was it a dream
i have to be at work in like...a little over three hours and i feel like being productive/introspective. odd combination. but let's see how it goes. i also feel like throwing a certain kitty across the room..but...that's another story. before i start rambling...brief todo list so i remind myself...clean room, clean bathroom[the purple shower where Ashley and Barney had hot sex while i was passed out drunk...lol], i think a vacuuming of the living room is in order too...getting my shit in storage, cleaning the kitchen...getting car smoged and registered, driving test for Ashley, uh...bank stuff?...need to close my old account at some time. also. job stuff. majorly. urgh. i want to work. badly. i need to work.
i emailed a couple of poeple about office jobs....no responses yet. :( they were really good jobs too.
eh.
i just feel a little lost right now. most of the time i am happy with everything and KNOW that i can be successful....etc...etc...
bleh. stupid...
you ever have those days where you kind of stop and question yourself...like...anything. those days where one thing...that wouldn't have been anything on any other day....but on that kind of day...just...gets under your skin? i don't think i'm weak...or sensitive in that way...but...when that rare kind of day comes along...it seems like all my defenses go up..like i become more on edge...more vulnerable. bleh. i'm not a big fan of it...lol.
i hate questioning myself.
i know everything is fine in my life. that i shouldn't worry about crap..like money...or getting a good job, one that i will like and that will be profitable...or this that and the other thing. i shouldn't worry. but the last two days....including today...eh...i've been a little offset. i want to be as successful as those around me...i want to say that yes...and here's what i have to show for it. i want to feel like i'm doing something...meaningful? ok. definitly wrong word. but eh. i can't think of the word.
i don't even feel it now. lol. i am i whiney bitch :)
i dunno. i feel like i'm leanring a little more about myself lately with these recent changes in my life... i'm fine dealing and living with other people/another person...i'm still learning to live with and deal with myself on a few levels. i don't know if that even makes sense. lol. i'm still growing up. lol. go figure. sometimes i don't feel like i'm where i should be...and i want to be there instantly. but it takes time.
haha...i'm all better. imagine that.
anyways. i will continue to grow and all that jazz. and learn to deal with some of my weird ways and thoughts...lol... I'm just glad i with someone who...i love so much....and who...no matter what kind of crap is going down...always will. some great things were said last night. i love coming home to her after being at work. i really do love this. i love her.
ok. time to get productive now. :)
i emailed a couple of poeple about office jobs....no responses yet. :( they were really good jobs too.
eh.
i just feel a little lost right now. most of the time i am happy with everything and KNOW that i can be successful....etc...etc...
bleh. stupid...
you ever have those days where you kind of stop and question yourself...like...anything. those days where one thing...that wouldn't have been anything on any other day....but on that kind of day...just...gets under your skin? i don't think i'm weak...or sensitive in that way...but...when that rare kind of day comes along...it seems like all my defenses go up..like i become more on edge...more vulnerable. bleh. i'm not a big fan of it...lol.
i hate questioning myself.
i know everything is fine in my life. that i shouldn't worry about crap..like money...or getting a good job, one that i will like and that will be profitable...or this that and the other thing. i shouldn't worry. but the last two days....including today...eh...i've been a little offset. i want to be as successful as those around me...i want to say that yes...and here's what i have to show for it. i want to feel like i'm doing something...meaningful? ok. definitly wrong word. but eh. i can't think of the word.
i don't even feel it now. lol. i am i whiney bitch :)
i dunno. i feel like i'm leanring a little more about myself lately with these recent changes in my life... i'm fine dealing and living with other people/another person...i'm still learning to live with and deal with myself on a few levels. i don't know if that even makes sense. lol. i'm still growing up. lol. go figure. sometimes i don't feel like i'm where i should be...and i want to be there instantly. but it takes time.
haha...i'm all better. imagine that.
anyways. i will continue to grow and all that jazz. and learn to deal with some of my weird ways and thoughts...lol... I'm just glad i with someone who...i love so much....and who...no matter what kind of crap is going down...always will. some great things were said last night. i love coming home to her after being at work. i really do love this. i love her.
ok. time to get productive now. :)