(no subject)
the smile changed in an instant. the second what i had did and just happened set in. the words i spoke, why i said them. on what basis. cause i didn't want things to be ok. who says that a real asshole does. it happened. walked right in the path of my fathers footsteps. he lead the way. i was makin my own path, triped landed right in his. everything i loved. i fucked it up. everything i felt. i tore it to pieces. all that i knew and cared about. i left myself with nothing. oh i love her still. with what i have done theres no way in any heaven to get things right. to change or fix or whatever you want to call it. i did this to my own self. she did nothnig to deserve this. i don't blame your friends for wanting to hurt me or make me pay for what i've done to you. i can't sleep at night. the second i stop moving or working and close my eyes to rest. i see you crying. i see your pain. my own hatetred for myself lets out. i beat myself up for this. you were/are/and will always be the best person that has ever stepped into my life to make me a better person. i love you. i got a second job makin pizzas. its a night job. keeps me busy. everything off my mind. but its like drinking. while you're doing it nothing bothers you not a care in the world. but it ends. and reality hits you like a frieght train. once again i've broken your trust killed any vision of a better life for myself and utmost let you down. lead you to believe that i was a better person than i really am. as much as i don't want it to be true. i see as we get older we turn more and more into our own parents. it sucks. i know you choose your own fate. and when we cross paths again someday i hope to see you smiling and happy. i won't bother you. i won't mess things up for you. i'll simply say hi. and let the best girl ever in my life go on to be a better person. i feel i was holdin you back from that. i hope that you don't look at the times we had spent togeather as a waste but as the greatest learning experience into our adulthood lives. i love you laura. and wish you the happiest filled life bye baby mike