The Video For Take On Me By A-Ha Is My Biography
I was all set to go to sleep early tonight so I could get up early and do breakfast with my dad and my sister's boyfriend but I couldn't sleep and ended up thinking about crushes in my formative years since, on a whim, I added one of them on the facebook today and she confirmed it and then I realized I had a really idealized perception of her (a perception that involved her not being all into Guster). We grew up together at the church in Eugene and never really hung out for whatever reason. Looking back on it, I'm not sure why since my parents seemed to make a point of putting me in a room with other kids my age (there was like a baby boom around 1986) and making us play together, regardless of our feelings on the matter. When I went back to visit a few years ago, I saw her and she was wayyy more attractive than the first grader who idolized Ariel the Mermaid that I remembered. She might have still idolized Ariel at that point.
"Darcy," "Marcy," and, uh, "Sue" aside (these three young ladies making up the primary group of "real girls" I had crushes on as a small, sweater and turtleneck-clad child), I had some pretty major crushes on a couple of Disney princesses. I'm probably setting myself up for all kinds of ridicule but whatever. As I thought about my idealized perception of Darcy (and, indeed, all women), I thought about my idealized perception of the animated screen sirens. I never had a thing for Ariel the Mermaid since I've always been a terrible swimmer and, even though I didn't know what it was at the time, I think a little voice inside me told me that liking Ariel was akin to beastiality.* Also, I liked taking walks and that's not possible if she, you know, HAS NO LEGS!!
So then I was thinking about the Disney crush I remember most: Cinderella. A friend of mine (also part of the FUMC baby boom of 1986) brought up an interesting point about her: her job is to make the house clean + she is friends with a bunch of mice = Conflict of interest. I used to be jealous of Prince Charming in that movie but now I feel bad for him. Imagine marrying into that family. The way I see it, I would set out mousetraps or poison to try to get a handle on the pest problem and maybe take out a couple of them (obviously, Gus would die first) and then Cinderella would get all pissed and go to stay with her godmother for a few days. Oh, and Lord help me if she decides to abbreviate Cinderella with "Cindi" dotted with a heart.
Conclusion: My finest moment I could ever aspire to is to sing Take On Me by A-Ha in some karaoke bar in front of some girl I want to impress and hit that crazy high note perfectly.
I think I might start telling people the "-gf" at the end of all of my entries stands for "-grand funk."
-gf
*LJ underlined "beastiality" and my MacBook dictionary didn't recognize it as a word so, wanting to spell it right, I googled it. I was correct but at what cost? Now it's forever in my little google history that I searched "beastiality" at 1am.