music and adventure
My, my, my. What a night, what a night. Let's start with the music half.
So Against Me! Was tonight. Chris, Ben, and I went, and we met my sisters and Ben's sister and her boyfriend there. We (Chris, Ben, and I) missed the opening band, but apparently they were pretty good. The second band, however, was not. I'm not sure what they were going for, but they had some weird rockabilly-ska thing going on. And they had way too many people in the band. I mean, seven, really? The next and last guy was Sage Francis, who I'm sort of familiar with (ie, I know he's some rapper on Epitaph). He sucked hard hard hard. I mean, at one point, the mother fucker hocked a loogie on his shoe, and then licked it off. Who the fuck does that shit? That's fucking vile!
So, as usual, the path to Against Me! was fraught with suffering and hardship. But oh! was it worth it. The show was incredible. The venue was Center Stage, and apparently they have really good sound there. The set was really good; they played a lot of the new songs, which were amazing live, but without neglecting the old stuff. For the encore, they played Impact, which I don't think I've ever seen them do live, and fucking Baby, I'm an Anarchist, which I haven't seen them play live since I saw them for the first time all those years ago. There was a lot of singing and jumping and shouting and fist pumping and getting kneed to the face. One dude did a flying knee drop to my left eye socket, which is feeling pretty raw right about now. And some girl kneed me in the jaw. And my feet got stepped on a lot and elbowed and kicked and caught heavy people with my head and fell down once or twice and hurt my shin. And I came perilously close to getting kicked in the face, but I literally swatted the guys foot out of the way, but it was like an inch away, and that probably would've been quite painful. So all in all, nothing unusual, though the flying knee to the head hurt quite a bit. I staggered back, saw stars, and wondered for a little bit whether or not I was ok. I was. But goddamn, so many heavy-ass stage divers and crowd surfers. Hey fatty, if you're over 200lbs: DON'T FUCKING CROWD SURF, SHITHEAD.
THUS BEGINS THE ADVENTURE HALF!
After the show, my sisters and I went our separate ways. Ben, Chris, and I decided we were quite famished, and decided a quick jaunt to the Majestic would be a good way to knock out the hunger. We got there, and drank some water, and perused the menu. And then I see that I had 4 missed calls from Robin, which didn't bode well. So I try to call her back, but the phone went straight to voice mail, which boded even less well. I called again and got through, and it turned out that she and Becky were locked in the parking garage in which they had parked. Our mission was clear: rescue the Jarvis Sisters from the treacherous pit of Atlantic Parking Garage. Thus, we set off on our odyssey journey through the foreboding underbelly of Atlanta, and into the deadly Parking-Castles.
With mighty TAURUS as our chariot, we raced down the serpentine streets of Dark Atlanta, scoffing at traffic laws and other unnecessary distractions. We arrived out our parking lot, where we disembarked from TAURUS. Clad in our protective hoodies, and armed with only our courage and boundless energy, we set out on foot.
We moved stealthily down the cold streets of the city, thankfully avoiding its dangerous denizens. We made it to the Parking-Castle without pulling any aggro. The castle itself was guarded only by its impenetrable concrete walls and metal gates. Using all of our considerable ingenuity, we were able to breach its security and gain entry. The deck itself was empty and quite as a tomb. We climbed walls and leaped pits and made our way ever skyward. As, it turns, Bowser resided in this particular castle, which was quite the shock. I boldly stepped forward, "Hey, Bowser, let me sisters go!" to which he replied, "Fuck you, cocksucker!" and then started jumping around and shooting fireballs at me. Undaunted, I dodged his fireballs, and when he jumped high enough, I ran under him. For some reason there was a big glowing golden ax behind him, and I used it to cut the chain that was somehow holding up his bridge, plunging King Koopa into the piping hot magma below. Thinking our arduous quest over, I ran forward. But, to my surprise, there was Toad, and not my sisters. He said, "I'm sorry, but your sisters are in another castle!" Which was pretty disappointing, I'm not gonna lie. And then he tried to sell me a dime bag, but I had shit to do, so I had to decline. And then he asked for a couple of bucks for the bus. Tiring of his antics, I jumped on his head, which dispatched him right quick. Dismayed, but not defeated, Chris, Ben, and I hopped in the pipe, and made it back to the street.
The next leg of the journey was much more treacherous. The cold started sapping our energy, and we came across way more wandering monsters. As most of you know, most of West Peachtree is made up of impassable river, filled with deadly, deadly crocodiles. While this probably would've stopped most people, the three of us are made of much sterner stuff. So we just waited until the crocodiles closed there mouths and then jumped on top of them across the river. At the last jumped I fell onto the concrete, and took a bit of damage and fucked my knee up quite a bit. Fortunately, I jumped kicked a nearby garbage can and found a delicious cooked turkey which healed my wounds nicely. Even better, we saw the second castle looming in the distance.
Our initial joy was overshadowed by the defenses of the second castle. It was impregnable. Ben and I tried to fight our way in, but the gates wouldn't give. All was not lost, however, as Chris was able to hack a security panel and commune directly with the Machine Spirit of the castle. It promised to send down a minion to assist us. And true to its word, we were granted passage. But, as these things go, the Spirit needed to test our strength to make sure we were worthy. For this trial by combat, the Machine Spirit sent down its greatest champion to do battle with us. Though he had a lot of hit points, he wasn't too tough. I tanked, Ben healed, and Chris handled the DPS. Before long he was defeated, and he joined our party. But alas! my sisters weren't in this castle, either. They were, however, in the third adjoining castle. The guard lead us through the hidden passage and into the inner sanctum of Castle Three, which was a sinister, twisted mirror of Castle Two. Everything looked eerily similar, but nothing was as it seemed and the air was heavy with deceit. Nevertheless, after a few trash mobs, we were reunited with sisters!
Again, victory was met with defeat. Our guard, powerful though he may be, had no power in the other bizarro-castle. He led our party through the bowels of the castle, so that we could commune with Machine Spirit of the third castle. This Machine Spirit feigned ignorance, and claimed that the gate of the Castle was not its to control, which was plainly a lie. We had to sacrifice a fatted calf before it would listen to our appeal. Satisfied with our offering, the spirit sent out its own champion, a twisted doppelganger of our own noble guard. After a fierce battle that taxed our reverses to the very limit, he eventually succumbed to our righteous fury and granted us passage. We triumphantly returned through the Dark-Mirror castle, and my sisters were able to ride to freedom. We bid our guard adieu, and he returned us to mighty TAURUS with a mere flick of his hand. Tired and hungry, though pleased with our success, we made our way to the Majestic once again, and we feasted heartily while nymphs cavorted about, singing praise to our glorious victory.
And all was good.
So Against Me! Was tonight. Chris, Ben, and I went, and we met my sisters and Ben's sister and her boyfriend there. We (Chris, Ben, and I) missed the opening band, but apparently they were pretty good. The second band, however, was not. I'm not sure what they were going for, but they had some weird rockabilly-ska thing going on. And they had way too many people in the band. I mean, seven, really? The next and last guy was Sage Francis, who I'm sort of familiar with (ie, I know he's some rapper on Epitaph). He sucked hard hard hard. I mean, at one point, the mother fucker hocked a loogie on his shoe, and then licked it off. Who the fuck does that shit? That's fucking vile!
So, as usual, the path to Against Me! was fraught with suffering and hardship. But oh! was it worth it. The show was incredible. The venue was Center Stage, and apparently they have really good sound there. The set was really good; they played a lot of the new songs, which were amazing live, but without neglecting the old stuff. For the encore, they played Impact, which I don't think I've ever seen them do live, and fucking Baby, I'm an Anarchist, which I haven't seen them play live since I saw them for the first time all those years ago. There was a lot of singing and jumping and shouting and fist pumping and getting kneed to the face. One dude did a flying knee drop to my left eye socket, which is feeling pretty raw right about now. And some girl kneed me in the jaw. And my feet got stepped on a lot and elbowed and kicked and caught heavy people with my head and fell down once or twice and hurt my shin. And I came perilously close to getting kicked in the face, but I literally swatted the guys foot out of the way, but it was like an inch away, and that probably would've been quite painful. So all in all, nothing unusual, though the flying knee to the head hurt quite a bit. I staggered back, saw stars, and wondered for a little bit whether or not I was ok. I was. But goddamn, so many heavy-ass stage divers and crowd surfers. Hey fatty, if you're over 200lbs: DON'T FUCKING CROWD SURF, SHITHEAD.
THUS BEGINS THE ADVENTURE HALF!
After the show, my sisters and I went our separate ways. Ben, Chris, and I decided we were quite famished, and decided a quick jaunt to the Majestic would be a good way to knock out the hunger. We got there, and drank some water, and perused the menu. And then I see that I had 4 missed calls from Robin, which didn't bode well. So I try to call her back, but the phone went straight to voice mail, which boded even less well. I called again and got through, and it turned out that she and Becky were locked in the parking garage in which they had parked. Our mission was clear: rescue the Jarvis Sisters from the treacherous pit of Atlantic Parking Garage. Thus, we set off on our odyssey journey through the foreboding underbelly of Atlanta, and into the deadly Parking-Castles.
With mighty TAURUS as our chariot, we raced down the serpentine streets of Dark Atlanta, scoffing at traffic laws and other unnecessary distractions. We arrived out our parking lot, where we disembarked from TAURUS. Clad in our protective hoodies, and armed with only our courage and boundless energy, we set out on foot.
We moved stealthily down the cold streets of the city, thankfully avoiding its dangerous denizens. We made it to the Parking-Castle without pulling any aggro. The castle itself was guarded only by its impenetrable concrete walls and metal gates. Using all of our considerable ingenuity, we were able to breach its security and gain entry. The deck itself was empty and quite as a tomb. We climbed walls and leaped pits and made our way ever skyward. As, it turns, Bowser resided in this particular castle, which was quite the shock. I boldly stepped forward, "Hey, Bowser, let me sisters go!" to which he replied, "Fuck you, cocksucker!" and then started jumping around and shooting fireballs at me. Undaunted, I dodged his fireballs, and when he jumped high enough, I ran under him. For some reason there was a big glowing golden ax behind him, and I used it to cut the chain that was somehow holding up his bridge, plunging King Koopa into the piping hot magma below. Thinking our arduous quest over, I ran forward. But, to my surprise, there was Toad, and not my sisters. He said, "I'm sorry, but your sisters are in another castle!" Which was pretty disappointing, I'm not gonna lie. And then he tried to sell me a dime bag, but I had shit to do, so I had to decline. And then he asked for a couple of bucks for the bus. Tiring of his antics, I jumped on his head, which dispatched him right quick. Dismayed, but not defeated, Chris, Ben, and I hopped in the pipe, and made it back to the street.
The next leg of the journey was much more treacherous. The cold started sapping our energy, and we came across way more wandering monsters. As most of you know, most of West Peachtree is made up of impassable river, filled with deadly, deadly crocodiles. While this probably would've stopped most people, the three of us are made of much sterner stuff. So we just waited until the crocodiles closed there mouths and then jumped on top of them across the river. At the last jumped I fell onto the concrete, and took a bit of damage and fucked my knee up quite a bit. Fortunately, I jumped kicked a nearby garbage can and found a delicious cooked turkey which healed my wounds nicely. Even better, we saw the second castle looming in the distance.
Our initial joy was overshadowed by the defenses of the second castle. It was impregnable. Ben and I tried to fight our way in, but the gates wouldn't give. All was not lost, however, as Chris was able to hack a security panel and commune directly with the Machine Spirit of the castle. It promised to send down a minion to assist us. And true to its word, we were granted passage. But, as these things go, the Spirit needed to test our strength to make sure we were worthy. For this trial by combat, the Machine Spirit sent down its greatest champion to do battle with us. Though he had a lot of hit points, he wasn't too tough. I tanked, Ben healed, and Chris handled the DPS. Before long he was defeated, and he joined our party. But alas! my sisters weren't in this castle, either. They were, however, in the third adjoining castle. The guard lead us through the hidden passage and into the inner sanctum of Castle Three, which was a sinister, twisted mirror of Castle Two. Everything looked eerily similar, but nothing was as it seemed and the air was heavy with deceit. Nevertheless, after a few trash mobs, we were reunited with sisters!
Again, victory was met with defeat. Our guard, powerful though he may be, had no power in the other bizarro-castle. He led our party through the bowels of the castle, so that we could commune with Machine Spirit of the third castle. This Machine Spirit feigned ignorance, and claimed that the gate of the Castle was not its to control, which was plainly a lie. We had to sacrifice a fatted calf before it would listen to our appeal. Satisfied with our offering, the spirit sent out its own champion, a twisted doppelganger of our own noble guard. After a fierce battle that taxed our reverses to the very limit, he eventually succumbed to our righteous fury and granted us passage. We triumphantly returned through the Dark-Mirror castle, and my sisters were able to ride to freedom. We bid our guard adieu, and he returned us to mighty TAURUS with a mere flick of his hand. Tired and hungry, though pleased with our success, we made our way to the Majestic once again, and we feasted heartily while nymphs cavorted about, singing praise to our glorious victory.
And all was good.