VIDEO CONFERENCE

[gutsofaguppy]

[Private to his inmate & Claire]

[Columbus clears his throat, setting his webcam up with practiced ease, but he still looks nervous. Or maybe that's just his face.]

Alright, whenever we all get here.. Claire had something to discuss, I think.

Comments

Re: Video.

[f_ckitybye]

[Malcolm signs on; he's sitting at his desk, fully besuited, leaning back in his chair, still looking for all the world like he's back in Whitehall and the master of his domain.]

Good morning, my little chicks and roosters.

[That should have been "chicks and cocks". But Kirk's hacked his laptop and today, all of Malcolm's swearwords are being automatically replaced. He doesn't know this yet, as he hasn't typed or posted anything.]

Video.

[gutsofaguppy]

[even Columbus notices that's a bit off, but he attributes it to Claire's presence and smiles a little]

Thanks for joining us.

Video.

[f_ckitybye]

Least I could do. So, Claire, this was your notion, yeah?

Video.

[gutsofaguppy]

Oh.. uh, yeah. That's- you wanna do that, Malcolm?

Video.

[f_ckitybye]

[Shrug, small smile.]

Well, you know, I've only been helping to run the government of the UK for a fudging decade, yeah? Seems like all that fudging experience ought to come in handy somewhere. Now I grant you that Whitehall didn't have any poophead vampires running about, but we had journalists, and that's nearly as fudging bad.

[The webcam video is, of course, typical webcam quality, but if Claire or Columbus were to look closely, they might notice that certain words that Malcolm seems to be saying don't match up with what's coming over the speaker. This is particularly noticeable on "poop".]

Video.

[gutsofaguppy]

Um, yeah, I can. [his lips twitch, but he shakes his head to clear it. Malcolm still pretty well terrifies him] Some sort of censoring program...

Video.

[f_ckitybye]

[A very frosty silence.]

Begging your pardon there, Livonia, let me make sure I fudging heard you right. I mean, admittedly I'm not so young anymore and it's been a long fudging time since I had to get a permission slip from my mam for a school outing, so maybe I misheard ... censoring program?

Video.

[gutsofaguppy]

[he looks worried with a capital W]

....Maybe we should meet in person. Un-unless we're done here.

Video.

[f_ckitybye]

[While Columbus talks, Malcolm is busy bringing up a text editor and typing in an experimental list of swearwords. Somewhat to his horror-and very slight amusement, but mostly horror-"damn" becomes "darn", "shit" becomes "sugar", "arse" becomes "bottom", and so on. He's clearly muttering a string of profanity under his breath, but the mic can't quite pick up the exact words. After a moment he scrubs his hand over his face and looks back at the cam with a blatantly false smile.]

Well. Looks like some fiddler's done something to my computer. Lovely. Just ffff- lovely. [Steeples his fingers.] Claire love, you got anything else? Seems we've addressed the main point of this little get-together. [What he actually said was "circle-jerk", but ... yay, hack.]

Video.

[gutsofaguppy]

O-okay, I promise. [disconnects, waving belatedly to his inmate]

Video.

[f_ckitybye]

[Distractedly:] Yeah, thanks.

[He sort of nods to them both as they sign off, and then goes on to throw a hissy fit.]