is put behind bars.”
“Prison is too good for scum like Liam Barton.” Duo smiled viciously. “Unless it’s a cell with me in it. Shank-optional, of course.”
“No! Don’t you do anything to him. He’s not worth it.”
“Not worth it?” repeated Duo incredulously. “After what he did to you? What he did to my family?” He paused before finishing, his tone subdued: “What he’s done to Heero?”
“That’s why he’s not worth it. Don’t give him even one more second of your life. If you kill him, he’s going to die laughing in your face. Let them try him publicly; let the media have at him. Don’t make it personal. Don’t play into his hands.”
“Relena’s right,” interrupted Heero. “Back there, he wanted you to kill him. You do it - you give him exactly what he wants.”
Duo sneered. “Don’t agree just because you want to sleep with her. Have a little more dignity. You know I’m right.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that,” said Heero slowly, tightly. “I’m also going to pretend Relena didn’t almost die because you’re obsessed with revenge. But the next time? The next time you put her in danger on a selfish, fucking whim - I’ll kill you.”
“Are you listening to this, Relena?” snarled Duo. “Look at him - foaming at the mouth, making death threats. It’s the only thing he knows how to do - talk big. But where’s the follow through?” He stood, arms spread wide. “Talk is cheap, buddy. You make her these fucking promises. But actions speak louder than words, Heero,” he mocked. “I didn’t see you around when she was breaking down, when she needed you. You run at the first fucking sign of intimacy and you expect me - me to listen to you?”
“Stop it! Stop talking about me like I’m not here!” she shouted. “Don’t tell me what I need. You want to know what I - what I think of you? Duo, you’re a coward and a bully. That’s what the drugs have turned you into,” she forced herself to ignore the hurt in his face, “into this petty, hateful person. You’re so afraid of taking a chance, of really living that you go around laughing at other people, mocking them, just because you can.”
“And you!” She turned to Heero, shattering the stunned silence. “You’re worse than a coward. You’re so goddamn self-righteous, it makes me sick! You sit there and you judge - you judge him, you judge me and we can never measure up, can we? We’re never good enough for you. And when it’s your turn to be saved, to be the vulnerable one, you run because you can’t deal with that, with trusting anyone, with being in their power for even one second. You can’t deal with needing anyone but you know what? Get over it! You think it’s okay so long as you can walk away any time unscathed? Well, it’s not. It’s not!”
Relena choked as she felt tears pooling in her eyes. “B-but that doesn’t seem to matter, does it? It doesn’t change my feelings one damn bit. I love you. I love you both but you stand there looking at me like I’m trying to hurt you, like this is some kind of twisted plan. Well, it’s not! I can’t stop loving either of you and I don’t know how you expect me to be - to be able to choose when just the thought of losing either of you makes me feel like I’m drowning. And I can’t breathe.”
“Relena-” said Heero softly.
“No!” she cut him off. “I don’t - I don’t want to talk about this right now. I’m glad that you’re both okay,” she shook her head at Duo as he reached her, “and no. That’s all. That’s it. I’m done.”
Relena turned on her heel and fled. She ran and ran until she found herself curled up in the backseat of her limousine, sobbing - hands balled into fists - beating them against the leather because she needed to do something, anything, to release the tension radiating from the guilt curling in her chest. Because she had lied; she had looked into the eyes of the man she loved and she had lied to him. And it was killing her to leave them like that, staring after her - stunned and hurt, because she needed to make a choice and she had chosen. She had known the moment she saw the pain in his face.
And suddenly, she couldn’t wait anymore. She couldn’t let him sit there thinking for a second longer that she was done, that she was ready to lose him. Relena groped blindly for her vidphone, her hands shaking as she clutched it like a lifeline and dialed. When his image flickered on and he asked, shocked: “Relena? What-?”
“It’s you,” she blurted out. “I love you. I couldn’t tell you in front of him. I can’t - it would’ve been too cruel. But it’s you.” Her vision began to blur as she cried harder. “I-I don’t want to talk about this on the phone. Can you - can you meet me tomorrow? At my office? I want to start over,” she smiled, trembling, “I want to meet you again. I want someone to introduce you to me so we can go to dinner and on dates and do all the things normal people do. Will you give me another chance?”
“Always,” he promised. “Tomorrow then. Your office.”