more of my incoherent ramblings...
what a sick world we live in today, to think that people care more about money than love, more about respect than love more about possesions than love, more about friendships that wont even exist in a few years, then they care about love, love endures a friend who now isnt a friend anymore told me once, my favorite qoute has got to be life is just a series of moments, someone told me recently the reason i fuck up so much is because i dont think out my actions, and i need to start liveing life by a set plan basically, and what fun is that?life is short, life is very very short...one day your a kid haveing a grand old time, the next your a teenager listening to depressing music and contemplating and trying to pull off suicide, a few years later your an adult....with so many responsibilities put on u in the course of one year, get a job, get a car, car insurance, food costs because your mother never shops...honestly if i didnt take my life in a series of moments id go quite litterally insane, i havent paid my car insurance in nearly 2 months...because i cant afford it...i cant eat, cause i cant afford it, cant maintain my car cause i cant afford it, and cant maintain friendships because there is so much bullshit being talked behind mine and others backs....whose side to take in an argument bout your best friend, or a very good friend when u know that both people have great points, some people may say o these people lack ambition, and then someone else might say that guy is queer because he hangs out with this one person alot(not that im disagreeing) but i haveta side with the people who apparently lack ambition on this one because that other person apparently had a hidden agenda, and never did i hear those people who he talked shit bout ever say a wrong word about him untill he satrted talking shit behind their backs and trying to break up their friendships, and mine with them, why do we talk shit at all? it all blows up in our faces in the long run anyways...so i guess what im trying to say is....STOP TALKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u not only lose friends, but you also lose respect, i sit here all night long and think bout what i wanna say to the person i want to say it to, and when it comes time to talk to them bout it, all that comes out of my mouth is stupid nonesne and bullshit that isnt what i wanted to say at all....and it sux that i cant express my self in a way that wont make u people look at me like, what kinda fucking crack are you smokeing? and sometimes it comes out so messed up that i unitentionally hurt someones feelings....i also hate contemoplateing suicide/why im even alive every single night of my life, honesrly i think the only reason im here for is my friends and my mom....if i had never been pulled out of the house by scott i prolly wouldnt be here anymore...but do i thank him for that...or do i hate him? i really cant hate anyone tho....i dislike people alot but rarely do i hate...ok now im just rambling.....cant even type coherently....think im going to go contemplate some more, gnight friends....or enemies, whichever i consider you or you consider me