5x04 - Birthmarks
Ridiculously Brilliant Quotes
House 5x04
POTW
“How does that work? How do I pray?”
Kutner [to House]
“Your mother called, twice.”
House
“She’s still healthy, this 25 year old woman on the other hand.”
Kutner
“Her messages sounded kind of urgent.”
House
“That’s they way women sound when their spouse of 50 years dies.”
13
“Your dad died? Are you--”
House
“-yep, fine.”
Taub
“House, call your mom.”
House
“Who are you? My mom?
Foreman
“Anybody read Chinese? Otherwise, we have no idea what these doctors did to her.”
House
“Kutner, you’re sort-of Asian, right? Get it translated.”
House
“I’m not deflecting because I’m avoiding something deep I’m deflecting because I’m avoiding something shallow. Seriously, I’m fine. I didn’t even like the man.”
Cuddy
“I’m sorry about your father.”
House
“I’m not.”
Cuddy
“If there’s anything I can do just…”
House
“You know, you’re right, I don’t think I can sleep alone tonight.”
Cuddy
“Drop your pants.”
House
“You know I usually pay tens of dollars to hear that.”
Wilson
“I am not doing this because I care.”
House
“Cuddy drugged me. She-my mom didn’t call Cuddy, she called you. I knew you couldn’t stay away. I knew you loved me too much.”
Wilson
“I’m doing this for your mom.”
LMAO ‘Mmmmm Bop’
Kutner
“I like being different. The view is better from the outside looking in.”
Wilson
“You know, those aren’t just my car keys. My house keys are on there too. Amber gave me that key chain.”
House
“No she didn’t. Not unless your pet name for her is ‘Volvo’”
House
“A struggle to resist ones captives is never pointless.”
Cameron
“What do you think House would send a ‘Gentle Comfort arrangement’ or a ‘Warm Thoughts Bouchay’? I mean if he wasn’t an ass.”
Chase
“Send one of those giant cookies shaped like a coffin.”
[Cam gives him the evil eye]
“His mom would believe it was from him”
Foreman
“I didn’t tell you guys so you could send anything. Just wanted you to know the extent to which the man is disconnected from the human race.”
House
“You lost track of your speed?! I think that was Hitler’s excuse; ‘lost track of the Jews.’”
House
“Wilson’s getting arrested.”
Cop
“James Evan Wilson, there’s a warrant for your arrest in Louisiana.”
Cop
“I’m sure there’re other smart doctors.”
House
“You’d be surprised.”
Wilson
“You told me you’d taken care of this.”
House
“I did.”
Wilson
“The first words you ever said to me.”
House
“I took care of it. They must have screwed up somehow.”
Wilson
“I am not going to sit here wasting time just so you can avoid your fathers’ funeral!”
House [to the cop]
“He’s my father. I have the right to avoid his funeral.”
Cop
“Not if your mother’s alive, you don’t.”
Wilson
“I was at the hotel bar, trying to unwind, drink. There was this guy who kept playing Billy Joel’s ‘Leave a Tender Moment Alone’ on the jukebox.”
Cop
“Leave a Tender Moment is a good song.”
House
“It’s a great song. He was outta line.”
Cop
“Not as good as ‘Scenes from an Italian Restaurant…”
Wilson
“So I asked the man to stop, politely.”
House
“Yeah, you yelled politely.”
Wilson
“I was polite the first couple of times, but courtesy made no impression on this ass. So I threw a bottle into the mirror, which successfully conveyed my message.”
House
“And smashed a ten-foot antique mirror, and set an example to other patrons who threw shot glasses.”
Wilson
“I had nothing to do with that fight. The assault charge was totally bogus. And I paid for the mirror.”
Cop
“I think I’ve got the picture.”
[Looks to House]
“I assume you’re the guy who was playing the song.”
House
“Nope, I was the guy who bailed him out.”
Wilson
“That’s how we met, I was in jail.”
Cop
“This guy was a total stranger to you and you bailed him out?”
House
“It was a boring convention. I needed someone to drink with.”
Wilson
“And there’s the foundation of our entire friendship. If you hadn’t been bored one weekend then it wouldn’t even exist.”
House
“Hey, there were 3000 people at that convention, and you were the one I thought wasn’t boring, that says something.”
Cop
“You can go.”
House
“What?! He’s a fugitive from justice, that whole story was lies, he stabbed a man.”
13
“Bubbles.”
House
“Is that your new stripper name?”
13
“Yes.”
Blythe (House’s mom)
“I don’t care that you didn’t like him. He was your father and he loved you. The war is over Greg. Please do this for me.”
House
“He’s here.”
Wilson
“Who’s here? The one you’re pretending is your father? Nice pick, he looks like Sean Connery.”
House
“Maybe if he had been a better father, I’d be a better son. But I am what I am because of him, for better or for worse.”
(I love that Wilson goes up to comfort House, before he sees him clip a piece of his Dads ear off…)
House
“Oh cut the crap! You enjoy what I do I never had to force you. You liked coming along for the ride.”
House
“But Amber, she was young and healthy; her death came out of nowhere.”
Wilson
“Don’t bring Amber into this.”
House
“And you weren’t ready, and that makes you angry. The world sucks and you didn’t have time to brace yourself.”
House
“You’re scared to death of loosing anyone that matters so you dump the person who matters the most to you!”
Wilson
“I’m not scared to death! I’m moving forward!”
House
“Because no one can take away from you what you no longer have!”
House
“Admit it. You’re angry and you’re scared of loosing me.”
Wilson
“I’m not angry, I’m not scared, I’m not--”
House
“Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Admit it. Admit it.”
Wilson
“What are you? Five?”
(LMAO then Wilson comes full circle and throws another bottle through a window…)
House
“Still not boring.”
House
“The images are not grainy.”
Taub
“They sure look grainy.”
House
“Well I’ve seen pictures of you where you look tall.”
House
“MRI for a better view, then call me back and tell me you’re embarrassed because my eyesight is better 500 miles away.”
House
“Differential; say you’re a middle aged Chinese woman.”
Wilson
“Fine.”
House
“Say it.”
Wilson [sighs]
“I’m a middle aged Chinese Woman.”
House
“Let her vomit through the MRI. That’s what nurses are for.”
Wilson [indicating the alcohol]
“Something going on?”
House
“I’m celebrating.”
[Hands Wilson a paper]
“My mom hated him too.”
Wilson
“Your DNA test showed no match? That’s incredible. At the age of twelve you actually figured out that your father wasn’t your birth father. That’s what you wanted wasn’t it? Why should it depress you?”
House
“It doesn’t depress me. It doesn’t make any difference at all, that’s what depresses me.”
Wilson
“Well, I guess nobody gets to choose who their parents are. I’m not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are. I spoke with Cuddy; she hasn’t filled my position yet.”
House
“If you’re coming back just because you’re attracted to the shine of my neediness, I’d be ok with that.”
Wilson
“I’m coming back because you’re right. That strange, annoying trip we just took was been the most fun I’ve had since Amber died.”
House
“Wilson”
Wilson
“Yeah,”
House
“My dad’s dead.”
Wilson
“Yeah, my sympathies.”
--THE END--